Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Friday, May 30, 2008

The Zaius/Gregarious Campaign Must Keep Up With the Latest Trends!


The 'keffiyeh' is the traditional headress of the Freedom Fighters
Terrorist Group, the Ewoks of Endor.

Now everybody is wearing keffiyehs!

Speaker Nancy Pelosi is wearing a keffiyeh!

Senator Hillary Clinton is wearing a keffiyeh!

First Lady Laura Bush is wearing a keffiyeh!

Even the daughter of senator John McCain wearing a keffiyeh!

Everybody is wearing keffiyehs!

...So Germaine Gregarious and I have decided
to make keffiyehs an integral part of our campaign!

Of course we have not abandoned our main campaign platform, but we must change with the times! Accommodate the future! Pander to the latest popular public whim!

...Of course it's not really pandering - it's just politically expedient!

UPDATE: Germaine Gregarious has posted a picture of herself wearing
keffiyeh underwear! Check it out!

UPDATE: threadingwater is having a Keffiyeh Party in her Rumpus Room!
And she's wearing nothing BUT her keffiyeh! Check it out!

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Modern Monsters

No time for blogging today! I am busy proving to all of the other candidates that I am the "most electable"! (Because I'm orange, my victory is 'inevitable'!) In the meantime, you can watch these swell videos! I have two monster movie clips today. Although it is frightening to think that the ravages of our modern culture could create monsters as horrific as those depicted in this video, it is far more frightening to think that another culture could create children as misguided as those depicted in this video. (I must be off now, I have to go threaten some superdelegates!)

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Legion of Superheroes Fan-Designed Costumes


Click on image to enlarge.
Legion of Superheroes Fan-Designed Costumes, Via Cosmic Teams.

Shrinking Violet's new costume is groovilicious!

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Almost as popular as 'enlarging that certain part of the male anatomy' and 'Girls Gone Wild!' in this neck of the woods:

'It's a Sham? Wow!'


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Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Horrific Novelty of John Hagee and Joe Lieberman's Continued Love Affair

Brokeback Lieberman

A reader does not always read a news story because it is logical or because it helps to make sense of some greater whole. Some news story are just some kind of horrific novelty, a grim reminder that the universe is not only difficult to understand but impossible to fathom.

Pastor John Hagee is just one an example of this kind of story. An important figures in the recent right-wing religious movement, Pastor John Hagee is the founder and senior pastor of the Cornerstone Church, Trinity Church and the The Church at Castle Hills (all in San Antonio, Texas), and has been an important figure in the recent right-wing religious movement. He is also the founder and CEO of Global Evangelism Television, Inc. and helped found the Christians United for Israel, a pro-Israel organization that Hagee's obsession with Israel is actually quite recent. It was in February 2006 that Hagee began his focus on the support of Israel and created the Christians United for Israel (CUFI).

Based upon their interpretation of the bible, the organization is a Christian-Zionist doomsday cult that believes that Armageddon is coming soon, and presently on their website they post this message, calling it a "RAPID RESPONSE ACTION ALERT", complete with a picture of siren:

Pastor Hagee and Rabbi Scheinberg Respond to Recent Controversies: Israel’s time of need is now. There is a new Hitler in the Middle East --President Ahmadinejad of Iran -- who has threatened to wipe out Israel and America and is rapidly acquiring the nuclear technology to make good on his threat. If we learned anything from the Holocaust, it is that when a madman threatens genocide we must take him seriously.

During the Holocaust, too many Christians were silent, and we were left to mourn the slaughter of 6 million Jews. Today, Bible-believing Christians must speak up and stand up for Israel. We must act to do whatever we can to protect Israel’s 6 million Jews from the second Holocaust. We must get it right this time. Our faith demands it. The times require it. Silence is not an option.

Already this is no longer a news story that I will ever understand. It is clear to me that I cannot begin to empathize with this guy. He is anti-Catholic, anti-Islam, anti-homosexuality, and thinks that Hitler was doing god's will. He is what you technically call a looney.

I must admit that I find it amusing to find out that he was forced to resign from the first church that he founded, saying, "My marriage had collapsed and I became immoral in my personal conduct". [1]

It is also worth noting that the other denounced McCain pastor, Rod Parsley, is also a member of Hagee's doomsday cult. Why the media has not picked up on this nugget is beyond me, it makes the story all the more interesting.

The train wreck that this story has become for the McCain campaign is notable and even understandable. What is beyond understanding is why Joe Lieberman, who has been a staunch supporter of the Christians United for Israel has not decided to follow McCain's lead and denounce this group as well, in light of the recent media revelation that any support of Hagee and his organization is political suicide.

