Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Mike Who?

Ack! Only one month until Halloween!

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Saturday, September 29, 2007

Bill O'Reilly: "I'm Coming Up Your Nose!"

Keith Olbermann Talks About the O'Reilly Racist Fiasco
O'Reilly Defends Alleged Racism Against his "Attackers"
FOX Comes Back in Defense of Bill O'Reilly
Bill O'Reilly: "M-F-er, I want more Iced Tea!"
CNN: "Bill O'Reilly Screamed at the Top of His Lungs"
FOX VS CNN: Bill O'Reilly Alleged Racial Remarks
O'Reilly - He's Coming Up Your Nose
Dr. Boyce Chops up Bill O'Reilly on CNN
Dr. Boyce Strikes Hard on Bill O'Reilly on CNN
CNN is not Letting FOX and Bill O'Reilly off the Hook
Message To Fox's Bill O'Reilly From A Black American Citizen
Bill O'Reilly, Juan Williams Talk Boyce Watkins
Bill O'Reilly Talks to Blogger La Shawn Barber
Juan Williams Reacts to Being Called "The Happy Negro" on CNN
Rightwing Black American Defends O'Reilly: Media Matters
MSNBC's "Morning Joe" on the Bill O'Reilly Racist Fiasco
Joe Scarborough calls out Bill O'Reilly (MSNBC vs. FOX News)
Juan Williams Slams CNN and MSNBC for Their O'Reilly Smear
Young Turks: Bill O'Reilly Discovers Black Culture
Michelle Malkin & Bill O'Reilly Make Worst Person List
Stephen Colbert on The O'Reilly Factor

Recent reports released by FOX News show that Bill O'Reilly© is being unfairly attacked by the far left smear site Media Matters. The website is funded by George Soros the Soros Media Gestapo, despite the complete lack of evidence of any financial connetction between the two organizations.

The Evil smear site Media Matters, working in concert with, takes the daily positive message of the O'Reilly Factor© and turns it into fearsome felonious fibs that are full of falseness and out-of-context. Media Matters then feeds the dasterdly defamation to the unsuspecting American public.

Bill O'Reilly© and the O'Reilly Factor© usually ignore these pernicious pustules of prevarication, but now the mainstream media have picked them up. NBC constantly spews the out-of-context Media Matters malarky on a regular basis, but now CNN has gone over to the dark side! They are fast becoming dangerously out-of-context!

Because CNN's ratings are abysmal, they are saying things that are out-of-context about the super famous Bill O'Reilly© and the O'Reilly Factor©. They are just doing this to get attention. If a Love Machine a Slime Machine like Media Matters can get their out-of-contextness on CNN and NBC News, then the nation is in deep trouble.

We have not attacked CNN in any way. In the past, we have allowed them to speak freely. But they are now out-of-context. This is absurd and irresponsible. All news agencies that have discussed this story are out-of-context and absurd and irresponsible, and Bill O'Reilly© and the O'Reilly Factor© will not stand for it.

Recently, CNN ran a documentary featuring Christiane Amanpour that didn't do exactly the thing we are not saying that Bill O'Reilly© did or didn't do, but if she had done the thing that Bill O'Reilly© did or didn't do, boy we could have made a fuss! But we didn't. See? If Christiane Amanpour had done the thing that Bill O'Reilly© did or didn't do, her audience would have been intelligent enough to realize what an awful thing she didn't do.

The real crime is that Media Matters has not in fact unfairly accused Bill O'Reilly© and the O'Reilly Factor©, but has instead surriptitiously attacked Bill O'Reilly©'s own late grandmother. What kind of an organization would attack a man's grandmother for doing the thing that Bill didn't do, that wasn't his fault and won't ever happen again?

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Friday, September 28, 2007

Happy Birthday, Janeane Garofalo!

No time for blogging today - My running mate, Germaine Gregarious, and I are busy celebrating Janeane Garofalo's birthday! Hat tip to Spocko of Spocko's Brain and BAC of Yikes! for reminding me. Strangely enough, Ms. Garofalo does not want any cake. Ah, well - that leaves more for me. Two slices, please!

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Thursday, September 27, 2007



Click here for my official response to Hilary Clinton's refusing to answer Tim Russert's questions during the debate last night.

Previously I wrote a post where I assessed the candidates based solely on their comparative rhetoric. This post is merely a thumbnail sketch of my opinion of the debate last night in the same fashion, and does not address the many issues brought up.

Hilary Clinton just pissed me off. She was so busy pretending that she has already won that she forgot to answer the questions!

