Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Saturday, May 30, 2009

What's in a name? That Which We Call a Blog By Any Other Name Would Smell as Sweet

A friend of mine is trying to think of a name for her new blog. I think that these would all be good names for a blog:

Schrödinger's Wombat

Johnny Sugarbowl and the Five Spoonfuls

Infinite Recursion Causes Stack Overflow

Festering Conclusions

My Solipsism is Better Than Your Solipsism

The Firehose of Inane Blatherings

Fun With Deep Vein Thrombosis

Did Someone Say, "Fabulous"?

The Salad Bar of High Moral Standards

Word Salad Jazzmatron


Do you have any suggestions?

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Friday, May 29, 2009

She Noticed Me! She Noticed Me! Amy Walters Noticed Me!


I would like to personally congratulate Amy Walter for being named one of the Top 50 Journalists in Washingtonian Magazine! I just found out about this, I'm very excited for her.

For those of you who don't know who Amy Walter is, I should tell you that she is the Editor in Chief of "The Hotline" and has a weekly column in National Journal. She is part of a hoity-toity, non-partisan news organization that provides "Insight for Insiders" to members of Congress, Capitol Hill staffers, the White House, Executive Branch agencies, the media, think tanks, corporations, associations and lobbyists. This is the news that the stiffs in Washington are watching.

She has been a panelist and commentator on Face the Nation (CBS), Meet the Press (NBC), Washington Journal (C-SPAN), Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO), and The Early Show (CBS) and was a member of CNN's Emmy-award winning election night team in 2006. Ms. Walter also has her own YouTube show on Hotline TV. (You can read more about her awesome accomplishments at this link.)

She has been called a "force in political analysis", but we really shouldn't hold this against her. What is perhaps most distressing about Ms. Walter is that she actually seems to know what she is talking about.

Ms. Walter's greatest strength is that she is just very smart and clever, and her take on politics is enlightening and enjoyable to listen to. She is not yet another media-mill puppy farm 'blonde beauty pageant winner turned TV news anchor' added to give some TV 'news' program a manufactured, overly-scripted, sponsor-endorsed 'female perspective'. She is just very good at what she does.

As I have blogged about Ms. Walter in the past, I was pleasantly surprised to find that she is on Facebook. I was further delighted to find that she has actually seen my posts about her!

I was a bit miffed that the quote that she liked from another fan's email was actually lifted from one of my previous posts about her:

Am I the only nerd that has a crush on Amy Walter? When she says the word "gerrymander," it makes me want to appoint a special counsel to the UN. She can hold a special election in my district any day.

But then again, they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I am just happy that Ms. Walter noticed my posts about her. (She noticed me! She noticed me!)

There are some other clips of Ms. Walter on the internet, including her getting a word in edgewise on Real Time with Bill Maher (2:53). You can also watch Ms. Walter give this great speech where she explains the reason why 'bridezilla' Barack Obama did not get married to Hillary Clinton (or even let her become the maid of honor... Or something... I am not sure that I understood this part of the speech very well). She also discusses how John McCain could improve his image on camera if he was animated by Hanna-Barbera, and she even talks about the relative merits of the morning-time usage of a kazoo.

I think that Amy Walter should have her own TV show!


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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Ack! I am the Victim of a Transporter Malfunction!

Ack! I have been caught in an quasi-entrobial Hasslein distortion loop while being beamed to the planet Tralmafador via the Starship Enterprise transporter! (Damn you and your Saurian brandy, Engineer Scott!) Click here to see the horrifying results. The unusual effects have been most embarrassing, I must say! (On the plus side, after the event I found a considerable number of delicious Cheez-It's discreetly lodged in my underpants, so at least I have something crunchy to snack on. Mmm, crispy cheesiness!)


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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I'm Having One of Those Days...

Aw, shoot...

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Monday, May 25, 2009

In Memory of Our Heroes


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Friday, May 22, 2009

Archie Andrews is Getting Married


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Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Terrible Twos


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Baby Panda Sneeze

No time for blogging today! Germaine Gregarious and I are busy expanding the horizons of some of our corporate adversaries with some gentle musical persuasion. (The hills are alive with the sound of potassium nitrate!) In the meantime, you can watch this swell video of a Baby Panda Sneeze. (Holy crap! Jeepers, Ms. Gregarious - That really was quite loud, I must say. I should have brought earplugs!)


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The Original "Land of the Lost" to be Found On the Sci-Fi Channel!


The Sci-Fi Channel is going to be running the original episodes of "Land of the Lost" on Monday May 25th, Thursday June 4th, and Friday June 5th. (Check you local listings for the correct distortions to your time-space continuum.)

One of the greatest fans of this nifty show is Sleestak over at Lady, That's My Skull.

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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Sorry, Captain Nemo

I had to take my cat, Captain Nemo, to the vet to be fixed today. I had to starve him the night before so that he didn't have a reaction with the anesthetic, and I can't begin to describe how shocked he was to not be fed in a timely fashion. ("I am shocked, Sir! Shocked, I say!")

