Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Friday, April 13, 2007

A Few Press Releases Short of a Homeland Security Alert

I don't want to give you the impression that I just sit around all day reading blogs and watching videos on YouTube, but...

Part of a Daily Balanced Diet
I was trying to figure out my taxes, and I can't begin to tell you how happy I am that they now hav a 1087 alpha-orangutan form, the "scientific and theocratic simian leader from the future" form. Those guys think of everything! Still, I am having trouble find a bank that will convert my Ape City cash for American dollars.

Blue Gal's Easter Weekend Blog Against Theocracy was a huge success. If you missed it, you can still go read all of the links. (Insert shameless self-promotion here) My contribution was the online comic Jesus Convention, and the unfortunately tardy The Archie Gang - With Special Guest Star Test Tube Jesus!. Both of which you should go an d read right now. I'm not saying that puppies will be mistreated by rodeo clowns if you don't go read them, but do you really want to take that chance?

Tiny Plaid Ninja. Tiny Plaid Ninja. Tiny Plaid Ninja. Go watch Tiny Plaid Ninja. He's Tiny! He's Plaid! He's a Ninja! Go watch Tiny Plaid Ninja. Tiny Plaid Ninja. Tiny Plaid Ninjaaaaaaa! (Are you still here? Go watch it already!)

I used to like Becca at No Smoking at the Skull Cave, but that was before I found out that she had so many toys that rightfully should belong to ME! I shouldn't be jealous, but just look at all of the cool stuff she has! I thought I had some neat stuff, but looking at her toys makes me feel like Charlie Brown on Halloween. ("I got a rock.") She's got Misc. Star Wars, Xena, Wrestling and He-Man toys, Pokemon toys, Cartoon-Related toys, Lord of the Rings toys, Movie and Video Game Related toys and even a girl in a bikini riding a robot dinosaur! Life is so unfair.

Which brings up my next subject, what do I want for Christmas? It's never too early to start making a list! I am going to ask Santa for Lawgiver statue 1, Lawgiver statue 2, every single Medicom Toy Store POTA playset, Oh heck...How about just one of everything POTA from Then of course, I really need one of these for around the house, the Trilogy of Terror Zuni Fetish Warrior. (If you haven't seen Trilogy of Terror, then you just wouldn't understand.) I have no idea how I am even able to answer the phone without an Optimus Prime Voice Changer Helmet. I need two sets of these Corporate Zombies - one for my sister, naturally. Don't laugh at this next one, there are many pefectly valid reasons for having a Mr. Potato Head Spiderman, I just haven't thought of any of them yet. I also need one of everything from Flapjack Toys, and of course an animatronic human sculpture in bronze and stainless steel by Mark Ho. While you are at it Santa, I wouldn't mind Scooby Dooby Doo, Seasons 1 & 2 (See? It rhymes!), and a Plush Monty Python Killer Rabbit. I think that for Christmas gifts this year, I will give out Giant Microbes, becuase that's just the kind of guy I am!

Sometimes the cover is better than the book, in this case the website may be better than most books! This site advertising a book called no one belongs here more than you is sheer genius! Via the wonderful Blue Gal.

TBDOA was the greatest link I've seen in a long time! (It's not just about teddy bears, OK?) And then I saw the Columbia Business School's Dean Glenn Hubbard put his heart on his sleeve. Too funny! Both via the incomperable Omnipotent Poobah.

This video of the "Superfriends Office Space" confirms all of my previous suspisions. Gren Lantern is a total dickhead!

If your graphic design teacher was Quentin Tarantino, you might come up with something like this: "Pulp Fiction in Typography." With the right soundtrack and sunglasses, any font is deadly. (San-serif or not.)

These college students perform a "live-action" skit of the old school super mario brothers video game at a talent show. It's HILARIOUS... Super Mario Brothers via Damn Cool Pics.

Samurai Frog has posted a brilliant send-up of the Commander in Thief, "From Bushspeak to Plain English, This Guy's a Dick." "America, you know. Wow, America. Hey America, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind!"

