Due To a Recent Turn of Events, I Have Decided to Join the Suffragette Movement!
No time for blogging today! I'm finally back at work, working half days for the time being. It still hurts when I stand up or walk for more than a few minutes though, and I still have problems if I sit upright for more than a few hours. I start getting these pains in my left Oreo Double Stuff Mint Chocolate Cookie and other related unmentionable regions.
But that's not all! a couple of weeks ago I contracted a horrible rash that goes from my left thigh to my right thigh and covers everything in between, which the doctor diagnosed as a yeast infection caused by the veritable Smorgasbord of antibiotics I have been taking. (For this condition the doctor has prescribed a little pink pill to go with my vast, newly acquired collection of pharmaceutical products. Also, the nurse has recommended that I apply liberal doses of Monistat 7 twice daily.)
Using my vast medical acumen to diagnose my own recent condition, I have determined that I am turning into a woman! Ack! Just look at the facts of the case:
But that's not all! a couple of weeks ago I contracted a horrible rash that goes from my left thigh to my right thigh and covers everything in between, which the doctor diagnosed as a yeast infection caused by the veritable Smorgasbord of antibiotics I have been taking. (For this condition the doctor has prescribed a little pink pill to go with my vast, newly acquired collection of pharmaceutical products. Also, the nurse has recommended that I apply liberal doses of Monistat 7 twice daily.)
Using my vast medical acumen to diagnose my own recent condition, I have determined that I am turning into a woman! Ack! Just look at the facts of the case:
- Due to the open wound left by my recent surgery, every day I find blood in my underpants.
- I have a yeast infection in my rough and tumblies. For this infection I have been applying Monistat 7 at the direction of the nurse. (I got some funny looks at the drugstore where I bought it, I must say.)
- Because I have been taking so many different kind of antibiotics that are destroying all of my intestinal flora and fauna that I use to digest food, my doctor says that I have to eat yogurt three times a day. (Yogurt! **Shudder**)
- I am taking little pink pills for my rash.
- they have put a bathroom scale in the bathroom at work, so I am now constantly obsessing about my weight every time I see it. (I have actually lost 20 pounds! I am sure that I will find it around here somewhere, I fear...)
6 Comments:
This whole gig is merely a ploy to assemble your very own harem of swanky chicks.
You're fooling no one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYRcCa-ddOo
I'm with Randall. Also, Monistat 7 ain't nothin'. Think about what would happen if you had to use, gasp, K-Lo Jelly!
Now it all make sense ... why I have such a crush on you!!
Feel better soon!
xoxo
BAC
Love the Chuck Woolery quote!
I'm sorry to hear that you are still suffering so. :(
But, congrats on the weight loss-even though I know you've lost it the hard way.
Feel better soon! :)
((Hugs))
Laura
Randal Graves: Indeed! I am sure that the swanky chicks shall be arriving any day now, bearing cake and ice cream! ;o)
Kate R: Awesome! I feel more feminine already! ;o)
Fran / Blue Gal: Ha! Awesome! Thanks, Blue Gal! :o)
BAC: Thanks, BAC! As Inga from Young Frankenstein would say, "The feeling is moootchul!" ;o)
Laura: Thanks, Laura! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Post a Comment
<< Home