Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The 'Party of No' Onion Ring

I was innocently sampling the wares at my local all-you-can-eat rib shack recently, and while dining on the healthy vegetable portion of my meal I came across this curious 'Party of No!' symbol that was lurking amongst the nutritious onion rings and French fries.

Despite my deeply undernourished and famished condition, I refused to eat the offending morsel for fear of upsetting the sensitive political balance of my delicate stomach (and I also wanted to save room for dessert, of course), and instead decided to bring the disagreeable tidbit home for closer inspection and further study.

I submit the following photographs that clearly illustrate the nuanced and discerning sensibilities of my extra-awesome cat, Captain Nemo. I am happy to say that his opinion on the subject of the mysterious 'o-ring of no' coincided with mine:

"Meowmm... What is this circular object of battered and fried onion goodness?"

"Bah! This is a foul 'Party of No' onion ringie thingie!"

As an aside, I would like to point out another interesting event that happened during the course of my light repast. Because of my numerous travels through time I am able to recall the days when restaurants would actually bring you a hot towel at the end of your pork rib dinner for you to clean your fingers, hands and pelt with.

I was surprised to find that at the end of this particular evening's meal that our server brought us hot, microwaved prepackaged moist towelettes, still in the package! It was quite a struggle to get the plastic packaging off of the moist towelettes with greasy paws, I must say...

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The Bottom Kill Junk Shot Bathtub Blowout Plugifier

No time for blogging today! I'm about to launch my new drilling machine in Australia to quell the horrific BP oil spill. I am going to drill straight through the center of the earth to reach the site of the nasty oil leak and deliver my "Bottom Kill Junk Shot Bathtub Blowout Plugifier"! (You may think that my plan is silly, but you can't argue that it's any more foolish than any of the attempts to shut down the well that have already been made.)

In the meantime you can watch this swell video that shows how I recently saved America's important television lifestyle from zombie-satellite Galaxy 15 by steering satellite AMC-11 clear of the radio interference of the rogue spacecraft, which almost interrupted the television programming from up to 45 different cable channels! I have mentioned this potentially television-lifestyle crippling dilemma previously.

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My Friend George Sent Me This


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Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Tea Party Movement Finds It's Voice

Republican Senate nominee Rand Paul's message has taken the Tea Party by storm.

unlike the jaded rhetoric of the many incumbent politicians...

Finally a politician in the United States has emerged...

with a message that the Tea Party can truly support.


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With a Little Luck, Maybe This Will Screw Up FOX News

No time for blogging today! I'm far to busy trying to save America's important television lifestyle from an imminent invasion of the zombie-satellite Galaxy 15, which is in danger of interrupting the television signal from the satellite AMC-11 and destroying the programming from up to 45 different cable channels!

'Zombie' satellite runs amok in Earth's orbit
An attempt to shut down the electronics payload of the out-of-control communications satellite Galaxy 15 has failed, leaving the satellite - which ceased responding to ground commands last month - still in its uncontrolled "zombiesat" drift toward orbits occupied by other spacecraft, the satellite's fleet operator Intelsat said Tuesday.

Galaxy 15 is closing in on the geostationary orbital slot occupied by another C-band satellite, the AMC-11 spacecraft operated by SES World Skies, and with its stuck-on communications payload will be in a position to cause potentially severe interference with the SES satellite during a two-week period starting around May 23, according to Intelsat and SES estimates.

The unsuccessful attempt to shut down the so-called "zombiesat" – a satellite industry term for failed satellites in orbit - occurred on Monday.

CNN: Rogue satellite may impact cable TV in U.S.
AP: Drifting satellite threatens US cable programming 'Zombie' satellite runs amok in Earth's orbit

On the other hand, considering the state of television programming as of late this event might be something of a blessing in disguise...

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Sunday, May 09, 2010

Death is a Debt That We All Must Pay, But Not Before Dessert!

My deepest suspicions have recently been confirmed... Fruits and vegetables are in fact bad for your health! All of them are quite deadly, but scientists have valiently listed the peskiest of these pestilent produce, aptly calling them the Dirty Dozen! [ 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ]

In my opinion, the only vegetables that are truly safe are chocolate cake and ice cream.

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I Am Sorry That I Haven't Been Blogging Lately, I Have Been Very Busy...


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Only In America...

The ultimate Mother's Day gift...

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