And yet it has been revealed that Joe Lieberman is scheduled to speak at this years Christians United for Israel convention. According to the Huffington Post:

Senator Joseph Lieberman is scheduled to headline Pastor John Hagee’s 2008 Christians United For Israel Washington-Israel Summit this July 22. In accepting Hagee’s invitation, Lieberman became the most senior elected representative confirmed to appear at the annual gala.

At last years Christians United for Israel convention, Lieberman spoke and compared Hagee to Moses [ Video: 1, 2 ]. He said:

"He is a Ish Elokim, a man of God and those words really fit him…like Moses he’s become a leader of a mighty multitude, even greater than the multitude that Moses led from Egypt to the promised land."

None of this makes sense. It is political suicide for Lieberman to support Hagee in the present climate. (Lieberman is from Connecticut and Hagee's supporters are in Texas!) Lieberman's behavior can't be because of a deeply felt religious belief, he's Jewish. As a matter of fact, the Rapture is a 'Christians only' event! Lieberman's support of Hagee definitely will not help McCain, Lieberman's choice for president. The only common thread that I can find between the Christians United for Israel and neoconservative Lieberman is they both advocate a pre-emptive military strike on Iran.

I must confess that I find the whole thing strange and bizarre. It's like watching a human train wreck in slow motion. But this human train wreck wants to destroy the world.

Hagee and Lieberman celebrate at the Alpha Omega Bomb

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Go, Scotty, Go!

Scott Mclellan

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Romance Among the Ruins - Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places


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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Oh, the Irony!


On the one hand, I don't think that Hillary Clinton's recent gaffe was such a big deal. Maybe she was just tired. On the other hand, I don't think that she can really make the argument that her political campaign is being dragged down by sexism AND that she is the most electable candidate. One argument says that she is weak, and the other one says that she is strong. She wants to get sympathy and be seen as strong. I don't think that you can have both without sending a mixed message.

And as far as Bill Clinton is concerned - I agree with Oliver Willis, "I liked President Clinton a lot more when he was presiding over a good economy and cheating on his wife."

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This Swell Song Captures the Spirit of the Democratic Party at the Moment!

No time for blogging today! Germaine Gregarius and I are busy cleaning up a few things in Washington! I personally use 2 kinds of shampoo and over five different kinds of hair conditioner to practice my own kind of dirty politics. (This reminds me of the time we re-created Hurricane Katrina for Grover Norquist in a bathtub.) In the meantime, you can watch this swell music video! I am sure that after this swell Democratic primary we have enjoyed, you will agree that this song captures the spirit of the party, and will become the new Democratic theme song! (Now where is my loofah... Whoops! Jeepers, Ms. Gregarious - I do believe that you have grabbed the wrong nozzle!)

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What Was On TV Last Night


Justice League: The New FrontierNormally I hate any animated superhero movie or cartoon. They are usually filled with watered down stories with homogenized visuals. I have no idea why I decided to watch Justice League The New Frontier [ 2 ]. I ordered it Video On Demand because there did not seem to be anything else interesting in the VOD menu, and it was due to go off the schedule in on the 29th. I figured that it was going to be awful, or there would have been some kind of buzz in the media about it.

As soon as I ordered it, I regretted my decision. I was absolutely sure that it was going to be saccharine and insipid. That was my first mistake.

I had only wanted some background noise to kill the time while I worked on the computer. I didn't expect to actually watch the movie or find it compelling enough to capture my interest. That was my second mistake.

Justice League: The New FrontierI fully expected the characters to be empty shells of their comic book counterparts. That was my third mistake.

The movie was awesome. I was actually shocked by my own reaction to the film. OK, the artwork in the beginning credits was good, wait, wait... The artwork in the beginning credits was very good... and then a character committed suicide. What the...?

The there was scene where Superman and Wonder Woman have a difference of opinion over the cold-blooded murder of several Korean soldiers. What the...? Wait a minute, kids are going to be watching this!

Next was a scene of the quiet, desperate and lonely existence of J'onn J'onzz (a character that I always found vapid and annoying) and his pathetic life in a rented room watching television. What the...? The scene was very brief and yet remarkably expressive.

OK, now I was hooked. I was not going to be able work on the computer now - unless the film got progressively worse from this point on...

But it didn't. It just got better.

Justice League: The New FrontierThe doomsday Galactus-wannabe villain was sort of silly and vague, but that did not really deter from the story at all. The story was about the complexity of the characters and their relationships with each other, and not the villain. Even the big battle scene in the end did not pull down the story (as is often the case in this sort of tale) because what drove the story was the minutiae of the characters lives and not the battle itself.

