Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Palin Vs. Gregarious: You Decide!

 

Ever since I picked up the newspaper on November 5th and received the heartbreaking news that I had lost the presidential election, I have begun to realize that I shall have to work all the harder to overcome man's inherent bias towards his superiors. This small snag has presented something of a quandary for my campaign.

That point aside, recent newscasts indicate that the next GOP presidential candidate is sure to be Sarah Palin, and that after she sold John McCain's campaign bus on eBay, she became the de facto leader of the Republican party. As it would seem that I shall be running against Sarah Palin in 2012, I thus present the following political comparison of Palin and my own running mate, Germaine Gregarious, so that American voters can decide for themselves.

Sarah Palin claims that she can see Russia and the Former Soviet Republics from her backyard...
Germaine Gregarious has acquired nine of the twelve Soviet nuclear launch codes, and is working on the other three.


Sarah Palin calls herself a "maverick", evoking something of a bovine image for herself...
"She-Va" is among the many nicknames that Germaine Gregarious has aquired, which means "the Destroyer of Worlds"...


Sarah Palin wears lipstick....
Germaine Gregarious wears automatic weapons.


Sarah Palin wears pancake makeup...
Germaine Gregarious wears plastic explosives.


Sarah Palin is afraid of the media...
Germaine Gregarious likes to have the mainstream media over for lunch on a regular basis.


Sarah Palin hunts defenseless animals for fun.
Germaine Gregarious hunts defenseless corporate lobbyists for fun.


Sarah Palin uses her claimed devotion to God to inspire her followers...
Germaine Gregarious inspires an immediate fear of the hereafter in others.


Sarah Palin clings to the past...


Germaine Gregarious represents the future!


 

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20 Comments:

At Wed Nov 19, 07:20:00 AM, Blogger FranIAm said...

This human has no ability to speak.

You leave me speechless... and in the very best sort of way.

I bow to your greatness and to the greatness of Germaine.

 
At Wed Nov 19, 07:22:00 AM, Blogger Germaine Gregarious said...

Game On, My Darling!

I would like to add that I have an Ecuadoran manservant, while Ms Palin has only that goateed snowmachine racer! And she might kiss babies, but I only kiss the babes.

Oh dear, you've done such a ginchy job. I look forward to the next four years on the campaign trail. This time, though, you are not allowed to drive the bus. The legal ramifications of a license-free orangutan driving a large motorcoach tied us up for weeks last go-round.

 
At Wed Nov 19, 07:40:00 AM, Blogger Darwin's Dagger said...

In a couple of those pictures Germaine looked like that cylon chick from Battlestar Galactica, so she has my vote. Darwin's Dagger for Secretary of State! Or Secretary of Education (so I can finally cut all creationism out of America's schools).

 
At Wed Nov 19, 07:59:00 AM, Blogger Omnipotent Poobah said...

I'm voting early and voting often!

 
At Wed Nov 19, 09:11:00 AM, Blogger DCup said...

Gregarious. Hands down.

 
At Wed Nov 19, 09:30:00 AM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

Since the Dummycrats and Goopers have way more money than us, I humbly suggest we pool our collective resources, send them both to the winter wonderland of Baffin Island, then decide 2012 with a paper football contest, tiddlywinks or Chutes and Ladders.

 
At Wed Nov 19, 10:15:00 AM, Blogger Jess Wundrun said...

Black man elected president: check
Now that that's out of the way we really do need to get lesbians, atheists, and non-humans in the office.

Stellar.

But please! No tv ads for a while. That screaming Oxyclean guy practically went broke during this election cycle.

 
At Wed Nov 19, 10:27:00 AM, Blogger dguzman said...

Oh sweet mercy, GREGARIOUS all the way!

Signed,
Hot and Bothered.

 
At Wed Nov 19, 11:20:00 AM, Blogger Bubs said...

I am aroused and a little frightened...the perfect combination, in my opinion.

Now get going!

 
At Wed Nov 19, 12:40:00 PM, Blogger Dean Wormer said...

What political party are you running for again?

 
At Wed Nov 19, 02:35:00 PM, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

There's such thing as maverick cows? Who woulda thunk it.

 
At Wed Nov 19, 02:37:00 PM, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

And Dean, Zaius/Gregarius are in the Suprise Party, right?

 
At Wed Nov 19, 02:56:00 PM, Blogger Executive Sous Chef R. Alan said...

Thank God the campaign has started again! I was getting hives and grinding my teeth from withdrawls.

 
At Wed Nov 19, 03:02:00 PM, OpenID theardentthread said...

Bespecked brunette in permafrost or hot blonde in black leather?

Oh, please. Like there is really a choice here?

 
At Wed Nov 19, 06:08:00 PM, Blogger Utah Savage said...

Ziaus/Gregarious forever! I thought I was really hot till I met Germaine. I'm on my knees as I type this. I hate to break this to you, Dr. Z, but without her, you'd just be an ape in a nice suite.

 
At Thu Nov 20, 03:14:00 PM, Blogger BAC said...

Without question Gregarious is superior to Sarah. Given that Palin would be at the top of her ticket, maybe the team should be GREGARIOUS/ZAIUS 2012 ... just sayin' ...


BAC

 
At Thu Nov 20, 08:55:00 PM, Blogger Kevin said...

Dr. Z -

Count me in, you've convinced me!

Regards,

Tengrain

 
At Fri Nov 21, 09:41:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

FranIAm: You are very kind, FranIAm. :o)

Germaine Gregarious: Yay! I knew that you were on board. I think that perhaps you are right about the driving, though, especially after that Kentucky Fried Chicken incident. I still don't understand what the problem was... The sign said "Drive Thru"!

Darwin's Dagger: Getting creationism out of America's schools! A worthy cause. You are hereby Or Secretary of Edumacation.

Omnipotent Poobah: Yay! Thanks, Omnipotent Poobah!

DCup: Hee hee! Thanks, DCup.

Randal Graves: Hmm... Chutes and Ladders, I say!

Jess Wundrun: I know what you mean. I am starting to miss the "ShamWow!" guy. Thanks, Jess!

Dguzman: Oh, dear - you are hot and bothered? I hope that you aren't getting a fever! Thanks, Dguzman!

Bubs: Yay! Thanks, Bub!

Dean Wormer: The Happy Underpants, Rainbows and Puppies, Moonbeams and Kittens Party - of Course! ;o)

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator: Ah, before James Garner and Senator McCain, the word "maverick" had a different meaning.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator: That's right! Good choice of words, sir.

Executive Sous Chef R. Alan: So glad that my 2012 election plans meet with your approval! :o)

The Ardent Thread: You are a wise sage, Ardent Thread. :o)

Bespecked brunette in permafrost or hot blonde in black leather?

Utah Savage: Bah! Your words are very unkind! That's just mean, Ms. Savage. I am glad that you have assumed the proper position for mankind towards your future rulers, however. ;o)

BAC: Ack! Et tu, BAC? Oh, the pain, the pain...

Kevin: Yay! So glad that we can count on your vote, Tengrain. :o)

 
At Tue Nov 25, 07:52:00 AM, Blogger JustJoeP said...

I'm seriously considering forming a PAC to help promote your campaign in the Red western states! Swift Boat gorgeous leather clad agents for truth.

 
At Thu Nov 27, 09:54:00 PM, Blogger Sandy Underpants said...

cha cha marvelous post cha

 

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