This video was funnier than I thought would be, Steve Jobs Launches The iRack via Crooks and Liars

In the "Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?" department, I submit the following waste of time diversion. It's really funny to watch the different versions of Adam And The Ants doing the catchy pop tune "Goody Two Shoes". OK, that was funny, but check out Adam Ant's silly introductory dance numbers in these two videos: [ 2, 3 ]. Was that ever hip? And what is with that get-up he's wearing? The little gun and everything? I forgive him though, because he was really funny in the famous film that nobody has heard of, "Trust Me." Along related lines, Son of Svengoolie did a decent parody of Adam Ant's "Goody Two Shoes" called "Who Do You Amuse, You?" Also, my initial reaction to this sims 2 machinima version of the song was that it was kind of dreadful, (but I mean that in a best way!) but I found myself having a deep religious experience with the little blonde girl avatar that you see throughout the video. Who knew that you could get so attached to a complex series of ones and zeros! She plays the guitar in the beginning, near the middle she has a couple of hot dance numbers, the mandatory hot tub scene, and don't click out before the end of the ending credits! There is a brief bikini sequence where she fans herself. Be still my heart!

Check out some of the entrants in this Great Alice in Wonderland Sculpture contest. Some of these sculptures are really cool! The white Rabbit meets an untimely end in one them, I'm afraid.

For the kids, might I suggets The Politically Incorrect Alphabet. Great little iconic drawings.

A great clip from the film Bedazzled, The Post-box scene. This is one of the best films ever! This is from the 1967 version of the film With Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, which was brilliant! Not to be confused with the 2000 version of the film, which was on so-so, saved only because Elizabeth Hurley was in it, and Brendan Fraser was OK. If you haven't already seen the original 1967 version, then you really should do so. The fate of the free world depends on this!

Becca over at No Smoking in the Skull Cave found this great video of an Eddie Izzard bit about the Death Star canteen as acted out by two vidiots. It's really funny! It's called "Who's Jeff Vader?"

A fellow simian, 10 Zen Monkeys, actually sent me these two cool links by email. My favorite is the Six Freakiest Childrens TV Rock Bands, and the other was 5 best videos animals attacking reporters.

Sometimes you have to see it to believe it, and sometimes you have to hear it to believe it. Click here to see some amazing breakdancing, and click here to hear "ricoloop im kammermusiksaal!."

A pretty Girl in a Cape is like a Melody
Not much Batgirl news going on this week, but the best Batgirl/Batwoman quote I have heard all month was: "So...Batwoman would be all MILF-y, right?" via Poor Mojo Newswire

Does a pretty girl in a cape need super-powers to catch her man? No, but it helps! Instead of Batgirl, this month I shall focus on Supergirl. Do you like to look at pictures of Supergirl? I mean a lot of pictures of Supergirl? How about even more pictures of Supergirl? So sorry, I am afraid that the only topic available today is way too many pictures of much Supergirl. A blogstorm of Supergirl pix was created by an assortment of very talented artists, and links to all of the pictures can be found at this link, Draw Supergirl. The sheer volume of pictures is astounding.

One blog tried to narrow it down a bit with Project Rooftop: [ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ]. No matter how you look at it, though, this is still a whole lotta Supergirl goin' on. It is impossible for me to find a favorite, but this one is pretty close! Titled "Darkseid vs Supergirl," I think it captures the essence of supergirl-y-ness, from a Darkseid perspective of course!

You must see this! A very brief Lufthansa promotional ad from the late 60s. Extra hippy chick delicious!

This is hilarious! Sarah Brightman's tribute to glitter, smoke machines and spandex, it's I Lost my Heart to a Starship Trooper. Trust me on this one, read the lyrics. "Space suit is lying on control room floor, Pulse rate increasing as the heat factor soars!" The allusions are intergalactically delicious! "Encounters one and two are not enough for me, What my body needs is close encounter three!" (See, she mentioned "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" without invoking copyright infringement. Oh, crap. it's just not funny if you have to explain it.) Via The Total Recall.

If you don't already have a collection of Hot ASCII Porn, then you don't know what your missing! Oh, man! I had no idea that monospaced fonts could be so naughty! via Poor Mojo Newswire.

This video is truly delightful! It's a Lily Allen video that describes reality far too well, to a reggae beat. Sadly, I doubt that most people want to hear about reality, but *jeepers* what a great video.

Don't bother me, I'm reliving my teenhood! The girls of the moment on YouTube for me are The Waitresses singing "I Know What Boys Like," Blondie singing "Dreaming," and Patty Smyth singing Goodbye to You.