He didn't make a peep when I took him to the vet, though. He just looked really scared.

Sorry, Captain Nemo.


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Rep. Tom Price is to Become the Latest Member of the Rush Limbaugh Apology Tour

We have seen a steady succession of Republicans openly speak out against Rush Limbaugh, only to apologize to him after being berated by Limbaugh on his radio program. (We're talking about RNC Chairman Michael Steele, Congressman Eric Cantor, Congressman Phil Gingrey, Congressman Todd Tiahrt, Congressional Candidate Jim Tedisco, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, etc.)

The latest Republican politician to stick his neck on the chopping block is Representative Tom Price, who said, "Look, it's not up to Rush Limbaugh to decide who ought to be in the Republican Party." [ 1 ] Limbaugh has already responded to Rep. Price on his radio program. [ 2 ]

We can expect an apology from Rep. Price in five, four, three, two...

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Exploring Squishy Materials


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Friday, May 15, 2009

Cowabunga! Join the Sean Hannity Waterboarding Team!

Do you want to help Sean Hannity keep his promise to get waterboarded for charity? Then join the Sean Hannity Waterboarding Team!

(Vote as often as you like!)

If you want to invite other to join the team, you can add this nifty widget to your blog:
<CENTER><SCRIPT TYPE="text/javascript" LANGUAGE="javascript" CHARSET="utf-8" SRC=""></SCRIPT><NOSCRIPT>
<A HREF="">Do you want to help Sean Hannity keep his promise to get waterboarded for charity?</A><SPAN STYLE="font-size:9px;">(<A HREF="">opinion poll</A>)</SPAN></NOSCRIPT></CENTER>
Simply copy and paste this code into your blog thingie.

Or you can show your support with this sidebar item:

Cowabunga! Join the Sean Hannity Waterboarding Team!


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President Obama and the "Democrat Socialist Party"


The Republican National Committee is getting ready to approve a resolution rebranding Democrats as the "Democrat Socialist Party". The resolution is as follows:

RESOLVED, that we the members of the Republican National Committee call on the Democratic Party to be truthful and honest with the American people by acknowledging that they have evolved from a party of tax and spend to a party of tax and nationalize and, therefore, should agree to rename themselves the Democrat Socialist Party. [ 1 ]

To better explain why the Republicans are saying these things, we need to examine their recent assertions to get a better understanding of the evidence they are presenting...

In an interview, Representative Pete Sessions (R) said that President Obama intended to "diminish employment and diminish stock prices" as part of a "divide and conquer" strategy to consolidate power. He states that Obama intends to "inflict damage and hardship on the free enterprise system, if not to kill it." [ 1, 2 ]

So the Republicans are suggesting that Obama is planning on destroying the economy to curry favor with the American people. Interesting...

Michele Bachmann warns that President Obama is trying to create an unstoppable power base: "And as the Democrats are about to institutionalize cartels -- that's what they're very good at -- they're trying to consolidate power! So we need to do everything we can to thwart them at every turn to make sure that they aren't able to, for all time, secure a power base that for all time can never be defeated."

"If you look at FDR, LBJ, and Barack Obama, this is really the final leap to socialism," said Bachmann. "But we all know that we could turn this around and we can turn this around fairly quickly. We're still a free country." Bachmann is specifically pointing out her direct opposition to FDR's Social Security program and LBJ's Medicare program. [ 1 ]

conservative commentator Bill Kristol agrees, "They should do their best not to permit Obama to rush his agenda through this year. They can't allow Obama to make of 2009 what Franklin Roosevelt made of 1933 or Johnson of 1965. Slow down the policy train." [ 1 ]

So the Republicans want to warn Americans that President Obama might create programs and policies that are as successful and popular as Social Security and Medicare. Interesting...

And the economy is not the only part of the Obama administration's strategy that the Republicans and their 'Just-say-no strategy' are attempting to forestall. Nevada Sen. John Ensign and the Republican Policy Committee have already created a 28 pages of talking points to oppose the president's health care legislation which hasn't even been presented yet. [ 1 ]

Rep. Eric Cantor agreed that there is indeed a healthcare crisis, but feels that the best way to fix it is to do nothing. [ 1 ]

So the Republicans want to warn the American public that the Obama administration might actually do something to fix the healthcare crisis. Interesting...

And then there is that whole terrorist food preference thing...


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Monday, May 11, 2009

LGPPP, Inc. Corporate Training Video

No time for blogging today! I am too busy watching Germaine Gregarious' latest LGPPP, Inc. Corporate Training Video. In this exciting installment, an evil corporate pigboy gets his comeuppance for taking an enormous bonus from his company's bailout money. (And he had the gall to not even try to bribe either me or Germaine Gregarious. I was genuinely hurt.) If you missed the previous installment, you can watch it by clicking here.

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This Is My Professional Opinion...

Trust me, I'm a doctor.

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Saturday, May 09, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!


