Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
Doctor: "I've got very bad news. You've got cancer and Alzheimer's."
Patient: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
He's fully recovered.