This entry depicts Japanese girls singing Meenie-meenie-GO-GO-GO! from 1967. Did I mention they are wearing miniskirts and go-go dancing? Holy "Tiger Tanaka," Bond-san! Meenie-meenie-GO-GO-GO!

If this doesn't get a rise out of Samurai Frog and Becca, nothing will. The Comic Book Bondage Cover of the Day is cool enough by itself, but there is the Comic Book Bondage Cover of the Day - Previously Featured Covers Archive! Just go ahead and unplug the phone, this is going to take awhile.

Don't let the antique html fool you, there are some really great images of pulp covers at Galactic Central, including, Sci-Fi, Genre, Love Story, and "Saucy!" Favorite magazine category title? Scared Naked Magazine - Strange Plasma, of course.

Just for the Cap'n, Angelina Jolie fantasy hair: [ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 ] link via the Wonderful Wizard of Poobah, natch.

Why Cthulu is way cooler than any other religion, the invisible Octopus does a quick change. Porn with eight legs! Do the math - Just imagine what the garters would look like!

What's harder than a thesaurus and twice as long? Mosey on over to Woody's World of Penis Euphemisms! This may come in handy under some bizarre set of circumstances. (Then again, maybe not. Still, it's funny!)

I don't know where Samurai Frog find all of these great pictures, but here are some awesome shots of Rosario Dawson and Scarlett Johansson. Pretty amazing stuff - but sorry, Froggie. Your Kung Fu is weak when compared to Becca from No Smoking in the Skull Cave, who has provided us with a naked girl doing battle with action figures! Yowsa! We are talking Katia Corriveau versus GI Joe Kung-Fu Grip action! It's kind of hard to top that. Becca also found some great old Pepsi ads. If it's vintage, it's for me!

Barbie Porn! Not for the squemish, we have Psycho Barbie & Ken's Wedding Day Sex & Blood Bath Orgy via Omnipotent Poobah.

Jordan Matter photographer has produced a "collection of photographs featuring bare-breasted women in public around New York City" Uncovered: Busting Out in the Big Apple. It's not porn, though, it's art! Or at least that's what they tell me. Still, the girl eating pizza and the girl in the staircase makes me wanna do some major gerrymandering in my congressional districts, if you know what I mean.

Just in time for Easter! You know how all of the photos of the Britney Spears birth Statue were coyly taken from a front angle? Here it is, The Britney Spears birth Statue. From Behind. You can just see the tippy-top of the alien publicist head of a radioactive soon-to-be Scientologist emerging. See?

Peep Nation
These are all the links that I was going to post about Peeps for Easter, but didn't because I was to busy. Still, no good Peep should go uneaten, so you should find that the following links are guaranteed to be filled with rich, creamy Peepness: Peeps Corporate Headquarters, Cooking with Peeps, Peep Haiku, Wikipedia Peeps, Eat-A-Peep for Jesus, Tour of the Peep factory, Peeps as fish bait, Peep Plays, Biker Peeps, two video games - Peep Invaders and Peepsteroids, and the ambitious and sweeping epic, Lord of the Peeps.

It's not all skittles and beer, though. There is a dark side the world of Peeps. People are encouraging our children to Clone Peeps. There are even warning signs of the end times! Read, if dare, Marshmallow Peeps: the Harbingers of Doom for the Human Race?

There are the unknown horrors of Peep Research, including library usage Peep Research. (Yikes! They are teaching our children to read!) Some organizations are taking the matter to task though. There are those that dare to say, Ban Peeps Research!. Something must be done about atrocities such as the Bunnies Survival Tests, and Bunny Survival Tests Chapter II. People are even making movies about Nuking Peeps!

All of the above said, we have hardly even scratched the surface! Confections are being forced to pose for the indignities of Peep porn! Be warned...these links are not for the faint of heart! Young chicks are forced into every position imaginable at the ultra-trashy Tracy & Mia's Peep-O-Rama, the lascivious Dave April's - Digital Art & Photo Gallery Peep Photos, the amateur Peep Gallery! [ 2 ] Supple young marshmallow treats are paraded around like so much meat at the Peeps Show photo contest. There are many a broken heart and squished Peep's hopes abandoned at the Big List of Peeps Links.

What is to be done with the leftover marshmallow peeps piled in boxes in the closeout sections of grocery and drug stores? That's easy...sacrifice them to Cthulhu!