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Thursday, May 07, 2009

Bristol Palin Has Miraculously Transformed Herself Into the Abstinence Fairy!

Bristol Palin has successfully shed her image as a jilted unwed mother. Through the magical gullibility of Republican voters and the mainstream medias' ability to completely suspend their viewers' disbelief, Bristol Palin has been miraculously transformed into... the Abstinence Fairy!

Faster than a speeding condom...
More powerful than raging teenage hormones...
Able to leap her Mom's hypocrisy in a single bound!

Look! Up in the sky!
It's a bird. It's a plane. It's the Abstinence Fairy!

This blessed event has brought the famous mother-daughter team closer together than ever.

So check your local listings for Bristol Palin's next exciting television appearance...
She has an important message for you!

Meanwhile, the Huffington Post Fairy is still trying to destroy America.

(Post idea shamelessly stolen from Tengrain.)

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Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Miss California is Trying to Redefine Marriage with Her Giant Anti-Gay Jesus Boobs

The onslaught of the media has been rough as of late for the new Miss California, Carrie Prejean. (Shouldn't that be Ms. California?) She created something of a stir when answering a question during the competition when she stated that she believed marriage should only be between a man and woman.

Later the news surfaced that she recently had breast augmentation surgery that was paid for by the Miss California Organization, just weeks before the Miss USA pageant.

The most recent scandal to come to light is the publication of topless and semi-nude photos of Ms. Prejean on the internet. Ms Prejean has already rebutted these stories by saying that the web site that published these photos, "openly mocks me for my Christian faith."

For those that find this statment to be kind of odd don't know the real story...

(Carrie Prejean Miss California) You see, anti-gay Jesus came down from anti-gay Heaven...
You see, anti-gay Jesus came down from anti-gay Heaven...

(Carrie Prejean Miss California) yea and verily, i say unto you - Behold the giant gay-hating jesus boobs! yea and verily, Behold the giant gay-hating jesus boobs!
And gave Miss California giant magical anti-gay boobs so that she could...

(Carrie Prejean Miss California) the Miss California pageant and appear as the official spokesmodel for 'opposite marriage' in an upcoming ad funded by the conservative group the National Organization for Marriage. the Miss California pageant and appear as the official spokesmodel for "opposite marriage" in an upcoming ad funded by the conservative group the National Organization for Marriage.

(Carrie Prejean Miss California) No giant boobs for you because you don't hate gay people enough! ...And you aren't blonde.
You see, It all makes sense in the proper context. Alabama House To Praise Miss California For Anti-Gay Marriage Position
Huffington Post: Miss California's Breast Implants Funded By Pageant: CONFIRMED
Associated Press: Prejean says racy Web photos posted to mock faith Carrie Prejean Miss California Topless Photos Surface on the Web Wait, Didn't Miss California Swear Off Politics?
Mercury News: Pageant PR rep accuses Miss California of lying
Huffington Post: Miss California To Campaign Against Gay Marriage Pageant Paid for Miss California's Fake Boobs (Before, After Photos) Miss California Puts Those Breast Implants Right To Work Is Miss California intolerant, or are her opponents? Miss California likes opposite marriage better then gay marriage

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Yes, We Can Has

Found it here.

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Monday, May 04, 2009

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil... Unless It is To My Direct Advantage, Of Course!

Although I am still hoping that the Obama Administration will come to their senses and appoint me to the still vacant Surgeon General post, with the recent news that David Souter is retiring From the Supreme Court I would like to formally submit my application for this position as well.

As the Minister of Science and Chief Defender of the Faith of Ape City, I have acted as magistrate in countless legal proceedings, many of which were directly related to the disposition of humans and their welfare.

Also, my forensic administrative abilities as Chief Lobotomist of Ape City will most certainly be of exceptional value in judicial matters of the high court, regardless of whether the issues at hand are statutory, regulatory or pontifical. (And I have it on good authority that 'lobotomy' is actually a code word for 'Activist Judge'!)

(By the way, the chocolate cake on my desk was used as crucial evidence in an important dessert-napping case, and was not merely a delicious afternoon snack.)

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Friday, May 01, 2009

Gov. Palin and That Porky Old Stimulus Money

To act within the guidelines of her deep felt conservative values and in accordance with her national political aspirations, Gov. Sarah Palin refused to accept the federal economic stimulus money for Alaskan schools, energy assistance and social services.

But that was then, and this is now!

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Trampstamp Barbie


'I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.'

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"Pregnant Women are Smug" by Garfunkel and Oates

No time for blogging today! Germaine Gregarious and I are busy collecting samples of the local aquatic fauna. (Ms. Gregarious says that if it's self-propelled and explodes below the waterline, it's a keeper!) In the meantime, you can watch this swell music video of the song, "Pregnant Women are Smug" by Garfunkel and Oates. (Ouch! I've just barked my shin on a proximity detonator!)


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Various Pictures Found On the Internet



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Lots of Dogs

KTVA-TV Sportscaster Sarah Palin

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