After over a week in office, Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats running congress have yet to even mention any plans to save the marriage of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. Somethng must be done about the Spears-Federline marriage immediately!
Mr. Spears K-Fed Fed-X
Kevin Federline is seriously considering a marriage proposal
from cult classic Pink Flamingos
director John Waters! Despite the awful things that Federline has done to Spears, Waters was quick to defend his boy-bride to be, saying, "You don't see him out there getting out of limousines and flashing his shaved crotch." (i.e. 1
Waters said that his man-boy crush on Federline turned to love after a whirlwind romance based on a love for great art and their mutual respect for each other's careers. "There's something about that guy I like, something very Baltimore and sleazy about him." Said Waters.
Water's is very supportive of Federline's music career. He recently bought Federline's latest CD, Playing with Fire
. "I consider it a prized possession; I haven't even taken it out of the wrapper." Said Waters, stating that the rap music on the CD was so good that it's unique "freshness" must be kept sealed in.
Waters was very dismissive of Spears. "What did he (Federline) do that was so wrong? She's the idiot. I hope he gets the kids — he deserves them more than she does." Waters refused to a acknowledge whether or not he was wearing panties at the time of the interview.
Mr. Spears K-Fed Fed-X
Kevin Federline's deep meaningful Christian feelings for Miss Spears are clearly drifting as he sinks lower into the morass of sin and inequity that can come with a highly successful music career.
Federline was seen attempting to return some clothes
that were a gift to him from Spears to generate some quick cash. There has been no report on whether or not he was wearing panties at the time.
Britney Spears is dating a male model! The new beau is Isaac Cohen, and he is the spitting image of her estranged husband Kevin Federline! Cohen has been renamed as K-Fed 2.0. In an unusual romantic overture, Spears puked
all over her new boyfriend's "stick shift." This must be a sign that she still loves Federline, and Congress must do something immediately! (Cohen was reportedly wearing Calvin Klein underwear at the time of the incident.)
Britney Spears is so upset about the breakup of her marriage to Federline, that she has been snacking like crazy. What she has been snacking on are the small dog-like creatures ("Chihuahuas") she is often seen with. She has apparently eaten at least three of them, as three of the creatures (Named Lucky, Lacy, and Bit-Bit) have gone missing recently, and she has been spotted buying a fourth! She has named the latest Doggie Treat "Snow White," at least for now.
After spending $3,200 on her newest
pet, Spears surprised a homeless man and handed him $300 in cash. The homeless man was reportedly a former employee of the Pentagon. There has been no report of the status of the homeless man's underwear.
The mysterious disappearance of the three rudimentary life forms that Spears had as pets are not the only creatures of the night that are abandoning her coffin. The recent spate of bad luck suffered by Spears has included the loss of two her stylists
. one of them, Britt Bardo (whose clients include Kate Hudson, Jennifer Lopez and Eva Mendes) insists she isn't the one responsible for Spears' recent fashion choices.
"Yes, I've done Britney Spears, but don't blame me, okay? I make her up and she just takes everything off and does her own thing,"
said Bardo. Spears was most recently spotted in Santa Monica, California stylishly sporting cowboy boots and a fluorescent bikini. She was not wearing any underwear at the time, but Bardo was relieved to find out that Spears was indeed wearing the entire bikini, and acknowledged that fluorescent colors are very difficult to accessorize without clashing.
Spears was further slighted by the People's Choice Awards
. She was not nominated for any of the awards! Jennifer Aniston and Halle Berry attribute their awards that night to the fact that they were wearing underwear. "Man, I tell you, it's a lucky thing we do wear underwear, huh?" Aniston said
. Who know that underwear played such a vital role in the celebrity status machine?
And yet this underwear theory of award-winning seems flawed. Both Spears and her BFF Paris Hilton both tied for number one spot
on Mr Blackwell's
47th annual Worst Dressed Women List. So this clearly shows that Britney is still a winner!
On the David Letterman show, Madonna was demoted from Britney's BFF
list to her NBFF
(Not Best Friends Forever) list. "And so I've come to New York and the first thing I hear is about everyone not wearing their underpants. What's going on? ... It's freezing outside!" Madonna said on the program. Madonna said that she was wearing latex jockey shorts during the filming of the interview.
Kelly Osbourne, Daughter of Bat-head eating Ozzy Osbourne, was also critical of Spears, and had a few choice words for Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan as well. Ms. Osborne would not comment on the underwear that she was wearing during the interview, except to say that they were decorated tastefully with a cartoon character. "They are very trendy underpants! The cartoon character is on Adult Swim
!" Osbourne said. The It's an ill omen when the upper crust of the top matrons of society like Kelly Osbourne are frowning on a poor waif like Britney.
Michael Musto, comparing having sex with Britney Spears to a visit to the local 7-11, said recently on the Countdown with Keith Olbermann
Program said that "I think K-Fed could romance her back if he refills her Slurpee." I think that he is on the right track in that snack foods are the key to the puzzle, but the real secret to saving the marriage of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline is an emergency congressional ammendment
to create a new hybrid snack flavor, Cool Ranch Cheetos.
Federline loves Doritos
, either regular or cool ranch flavored. Spears, on the other hand, is fond of Cheetos
. Save Britney's Marriage Linksjonswift.blogspot.com: Save Britney's MarriageAMERICAblog: Please support the Defense of Britney's Marriage Act Zaius Nation: We must save Britney's marriage now--before it is too late!Zaius Nation: Feminists have taken up the cause to save Britney Spears' marriage!Zaius Nation: Won't congress do something?