Catholic: It's the new Protestant!
So much better than I thought it was gonna be! It's the New York Dolls video, Dance Like a Monkey "Cmon shake your little monkey hips, my pretty little creationist!" Via Hellbound Alleee.

Double Zoinks! Here is another great video: "Creation Science 101" by Roy Zimmerman. (Complete with ape noises!) This is a great song! Via my friend George, who never reads my blog because he is a total piss-ant.

The Bible Summarized by a Smartass has sprinted past the The 12 Minor Prophets, and promises to enter first leg of the New Testament with the Gospel According to Matthew! Time to mark your calendar for the main event.

I thought for sure that this had to be a joke, but no - it's on the level. It's the AMAZING! "Threat Alert" Jesus! The website is merely a graphic of the packaging, and nothing more. The text is extra-creepy funny, in a homespun but passionately credulous sort of way. "This incredible invention receives signals directly from the Dept. of Homeland Security anywhere within the continental U.S. and changes color the moment the national threat level is updated." According to the package, you will be protected through the "miracle" of technology! I am sure that it is updated via airport radio just like the new clocks are, but still..."Threat Alert" Jesus! Yipes!

A whole website devoted to Chocolatey Christian Goodness. Sorry, after filling the most recent Mark Foley order, they are all out of the Large Communion Boy Lollipops.

This is a teachers aid, the Visual Kit for The Blood of Jesus. You know, for the kids! Among the things that you get for $124 smackers are a Crown of Thorns, One Crucifixion Nail, Cat of Nine Tails Whip, Life-size Latex Heart Model, Cardboard Ark of the Covenant, and Instructions to Make High Priest Costume. My favorite is the "Chef's cap for High Priest's Crown." That would never look silly, right? via grow-a-brain

Because everyone knows that Jesus is all about winning at the slot machines and crap tables, for only 9.95 you can get your own Faith Chips.

Go and watch Jesus Swimming. Yeah, I know. That's all he does. OK, after doing that, guess what the Jesus saves bank does. Wasn't that fun?

I love this! Archie's Parables, (pdf) a Christian comic book. Riverdale High? Only Christians need apply! Go to page 18-19 for the official dating survey. Among questions like "Does Archie need a new car?" And "Should Archie forget about Veronica?" they sneak in about 20 god related questions, like "Do you believe that god know how we really feel inside?" There is some great stuff! At one point the only way that Jughead can only fall in love with a girl is by imagining that she is a hot dog (!), and Dilton would rather read a book than date a girl (!!). Is this really the message that we want to send our kids? Veronica = Bad, Betty = Good, of course. At one point everybody talks about who they would like to date, and Betty says that she wants to date god. Jeepers! Talk about stiff competition!

If only I could travel to a world where women and dinosaurs coexist. With the science of creationism, you dreams have come true! Check out CSICOP, the Observer, and New York Times. From No Smoking in the Skull Cave's messages.

This is what happened to Neocon Jesus! Perhpas the greatest Easter image yet, The Passion of the Peeps. Via Cap'n Dyke, Pirate Queen.

It looks like this link has changed since I last looked at it. It used to be about how to How to Stop an Alien Abduction, now it is just about Jesus and Aliens. Yay! Half Jeusus, Half X-Files. They also cover exorcism!

Not quite Father Guido Sarducji's "find the Pope in the Pizza," nor is it "where's Waldo." But the old internet standard, "Where is Jesus?" is always good way to spend a few frustrating moments.

Santa Claus and Satan's Cause walks hand-in-hand with Santa Claus: The Great Imposter.

Dieting the Jesus way! Sweatin' to the Old Testament offers info on the Christian diet. Some of the titles of these diets include: "Slim for Him," "Help Lord - The Devil Wants Me Fat!" "More of Jesus, Less of Me" "Body by God" and of course "What Would Jesus Eat?"

Test Tube Jesus was not the first Jesus to get frisky with a dinosaur, as you can see from this artwork of sex w/dinosaurs, it's far more graphic than we thought.

Could Spidey have joined the dark side? Can he really be aligned with the forces of "intelligent design"? Via Orac Knows.

To keep things in perspective, sing along kareoke-style with Eric Idle to The Galaxy Song from Monty Python's 1983 film The Meaning of Life.