The film was clearly not aimed at kids, or at least did not pander to a childish mentality. This movie was certainly not Saturday morning fare. The subplots were remarkably mature and well thought out. Set in America after the Korean war, the film made references to everything from McCarthyism, 50's era test patterns and Dante's Inferno.

Usually, cartoons about comic books talk down to the audience and are superficial and preachy. I was consistently overwhelmed at mature tone of the film.

A film has enough trouble holding audience when the story is only about one or two characters. When a film is about a whole group of characters, it is very difficult to tell the story in such a way that the audience can empathize with each of the characters. In this film, they managed to capture and tell the story of each of the character's unique story.

Justice League: The New Frontier The filmmakers believably depicted Wonder Woman's proud defiance, Batman's maniacally dark vigilantism, Hal Jordan's inner doubts about himself (and his eventual redemption), J'onn J'onzz's alienation and desire to fit in, and Superman was just an arrogant dickhead, like always.

According to the New York Times, the original story in comic book form was over 400 pages long, so the story has been pared down considerably for the 70-minute film.

I was surprised that the film got a PG-13 rating, because of the violence and adult themes. Perhaps the censors were more concerned about nudity and less concerned with the adult themes that were covered. I would like to note that in the battle sequence there were numerous naked pterodactyls, however.

The best lines in the film:

"I'm just a guy who runs after jewelry thieves and talking gorillas."

"It's OK, but real men wear pants."

"I though I could make a life for myself here among you humans. I didn't think I had a choice. But there is one now. There's too much hatred here, too much ignorance, too much mindless conformity. I'm leaving."

This little exchange between Batman and Superman was kind of interesting, in a creepy caped crusader sort of way:

Robin: "Wow! You really do know him."
Superman: "You must be Robin. I hear you're quite a detective."
Robin: "Well, I try not to brag, but..."
Batman: "Have you finished your homework yet?"
Robin: "Uhhh... right."
[Robin exits]
Superman: "Hmmm. New look. Sidekick. You mind if I ask you..."
Batman: "As a matter of fact I do. Let's just say I set out to scare criminals not children."
Superman: "Fair enough."


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Monday, May 26, 2008

In Memory of Our Heroes

In Memory of our Heroes

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Friday, May 23, 2008

Conyers invites Rove to a Congressional Soiree, But Karl Refuses to R.S.V.P.!

I am eager to seee the result of the subpoena issued by the House Judiciary Committee to Karl Rove yesterday regarding his involvement in the firing of nine U.S. attorneys last year and the prosecution of former Alabama Gov. Don Siegelman. If and when he testifies, will it be one of those scathing kiss-and-tell memoirs - or will it be one of those awkward cocktail party moments when the guest of honor has too much to drink and becomes blatantly obnoxious? No matter what, I'm sure that Brit Hume will be there to hold his hand during the rough patches.

Caption contest! What will Karl Rove say
to the House Judiciary Committee?

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For McCain, Today's Excommunication is a Twofer

Mother Jones on Rod Parsley
McCain's "Spiritual Guide"
John McCain Praising Rod Parsley
John McCain vs. John McCain

As the media has already buried the Rod Parsley story before it ever got off the ground, I thought that I would share with you the videos of John McCain's spiritual guide and moral compass, Rod Parsley, that will NOT be played endlessly in a loop like the Rev. Wright story. McCain has managed to repudiate Rev. Parsley's words before the media ever focused on the story, and now the story is being conflated with his repudiating Rev. Hagee words and the release of his medical records on the same day.


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Just a Quick Note...


I actually had a lot more links to post than the paltry list that I present below, but I got distracted by the girls changing underpants (my campaign is pro-change!) at and reading about Julie Newmar's pro-terrorist pantyhose patent. (Ooo-La-La!)

Barack to the Future! I meant to post this earlier, but Oliver Willis has done a great parody, "Clinton Campaign Blames Impending Obama Nomination On 'Delorean Induced Alternate Timeline'".

Easily overlooked, but an interesting detail nonetheless: Convicted 'Duke' Cunningham briber/co-conspirator Brent Wilkes just received a 12 year sentence and sits in jail while pending an appeal because he can’t afford the bail because of (at least in part) the housing crisis. Talking Points Memo, via Crooks & Liars.

Holy Pickled Green Beans, Batman! The Unconventional Conventionist has created an awesome movie!

Germaine Gregarious will appreciate this - Boobs of Steel.

Daleks and Wonder Woman and the greatest Chick Tract EVER - via Becca at No Smoking in the Skullcave.

"Oh, how the might have fallen" department: William Shatner was on Glenn Beck, via Starship Tim.

An oldie but a goodie - chocolate covered bacon.