Barack Obama was kind of flat. He sounded intelligent and reasonable, but he did not pull any rabbits out his hat. His unemotional style did not serve him well in this debate.

I thought John Edwards sounded really good. He was successful when he attacked Clinton. He also sounds like he is trying too hard sometimes.

Senator Chris Dodd sounds like the voice of reason. He is just getting better and better.

Joe Biden Was very good. He was trying to come off as the 'only guy that is telling the truth.' That will wear thin in the long run.

I don't think that Dennis Kucinich did as well in this debate as he has in the past. He often sounded like he was gloating. "My father invented the toaster strudel!"

Bill Richardson had the right message at the right time, but he is just not a confident speaker. He does not sound like he is in charge.

Mike Gravel? LOL! Angry grandpa puts foot in mouth. Repeatedly.

I thought that the best treatment of the debate that I have read so far was at Salon, but I'm prejudiced because the title of the article is "What you missed while watching the new 'Bionic Woman'". I thought that this quote was priceless:

57 minutes. A question goes to all of the candidates. Would it be appropriate for a school teacher to read a story about a gay couple to their children in second grade? "Yes, absolutely," says Edwards. "What I want is I want my children to understand everything about the difficulties that gay and lesbian couples are faced with every day." Obama agrees. So does Clinton.

62 minutes. Another commercial break. Hopefully no children in second grade are watching. This time MSNBC shows an advertisement for Cialis, a pill which promises an erection at any point between 30 minutes and 36 hours after consumption. Sometimes erections may last for four hours or cause temporary loss of vision.

Of all of the candidates I still think that I like Barack Obama the best, but Edwards and Dodd are starting to look better and better to me. I have lost respect for Clinton. I am reserving my endorsement for now. I am still holding out for Nancy Pelosi in '07!

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Sommers, Jovovich to Join the Zaius/Gregarious Team

The Bionic Woman Intro
The Bionic Woman in Training
The Bionic Woman sings "Feelings"
The Bionic Woman "Bionic Beauty"
The Bionic Belly Button
"The Return of Bigfoot"
"The Return of Bigfoot" (Promo)
Bionic Woman vs. Fembots
Bionic Woman vs. Kidnappers
The Bionic Woman (Promo)
The Bionic Woman "Kill Oscar!"
The Bionic Woman Bloopers/Outtakes
The Bionic Woman "Bionic Blowout"
The Bionic Woman Montage

My running mate, Germaine Gregarious has recruited two new members for our campaign team, the Nefarious Lair of LGPPP, and I was so impressed with the characteristics of her choices that I felt compelled to express their qualifications in a more distinct fashion.

Ms. Gregarious has recently revealed that Jaime Sommers, AKA The Bionic Woman, has pledged her support for our campaign. Ms. Sommers has kindly agreed to accept a position in our administration in the Department of Homeland Security.

A retired professional tennis player, Ms. Sommers has quit her job as a schoolteacher in Ojai, Ca. to start work on our campaign.

Not only will Ms. Sommers be a great asset in our campaign to win over the hearts and minds of American humans, but Ms. Sommers has had an uneasy friendship with the elusive Bigfoot (see window above). I find her relationship with Bigfoot heartening, as the existence of Bigfoot will prove conclusively that apes evolved from man, and not vice versa. This is an integral part of our campaign's educational message.

In the past, Ms. Sommers has had several disagreeable encounters with her mortal enemies, Professor Charles Kingsfield's army of Fembots (see window above), a line of powerful legal androids that were created at Harvard Law School. Ms. Sommers showed some apprehension upon her initial discovery that I have in my employ an army of Fembot Assassins formerly owned by Dr. Goldfoot, and that Ms. Gregarious has her own army of Lesbots.

This was cleared up after a couple of rousing games of classic Pong (and few too many Mai Tai's!) in the Rumpus Room. I am afraid that Ms. Sommer's tennis skill were too much for Ms. Gregarious and I, and we were both soundly defeated at Pong, but we did manage to convince Ms. Sommers of the sound military applications of Dr. Goldfoot's Fembot Assassins. She was quite taken with the Lesbots as well, requesting that she be allowed to study them in greater detail in the future.

Her false Fembot fears quelled, Ms. Sommer's told us about her new television show that she will starring in. It is running on NBC every Wednesdays at 9 p.m. ET. (Check your local listings!) I haven't seen it yet, but I look forward to watching Ms. Sommers' do something on television besides selling Sleep Number beds.