Damn the Man Department
Samurai Frog has posted a brilliant send-up of the Commander in Thief, "From Bushspeak to Plain English, This Guy's a Dick." "America, you know. Wow, America. Hey America, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind!"

These are great! I am surprised I had not heard of them before. The New Dubya-Doo Movies [ 2 ] are both really great works of animation, and capture the look and feel of the old Scooby Doo cartoons really well. Funny stuff!

I think that we owe it to all politician to listen to their message, even if we don't agree with them. In this case, Arnold Schwarzenegger shares his deepest feelings, and articulates his important plans for the future.

Al Gore explains Internet Porn. OK, it's right-wing, but it's still funny!

Samurai Frog made an interesting point about our edu-ma-cation system with the post "Makes Our State of Education Look Even Sadder."

Karl Rove Raps is already boring, but how come nobody is talking about how he said that he liked to tear the heads off of small animals? No, I'm not making a joke, that's what he said!

If George Orwell is not spinning in his grave, it is because he is camera shy. "On the wall outside his former residence - flat number 27B - where Orwell lived until his death in 1950, an historical plaque commemorates the anti-authoritarian author. And within 200 yards of the flat, there are 32 CCTV cameras, scanning every move. Orwell's view of the tree-filled gardens outside the flat is under 24-hour surveillance from two cameras perched on traffic lights. The flat's rear windows are constantly viewed from two more security cameras outside a conference centre in Canonbury Place. In a lane, just off the square, close to Orwell's favourite pub, the Compton Arms, a camera at the rear of a car dealership records every person entering or leaving the pub. Within a 200-yard radius of the flat, there are another 28 CCTV cameras, together with hundreds of private, remote-controlled security cameras used to scrutinise visitors to homes, shops and offices." boingboing via

I used to tangle with this guy on newsgroups about the Starbaby Fiasco. He wrote an interesting paragraph that I thought was worth mentioning, Jim Lippard on Ron Paul (R-TX)

This is a great compilation of FOX News screenshots, titled FOX NEWS, Crazy Right Wing Propaganda. In hindsight, it is really funny to look at these.

How come nobody ever talks about this? Does anybody even remember that the president gave away the plans to the atomic bomb to anybody that had internet access and was looking at the White House website? You know, like any country on the planet with an intelligence agency? "Last March, the federal government set up a Web site to make public a vast archive of Iraqi documents captured during the war." ... "But in recent weeks, the site has posted some documents that weapons experts say present a danger themselves: detailed accounts of Iraq's secret nuclear research before the 1991 Persian Gulf War. The documents, the experts say, constitute a basic guide to building an atom bomb." New York Times

As I already mentioned, Kelly the Little Black Dog has created a new blog, The bizarre things people believe. Her first post is titled, What is a neo-con?

WTF? Check this page out! I think this means that Speaker Nancy Pelosi is responsible for all of Republican scandals of the last 5 years! Then again, maybe I'm reading in wrong...Maybe it just means that she is a Sagittarius or something. Put this is the "interesting charts that have no meaning whatsoever" section, right next to the sock drawer.

Blue Gal is Facing the fear and blogging it anyway about the story of some censorship on a major blog, Daily Kos, that is caving in to the will of the Wingnuts (it sounds like.) No Freedom of Expression at Daily Kos describes the details. For me at least, it is all about the Little Green Football Panties, though. I hate Little Green Footballs.

Here is a post, "Daily KOS silences international activist Ben Heine for 'anti-Semitism'" about some censorship on a major blog, caving in to the will of the Wingnuts it sounds like. No Freedom of Expression at Daily Kos, via Blue Gal.

Tops in the "Are you smarter than a fifth grader dept.," go check out the coolest candidate yet! Her website is at Elect Susie Flynn for President. But is the country ready for a woman teenage pre-teen girl president? Via the Omnipotent Poobah.

Easter Bunny and Peeps

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At Sun Apr 15, 06:19:00 PM, Blogger Eli said...

The original Bedazzled was great! In fact I think you were the one who gave me a copy of it way back when.

At Sun Apr 15, 10:37:00 PM, Blogger Becca said...

These posts are great! they give me hours of fun!

Thanks for the links!

At Wed Apr 18, 11:34:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Eli: Hi Eli! Yes, I am pretty sure that I was the one that forced you to watch this film.

Becca: Thanks, Becca! I hope that you don't mind that I posted that I openly covet your toy collection.


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