Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Tuesday, April 22, 2008



I have noticed that there is an ongoing competition amongst bloggers to get the highest rating on the CUSS-O-METER. This reminds me of a local bar in California that bought and installed a breathometer (alcohol breath tester) in the bar so that patrons could use it to determine if they were too drunk to drive. They quickly removed the device because the patrons were instead using the breathometer to see who could drink the most and blow the highest score!

I almost never use swear words in writing. It is not a matter of my being a prude, more a matter of brevity and trying to find the actual humor of a turn of a phrase. For me it is usually a lot funnier to say something "blue" in a roundabout euphamism or with blatantly silly inuendo. I have nothing against other bloggers using them, and some authors use them is such a creative and forceful way that you could describe their writing as genius.

Unless the swear word is used specifically as a noun, the meaning of a swear word is almost invariably "very." Usually swearing is merely used as emphasis, even when it used as a noun.

Rarely is a swear word really needed to make a statement funny. If a phrase is not very funny without a swear word, was it really very funny in the first place?

Pictures are a lot more fun for me than words, anyways.

A far greater sin than swearing in my opinion is the use of really long paragraphs. It makes the process of reading far more difficult, and appears to the reader that the author did not take them time to properly display their words. Breaking up text into paragraphs is done to make the reading easier to digest visually. It is far easier to follow a story when it is broken up into paragraphs.

(I first wrote about this in the comments of a really great post by Blue Gal on the subject.)

By the way, your CUSS-O-METER rating is also based on the words used by those that comment on your blog, apparently. If you want to increase your rating, you could ask your commenters to cuss more. A low CUSS-O-METER rating could even be the result of a significant amount of comments that have no cussing in them!

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At Tue Apr 22, 07:25:00 AM, Blogger Übermilf said...

Fuck that fucking cuss-o-meter.

At Tue Apr 22, 07:48:00 AM, Blogger FranIAm said...

All I know is that I came up as zero on it so I didn't even post the fucker.

What kind of bullshit is that?

I am not getting into the cussometer pissing match, no fucking way.

That was a great post by BG - most excellent.

At Tue Apr 22, 08:34:00 AM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

Already being that color, would Smurfs declare that they're saying something blue, or do they chose another shade for vulgarity, such as yellow, or magenta?

At Tue Apr 22, 08:52:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, you are classy like that. You don't need to cuss to get your point across. Your fab suits do the cussing for you.

At Tue Apr 22, 08:58:00 AM, Blogger mwb said...

Paragraphs: Remember size isn't everything. It's not the size of the paragraph but what you do with it! ;-)

At Tue Apr 22, 10:32:00 AM, Blogger Dave The Angry Rhode Islander said...

My Cuss-o-meter goes to 11. That's one louder...

Actually, I use them in my posts a lot because that's how I tend to speak. I like swearing, even though I know that it does give the impression that one is a lout and uneducated. Fuck impressions.

At Tue Apr 22, 10:34:00 AM, Blogger Jess Wundrun said...

Fuck you, Dr. Zaius! You're just jealous of my 69.3%. he he.

For swearing, none can beat The Rude Pundit

At Tue Apr 22, 10:37:00 AM, Blogger Jess Wundrun said...

Fer crapfuck's sake, the fucking link didn't work for shit.

Here it is again.


At Tue Apr 22, 12:45:00 PM, Blogger Dean Wormer said...

Does it pick up swearing in another language?

Presidente Bush tiene una cabeza de caca.

See if that bumps it up.

At Wed Apr 23, 12:02:00 AM, Blogger Johnny Yen said...

Blimey! When those machines started showing up in bars in my college in the early to mid eighties, we used them for the exact same thing! I had no idea that we were pioneers.

I'll have to check my site on the cuss-o-meter. I tend to keep the swearing down since my kids and my father-in-law read my blog, but my son recently ran it on his blog and scored quite well. And I'll be damned if I'll be out-cussed by my son.

At Wed Apr 23, 07:13:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Übermilf: I agree! Darned CUSS-O-METER!

FranIAm: I am actually envious. I wish that I had come up zero.

Randal Graves: What a silly question! Smurfs would never find themseleves in that situation. Tey wouldn't know what a curse word was if it gave them a Dirty Sanchez!

DCup: I have a feeling that you are being factious here... My suits don't talk! (Although Britney Spears' underpants do.)

MWB: That's what your girlfrind told you, right? ;o)

Dave The Angry Rhode Islander: "My Cuss-o-meter goes to 11. That's one louder..." (Hee hee!) I have nothing against other bloggers using curse words. You should write how you feel most comfortable.

Jess Wundrun: Ha! Curse-word peer pressure from Ms. Wundrun! Wear your turn of phrase with pride, and prove that you are different, rebellious and unique - by displaying the same CUSS-O-METER as everyone else.

Jess Wundrun: Ha! You probably got a curse word in your HTML!

Dean Wormer: Ha! Dick Cheney is a poo-poo head too. (Hee hee!)

Johnny Yen: That's right! Prove to your son that he has failed at living up to your expectations yet again! ;o)

At Wed Apr 23, 10:35:00 AM, Blogger angry ballerina said...

Thank you for the...err....kind words

-The Fucked Up Ballerina

At Wed Apr 23, 01:50:00 PM, Blogger GETkristiLOVE said...

I want more blantantly silly inuendos, of course. What we need is an inuendo-meter.

At Thu Apr 24, 04:48:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Angry Ballerina: Sure! I hope that you are OK after your accident.

GETkristiLOVE: Ha! An inuendo-meter! I love it! That's brilliant.

At Fri Apr 25, 03:25:00 PM, Blogger dguzman said...

But GKL would blow up the innuendo-meter with just one or two of Coach Lance's comments! tee hee

Turn of phrase, shmurn of phrase; I'm still jealous of Jess Wundrun's bitchin' score. Bitch.

At Sat Apr 26, 09:51:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Jess Wundrun appears to be the CUSS-O-METER leader at this point! It is important to have goals in life, to be sure.


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