".45" (Trailer)
"Dummy" (Clip 1)
"Dummy" (Clip 2)
"The Messenger" (Trailer)
"The Million Dollar Hotel"
"The Fifth Element" (Diva Dance)
"Fifth Element" (Leeloo vs Mangalores)
"Fifth Element" (DNA Reconstruction)
"Fifth Element" (Leeloo Dallas)
"Fifth Element" (Autowash)
"Fifth Element" (Egypt)
"Fifth Element" (More Chicken)
"Fifth Element" (Black Eyed Peas)
"Parker Lewis Can't Lose"
"Resident Evil" (Trailer)
"Resident Evil" (Human Tetris!)
"Resident Evil" (Behind You)
"Resident Evil" (Clips)
"Resident Evil" (Ending)
"Resident Evil" (Milla Training)
"Resident Evil" (Remix)
Return to the Blue Lagoon
"Ultraviolet" (Trailer)
"Ultraviolet" (Entering the Ministry)
"Ultraviolet" (Clips 1)
"Ultraviolet" (Clips 2)
"Ultraviolet" ("Galang")
"UltraViolet" (Diva song)
"Ultraviolet" (Trance Music)
Ultraviolet/Resident Evil (Miss Murder)
"Ultraviolet" - (Third Eye)
"Zoolander" (Trailer)
Resident Evil/5th Element

Hollywood movies often feature some willowy, overpaid supermodel that has little talent and augmented assets. Ms. Gregarious recently highlighted the LGPPP membership of Milla Jovovich, an un-augmented supermodel and actress that definitely has many extraordinary talents, including the ability to kick some Mangalore ass six ways to sunday (see window above).

Ms. Jovovich can do a lot more than wield a pair of pink pistols with deadly accuracy. Aside from being a supermodel and actress, she is also a musician, singer, song writer and fashion designer. She has released several CDs, and several of her songs are available for free (MP3) on her website. Her single "Rocket Collecting" was featured on the soundtrack for the film "Underworld".

Although usually seen in action heroine roles, she has proven herself as a capable actress in such films as "The Messenger", "Dazed and Confused", "Two Moon Junction", "Chaplin" and "Dummy".

I really enjoyed the independent film "Dummy", but as much as I liked the story and Adrien Brody's acting in the role of a bumbling ventriloquist, I found myself wishing that the film was about Ms. Jovovich's character, Fangora "Fanny" Gurkel. Aside from her role as Leeloo in the film "The Fifth Element", I think that my favorite Jovovich film was "The Messenger".

Milla's Music
"The Alien Song (For Those Who Listen)"
"Gentleman Who Fell"
"There Aint No God For Dogs"
"Left & Right" (Live)
"Going Down"
"It's Your Life"
LGPPP "Resident Evil" Alice Army
Milla Jovovich on Japanese TV
Bathroom dilemma
Milla Jovovich Mini-Biography
Milla Jovovich Montage
Milla Jovovich Maxim Shoot
Leeloo Wannabe (Pole Dancing)

Ms. Jovovich (AKA Katinka Ingabogovinanana) will be acting in an unofficial capacity within the Zaius/Gregarious organization. She will enforce administer our policies in a clandestine straightforward manner, and root out evil-doers wherever they may lurk. Her interrogation techniques investigative skills have recently uncovered sinister ties between Haliburton, Blackwater and the bioengineering pharmaceutical company, the Umbrella Corporation.


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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Janeane Garofalo: Speaking Truth To Power

Bill Maher/"Real Time" - Sept. 21, 2007
JG Calls Bill Maher On Israeli Bias
Garofalo to O'Reilly: "Kiss my Fat Ass"
JG on Petraeus
JG: "Powell Could Have Changed History"
Real Time's Overtime 9-21-07
Bill Maher 09-21-2007 1 of 6 [ 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ]
The Disquisition
The Disquisition 1 [ 2, 3, 4 ]
Janeane the Pundit
The Power of the Puppy
JG Drubs Fox News' Brian Kilmeade (Feb. 2003)
Bill O'Reilly Interviews JG (March 2003)
MSNBC: "Bush or Hussein?" (Feb. 2003)
JG/Sander Hicks Interview
"Win without War" Spot

Did anybody see "Real Time" with Bill Maher week? If you missed it, you can watch entire episode here: [ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ] The segment included Rob Thomas, Salman Rushdie, and Janeane Garofalo. Janeane had a more direct message than I have seen on television in a long time. She spoke with conviction, candor and most importantly with the voice of someone who has done their homework.

