"Disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff reported to prison today for his six-year term for bribing members of Congress. Here is the ironic part -- on his first day in prison, he ran into more congressmen than he did when he was on Capitol Hill." --Jay Leno
"Germany is filing a war crimes lawsuit against Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld for allegedly allowing the torture of prisoners in Iraq and Guantanamo Bay. Man, that's when you know you've crossed the line -- when Germans are accusing you of war crimes." --Jay Leno
"As a result of this week's election, the new Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, is now the most powerful woman in the country.
After hearing this, Oprah Winfrey said, 'Yeah right.'" --Conan O'Brien