Jess Wundrun has created a great image of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

Strange fruits and vegtables, via Cap'n Dyke.

MWB has a great old ad for Rock Em Sock 'Em Robots.

My life will not be complete until I get a Godzilla Mothra Larvae Plush Toy and a Godzilla King Ghidorah Plush Toy (With Sound!)

(NSFW!) Hilarious porn advertisments - "The Twilight Bone", "Chitty Chitty Gang Bang", and "The Wizard of Ass"

By the way, it's time for the Crooks & Liars donation drive.

Hollywood Zombies.

Recent blogroll additions: Have Camera Will Travel, Unglued, Stop Licking the Curtains, Social Seppuku, Occasional Superheroine, Illiterate Electorate, Billy Miller, Ex-Lion Tamer and Starship Tim.

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Geeky Pickup Lines


Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on 'stunning'.

Your mouth says, 'Shields up!', but your eyes say, 'A hull breach is imminent...'

Tell me of this thing you humans call... love.

I may look like an Ewok, but I'm all Wookie where it counts, baby.

Nice Asimov.

I've been told I have the cool sexual prowess of a Romulan.

With my IQ and your body we could spawn a race of genetic superchildren to conquer the earth!

I less than three you. ("I <3 you" as in "<3" = "♥")

Once you make love to a man with Vulcan ears you never go back.

You, me, here... this couldn’t be any better if I programmed the holodeck myself!

Would you like to be the numerator or the denominator?

Forgive my Kirk-like boldness, but you wanna go back to my mom's place and watch 'Dr. Who'?

You're like an exothermic reaction - you spread your hotness everywhere!

Hi, I'm writing a new make-out program. Would you like to join the beta-test?

Earth woman, prepare to be probed!

I'm the droid you're looking for.

Honey, you've been looking for love in Alderaan places!

Hey, baby. I own Microsoft.

UPDATE: Dean Wormer added these:

I'm Peter Parker. Wanna see if my webshooter's organic?

Can you give me a hand with my Pon Farr?

Hi. They call me Dr. McCoy but you can call me "Bones."

Wanna help me cross the streams on the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

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Thursday, May 22, 2008

The Awesome Speaking Styles of John McCain and Floyd R. Turbo


Will somebody please post some videos on YouTube of Johnny Carson performing as the character Floyd R. Turbo? We desperately need a mash-up video of Senator John McCain delivering a speech and Floyd R. Turbo giving one of his editorial messages.

I'm not suggesting that the content of McCain's speeches are as ridiculous as Floyd R. Turbo's pre-Limbaugh dittohead ramblings, but both McCain and Carson's character both have a priceless way of gesturing at the wrong time when they speak that is hilarious! I wish I could describe it properly, but it is strictly a visual gag. For the character of Floyd R. Turbo, it went something like this:

Floyd R. Turbo: ...And if you...

(Brief pause)

(Turbo then points to the audience to emphasize the word "you")

(Brief pause)

Floyd R. Turbo: ...Are a true American, then you will agree...

John McCain does the same thing during his speeches repeatedly, except in McCain's case when he gestures or uses body language to emphasize a point at the wrong time, he is not doing it to be funny - he is literally 'pulling a Turbo':

Senator John McCain: ...And let me tell you, my friends...

(Brief pause)

(McCain then raises his arms and gestures to the audience to emphasize the phrase "my friends")

(Brief pause)

Senator John McCain: ...let me give you some straight talk...

I used to watch Johnny Carson with my dad when I was a kid, and my dad and I always thought that the Floyd R. Turbo character was the funniest thing on the show. At the time I didn't really understand that the demographic group that Carson was poking fun at really existed. I just found it funny because the character was such a doofus.

Does anybody have any old video tapes of the Johnny Carson show? Just a brief clip of Floyd R. Turbo gesturing at the inappropriate time alongside a clip of McCain doing the same thing would be hilarious! Unfortunately, it's a sight gag - it just doesn't translate well to text.

By the way, The "R" in Floyd R. Turbo stands for "Arthur."

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I Forget... Which Part is the 'Medulla' and Which Part is the 'Oblongata'...?

No time for blogging today! I am busy reaching across the aisle on the senate floor! Speaker Pelosi has passed the GI Bill in the house, But in the senate it only has 58 sponsors. We need 60 to get past the president's veto! 11 of the sponsors are Republicans, so I am going to see if I can 'persuade' some of their colleagues to see things my way... (I forget... Which part is the 'medulla' and which part is the 'oblongata'...? Oh, never mind! It's all the same anyway...) In the meantime, you can watch these swell music videos! I've got The Friends of Disctinction singing "Love or Let Me Be Lonely", The Velvelettes singing "He Was Really Saying Something", and Mary Wilson singing "Oooh Child". (Lean back and relax, Senator Vitter. This is going to be extremely painful...)

