Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Get Your Filthy Rhetoric Off of Me, You Damn Dirty Human!


I am deeply offended that Glenn Beck has seen fit to attempt to deride the inevitable course of humanity's destiny to promote his own pathetic political agenda. As we all know, mankind shall not be truly content until they learn to embrace the gentle yoke of simian kindness. This is merely another ridiculous example of a foul human speaking out against his genetic superiors.

Glenn Beck: "Special interest! What planet have I landed on? Did I slip through a wormhole in the middle of the night and this looks like America? It’s like the damn 'Planet of the Apes.' Nothing makes sense! The guy who's helped destroy all these pensions, Andy Stern, is now on the financial oversight committee. Is this who we want to take advice from?

"The unions who have collapsed all of the businesses, who have collapsed all of their pensions, they are bankrupting everything they touch, and we go to them and we say, yes, tell me, what should we do? It’s like any marital tips from Tiger Woods."

Glen Beck's point was that he felt like the character Taylor from The Planet of the Apes, waking up in a world that is so very different from what he had hoped or expected.

Despite the rhetoric to the contrary, I actually think that it can be argued that this foolish statement was not an overtly racist comment from a human standpoint - and that this litany of hogwash was carefully crafted merely to incite ire from the more rational members of your society while protecting Beck from any negative consequences by nature of the broad ambiguity of their meaning.

On the other hand, from a simian perspective these words can indeed be considered insulting and reprehensible. Clearly Glenn Beck and his kind will benefit in the future from the wise tutelage of an ape civilization. "It's like the damn Planet of the Apes!"
Emptysuit: Glenn Beck: Planet Of The Apes Remarks
Huffington Post: Glenn Beck Compares Obama's America To 'Planet Of The Apes' Glenn Beck + The Planet of the Apes = Blatant Racism Glenn Beck's Top 10 Questionably Racist Moments

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At Thu Aug 19, 03:16:00 PM, Blogger Kelly the little black dog said...

Experimental brain surgery is too good for him!

At Thu Aug 19, 07:16:00 PM, Blogger Tengrain said...

I'd be a little nervous of Kira, personally.



At Fri Aug 20, 03:51:00 AM, Blogger Noaf said...

And Beck's Nova will be... Orly Taitz!

At Fri Aug 20, 09:38:00 AM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

You better not lobotomize Beck, he's free entertainment!

At Fri Aug 20, 01:20:00 PM, Blogger JustJoeP said...

"simian kindness" - LMAO!

At Sun Aug 22, 02:42:00 PM, Blogger Distributorcap said...

i wish he was one of the MUTE humans

At Tue Aug 24, 07:21:00 AM, Blogger Rehctaw said...

I know exactly how Blen Geck is feeling. I was teleported into opposite world 42 years ago and have felt hounded and hunted ever since.

Most days I have to wonder if being lobotomized would be such a terrible thing. Blen's FOUR procedures certainly seem to have improved his standard of living.

Such is the life of a Faux Noise lapdog. Pampered, fed and treated like royalty. Thought irresistibly cute while yapping incessantly...

The Murdoch menagerie has nothing on Wells' Dr. Moreau.

At Wed Sep 01, 01:42:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Kelly the little black dog: Agree, but you have to start somewhere! ;o)

Tengrain: But Zira is an experienced veterinarian! ;o)

Noaf: Ack! You made me think of Orly Taitz dressed in a loincloth being showered by a fire hose. **shudder**

Randal Graves: Too late! It appears that someone has beaten me to it. ;o)

JustJoeP: Someday you shall all learn to embrace the gentle yoke of simian kindness. ;o)

Distributorcap: Indeed! The muter the better. ;o)

Rehctaw: such a rough life, being a Faux Noise lapdog. All of the women are bleached blondes, and all of the men have bleached brains! Dr. Moreau is a good friend and respected colleague of mine. I am quite intrigued by his work... ;o)


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