I am not going to bother writing a synopsis of what she said, you should watch the video to see her in action. (And before HBO yanks it off YouTube.) She must be doing something right, because the right wingers are already pretending to be mortified by her words. This is what the wingnuts are saying:

"Stop Enabling Janeane Garofalo!", "There is no way that woman is completely straight", Garofalo Backs Rather, Declares Petraeus 'Dishonest...He Is Betraying Us', Janeane Garofalo Praises 'Brave' Dems Who Condemned Petraeus, etc.

This is part of what all of the fuss is about:

Janeane Garofalo: "The CBS thing, Dan Rather's lawsuit. I have no doubt that there were executives at CBS that folded under right wing coercion and did it very readily, you know, fired him, or covered up the truth that the National Guard did provide preferential treatment to George Bush Junior. And it's amazing how the right wing has done it in this country and it doesn't seem like it's a democracy at all when you let that happen."

Salman Rushdie: "What I think is strange is it's like the Republicans, in order to not talk about the war, you know, any excuse to not discuss the actual war means that you attack people who talk about the war in ways they don't like. So you talk about talking about the war instead of talking about the war. So you don't like Dan Rather because of the way he talks about the war, you don't MoveOn because of the way they talk about the war."

Bill Maher: "They've made it a whole referendum on this General Petraeus."

Garofalo: "And the thing is it's beside the point. And the mainstream media helps them out enormously. First of all, General Petraeus has been dishonest. That is sort of the role of a soldier like that, they, just like General Westmoreland and the 5 o'clock reports in Vietnam. Of course they are dishonest. That's what they do. And the thing is is to pretend that it's that has the problem, and that the mainstream media allows that nonsense to continue. Yet, he is betraying us and I don't know why there aren't more brave Democrats who will say, 'yeah, he is.'"

Also, it looks like Janeane is going to join the cast of "24". My first reaction was, "Nooooo! Don't do it, Janeane!" That stupid-ass show has done more to drive fear in this country than Bill O'Reilly.

I lost interest in the show back when Jack Baur's daughter got kidnapped for the third time in the first season. (3 times in 24 hours, scriptwise!) I think that all of the characters on that show need to take a Rosarum and get a good night's sleep after being up all night. No wonder they are all on edge!

So I was not really happy when I found out that Janeane was going to join in on Jack Baur's pajama party, but then I started reading about the upcoming season and Janeane role in it, and look what the right wing is saying about it:

"Are the producers of 24 trying to draw in a broader audience? Like the extreme loony left? They aren’t going to like 24 anyway cause they use guns (gasp!) and fight bad guys on the show. They even let the bad guys be muslim (so politically incorrect of them!) Not to mention, I don’t think even the looney left watch Janeane Garofalo in anything. Does she even have an audience? I know I can’t stand to watch her in anything. I’d rather get my teeth drilled."

Yay! Janeane will usher in a new reign of rainbow peace and moonbeam love to the show! Watch out Jack, Janeane is going to set you straight about a thing or two.

Jon Stewart, Part 1 of 3 (March 1997) [ 2, 3 ]
Conan O'Brien (July 2007) "puppy"
Ain't It Cool News (June 2007) "Ratatouille"
Craig Kilborn (Jun 2007)
JG at Premiere Of "Ratatouille" (June 2007)
Conan O'Brien (June 1999) "Mystery Men"
Craig Kilborn (May 1997)
Craig Kilborn (Oct 1997)
Dennis Miller (Mar 1996)
"Bye Bye Love" (Aug 1994)
Conan O'Brien (Nov 1994)
David Letterman (Oct 1994)
Dennis Miller (1992)
Jiminy Glick
Behind-the-Scenes - "Ratatouille"
Air America (2004)

I have had a crush on Janeane Garofalo ever since I first saw her play Vicky in "Reality Bites". ("The free clinic AIDS test: the right of passage for our generation!")

Janeane has never actually been in a really good movie. She is not the best stand up comedian in the world. (In April 2004, she was selected as #99 on Comedy Central's list of the 100 greatest stand ups of all time. wikipedia) She failed miserably when she was on "Saturday Night Live". (Probably because the cast plays a lot reindeer games, and Janeane never was the "get along and play nice type.") She can actually be kind of annoying when she talks sometimes. So what is it about Janeane Garofalo that makes her so interesting?

It's because she is intelligent, witty, and she says what it is on her mind. She does not say things that seem contrived or said to create a certain "effect." When she talks there is no doubt that she is saying exactly what she is thinking. Her candor is refreshing.

