I still can't believe what happened at The Presidential Candidate Disco Showdown,
hosted this year by Dr. Smith
at Big Lucy's All Nite BBQ Grill and Bait Shop.
I got there well before 7:00 because Big Lucy was offering an all-you-can-eat special on the night crawlers buffet for Christmas Eve. When I got there, Jon the intergalactic gladiator was drinking heavily, and Monkerstein had already put a large dent in the buffet. I was surprised to see Sleestak in leg warmers - but to each his own, I guess. I thought that leg warmers were a bit too casual for a fine dining and discothèque atmosphere like Big Lucy's.
We all chatted briefly, but we kept the topics light. As Frank Zappa once said, "never discuss philosophy or politics in a disco environment." Before disco, this country was an intellectual wasteland. After disco the Republicans took over, and suddenly even wastelands looked good.
Dr. Smith gave a brief introductory speech that was interrupted repeatedly by his running mate, Marcia Brady. The disco lights were set in motion, Big Lucy fired the starting gun, and we were off!
All of the candidates were dancing up a storm. Everybody was really good, but Ms. Gregarious and I tore up the floor! We boogie-oogie-oogied left, we shama-lama-ding-donged right, and we got down with our bad selves in the best way possible. The pumping-poopie rhythms and unflagging lyric repetition made us into unrelenting disco zombies!
At one point I got my goove thang caught in Ms. Gregarious' secret poison capsule compartment, but with the aid of a butter knife and a fondue fork we were disengaged and "Bustin' Loose" in half a moment, and flexing our disco moves, shaking our respective booties and wagging our Disco Duck tail feathers once again.
Just as Ms. Gregarious and I began to "do th' Hustle," Sleestak got too close to the Disco inferno and caught Dance Fever! He had to be rushed from the dance floor and given a cold compress and an Evian. (You have to be careful, without treatment a severe case of Dance Fever can quickly become Boogie Fever, or worse.)
Ms. Gregarious and I were clearly going to be the winners, when all of a sudden Homeland Security rushed in and arrested the lot of us! I am entirely innocent of the charges, but i am not sure that I can say the same of Dr. Monkerstein...
Chris Chaos bailed us out within the hour, and we returned home to eat some of GETkristiLOVE's
leftover monkey cake. I was so downhearted, I had to eat two slices!