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Great Minds Work Alike. (Then Again, So Do Evil Minds...)

There is a lot of talk about the recently uncovered statements of John Hagee, the controversial evangelical leader and endorser of Sen. John McCain. [ 1, 2, 3 ] According to this book, the phrase "'Behold, I am going to send for many fishermen,' declares the Lord, 'and they will fish for them; and afterwards I will send for many hunters, and they will hunt them from every mountain and every hill and from the clefts of the rocks,'*" was also a favorite of Victor Houteff of the The Branch Davidians of Waco, Texas. (I'm just saying...)

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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

It's Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator's Fourth and FranIAm's First Blogoversary!

Hey Kids! It's Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator's Four Year Blogoversary!
(Go stop by and congratulate him!)

FranIAm -
And it's FranIAm's One Year Blogoversary!
(Go stop by and congratulate her, too!)

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The Mothra Girls in Mini-Skirts!

No time for blogging today! Germaine Gregarius and I are busy spreading our 'Happy Underpants' message of peace and love to the voters! (Our complete line of anti-personnel weaponry now come in 'Psychedelic Chiffon', 'Malevolent Macramé', 'Sweet & Sour Flower Power' and 'Flaming Hot Pinko'!) In the meantime you can watch the Japanese mini-skirt goodness of the musical group Pink Lady singing, "Stop in the Name of Love"! (Heads up! The Mothra girls are all grown up now, and are performing covers of Mowtown classics!)

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Supergirl and the Romance Machine

Adventure Comics #388, via

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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Go-Go's - They've Got the Beat!

"Our Lips Are Sealed" [ 2, 3, 4 ]
"We Got The Beat" [ 2 ]
"Get up and Go"
"Head Over Heels"
"Vacation" [ 2 ]
"Turn To You"
"Can't Stop the World"
Lust to love [ 2 ]
"Yes or No"
I Think I Need Sleep
We don't get along
Whole World Lost Its Head
Let's Get Together (The Parent Trap)
Surf City
Dancing With Myself
I wanna be sedated
Go-Gos Montage
Good Morning America Oct 1994
Kids: "We Got The Beat"

When I was in high school, none of my friends would ever admit to owning a copy of a Go-Go's album, even when I inevitably found a Go-Go's album in their record stack.

It just wasn't cool to own a girl's pop bubblegum album. I always heard the same excuse about Go-Gos albums, "Oh, it belongs to my sister," "Somebody gave it to me," or "How did that get in there?"

When I took their Go-Go's albums out of the sleeves, the same tracks would invariably be worn down to scratchy obscurity, regardless of who's album it was. Songs like "We Got The Beat" and "Our Lips Are Sealed" were universal teen anthems.

You would always hear the Go-Go's played as dance music at high school parties, where a lamp always got broken, some guy always puked, a girl always cried - and the bathrooms were always occupied. Some moron would always put Yes or Journey on the stereo, and those bands would be quickly ousted for some proper upbeat dance music, like the Go-Go's. Now the party could get started!

All of the women in the band were immediately hot just because they were in an all girl rock group, but Belinda Carlisle was extra prom queen yummiliscious wonderful! She wore cut-up sweatshirts and capri pants, truncated sweaters or tiny summer dresses.

Belinda danced in her own unique "girls just gotta have fun" style. All lead vocalists have the dilemma of what to do with their hands while they sing, whether or not to dance, or tap their foot, or stand stock still - or whatever. Belinda Carlisle had her own retro-beatnik love goddess shuffle. She would swing her torso to the left and lift her right leg, and then reverse it, over and over. Sometimes she would clap or snap her fingers as well.

It sounds so simple! But it was different and playful, and she was delicious with every step! She always looked casual, fun loving and most importantly cool. Not an aloof punk rocker cool, but a "girls have way more fun than guys" cool. She knew a secret and she was letting you in on it, with a knowing sideways glance and a sly endearing smile.

The Go-Go's!

According to Wikipedia, the Go-Go's made "rock history as the first all-woman band that wrote their own songs and played their own instruments to top the Billboard charts with a number-one album."

Another interesting fact is that Go-Go's guitarist and vocalist Jane Wiedlin played Joan of Arc in "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure". She helped the "Wyld Stallyns" find the key to world peace and ultimate truth! And she also helped Bill and Ted finish their history report, of course.

Oh, and a very young Rob Lowe is featured in the gender-bending 1984 music video for "Turn To You".

This is a Zaius Nation update.

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