If you were at a party with 20 supermodels and Janeane Garofalo, she would still be the most interesting person to be with at the party. She would probably also complain about the hors’dourves, smoke like a chimney and drive every Republican out of the room.

I have made the mistake of telling people that I really like Janeane. Usually my remarks are met with negative glances and the inevitable "Oh, Really?" Even many Democrats don't like her, they feel that she is too left wing and too outspoken. I don't understand this. How can a person not love a woman that stood up to Bill O'Reilly and FOX News? And yet it is often the courageous things that she has done that the public dislikes, and have gotten her in trouble with people like television executives.

You know another reason to love Janeane Garofalo? She reads comic books! She said so on "Real Time" with Bill Maher. (OK, she calls them "graphic novels" like a poser, but who cares?)

The Disquisition
The Disquisition "Corporate Facists"
The Disquisition "Luddite"
The Disquisition "Angry Narcissist"
The Disquisition "Never Laugh Again"
Stand Up Comedy
Janeane Garofalo stand up 1 (1992)
Janeane Garofalo stand up 2 (1992)
Janeane Garofalo on HBO's "Rome"
Stand Up JG "God's plan"
Stand up Bumbershoot 2007
HG on Comix Remix
Spots & Promos
Janeane Garofalo discuses Green Day
Janeane Garofalo - Win without War
Janeane Garofalo on My Damn Channel
music video Superchunk - Watery Hands
Air America Radio XM Commercial
Old Comedy Central Promos

When I was searching for Janeane Gaofalo clips on YouTube, I was disappointed that I couldn't find some of the early 30 second spots that she did for Comedy Central, but I was delighted to find four clips that she did for the Independent film Channel. The IFC has a show called "The Henry Rollins Show" [ 2 ], and she has done a series of spots called The Disquisition. [ 1, 2, 3, 4 ] I thought these clips were just great when I watched them!

Janeane is alone in the clips, and speaking as more of a vlogger. It is very different than when you see her interviewed, and she is responding to questions from a television host. You also get to see the inside of her apartment.

I think that she genuinely does not realize how pretentious and stuck up she sounds when she says that she does not have a computer or email. I have actually dated a couple of girls that were sort of like Janeane. Short, very intelligent, self-conscious yet pretentious, annoying yet intriguing, completely oblivious at times that they have just said something really haughty and inappropriate, and there is nothing you can say to explain it to them that they will ever understand.

Movies & TV
Romy & Michele's High School Reunion" (1997)
Beer, Beer, Beer (Romy & Michele's)
"The Larry Sanders Show" clip 1 of 2 [ 2 ]
"The Larry Sanders Show" clip 1 of 3 [ 2, 3 ]
"The Matchmaker" - Clip 1 of 3 [ 2, 3 ]
Nadine in Dateland
Reality Bites trailer (1994)
"Reality Bites" - My Sharona
"Reality Bites" - Sammy Comes Out
"Search For John Gissing" (2002) Trailer
"Search For John Gissing" - 1 of 3 [ 2, 3 ]
SNL Skit
"The truth About Cats & Dogs" (Trailer)
"The West Wing"
"Wet Hot American Summer" Clip 1
"Wet Hot American Summer" Clip 2

I think my favorite Janenae Garofalo film was "The truth About Cats & Dogs" and not only because it is a retelling of the great classic "Cyrano de Bergerac." It is always refreshing to see a film where the lead character is a woman, and it even more refreshing when the lead character is not some willowy, overpaid supermodel. I am sure that in real life Janeane is very much like the character in this film, quirky and annoying, delightful and intelligent, self-conscious yet pretentious.

That said, "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" was not really a very good movie. None of Janeane's films are. She is also not a "genius" as an actress. She is just one of the many Hollywood actors and actresses that just sort of plays themself.

On the other hand, she can still bring a lot to a role. I think that she was the funniest thing in the film, "Romy & Michele's High School Reunion". The same could be said of her role in "The Larry Sanders Show".

Some right winger made this "Beer, Beer, Beer" video, which is a clip from "Romy & Michele's High School Reunion" played endlessly in a loop. It is meant to be insulting to Janeane, but I actually just it found endearing.

~ Click on an icon to open the larger image ~

I did not have to go Googling for pictures of Janeane to use in this post, because I already have a zillion of them on my hard drive. My favorite is this picture of her with the huge latte. She is filled with foamy Garofalo goodness!


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Sunday, September 23, 2007

AquaChick is Outta-Sight!



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