Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, October 06, 2011

Due To a Recent Turn of Events, I Have Decided to Join the Suffragette Movement!

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No time for blogging today! I'm finally back at work, working half days for the time being. It still hurts when I stand up or walk for more than a few minutes though, and I still have problems if I sit upright for more than a few hours. I start getting these pains in my left Oreo Double Stuff Mint Chocolate Cookie and other related unmentionable regions.

But that's not all! a couple of weeks ago I contracted a horrible rash that goes from my left thigh to my right thigh and covers everything in between, which the doctor diagnosed as a yeast infection caused by the veritable Smorgasbord of antibiotics I have been taking. (For this condition the doctor has prescribed a little pink pill to go with my vast, newly acquired collection of pharmaceutical products. Also, the nurse has recommended that I apply liberal doses of Monistat 7 twice daily.)

Using my vast medical acumen to diagnose my own recent condition, I have determined that I am turning into a woman! Ack! Just look at the facts of the case:

  • Due to the open wound left by my recent surgery, every day I find blood in my underpants.

  • I have a yeast infection in my rough and tumblies. For this infection I have been applying Monistat 7 at the direction of the nurse. (I got some funny looks at the drugstore where I bought it, I must say.)

  • Because I have been taking so many different kind of antibiotics that are destroying all of my intestinal flora and fauna that I use to digest food, my doctor says that I have to eat yogurt three times a day. (Yogurt! **Shudder**)

  • I am taking little pink pills for my rash.

  • they have put a bathroom scale in the bathroom at work, so I am now constantly obsessing about my weight every time I see it. (I have actually lost 20 pounds! I am sure that I will find it around here somewhere, I fear...)

I have resolved myself to embrace this recent turn of events. Being a lady is an attitude! I am woman! I am invincible! I am getting rather tired of these ongoing medical issues, however...

Monistat 7


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At Fri Oct 07, 08:19:00 AM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

This whole gig is merely a ploy to assemble your very own harem of swanky chicks.

You're fooling no one!

At Fri Oct 07, 09:15:00 PM, Blogger Kate R said...

At Sat Oct 08, 07:56:00 PM, Blogger Fran / Blue Gal said...

I'm with Randall. Also, Monistat 7 ain't nothin'. Think about what would happen if you had to use, gasp, K-Lo Jelly!

At Sun Oct 09, 12:33:00 AM, Blogger BAC said...

Now it all make sense ... why I have such a crush on you!!

Feel better soon!


At Mon Oct 10, 12:11:00 PM, Blogger Laura said...

Love the Chuck Woolery quote!

I'm sorry to hear that you are still suffering so. :(
But, congrats on the weight loss-even though I know you've lost it the hard way.

Feel better soon! :)


At Sun Oct 16, 12:44:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Randal Graves: Indeed! I am sure that the swanky chicks shall be arriving any day now, bearing cake and ice cream! ;o)

Kate R: Awesome! I feel more feminine already! ;o)

Fran / Blue Gal: Ha! Awesome! Thanks, Blue Gal! :o)

BAC: Thanks, BAC! As Inga from Young Frankenstein would say, "The feeling is moootchul!" ;o)

Laura: Thanks, Laura! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

At Tue Sep 01, 03:21:00 AM, Blogger Abdi Sukur said...

Jika Anda telah terinfeksi penyakit ini, maka anda akan memiliki banyak pilihan untuk menyingkirkan mereka. Yang terpenting anda tidak perlu malu jika sedang mengidap penyakit ini, karena hal itu justru akan membuat anda lambat menyembuhkanya.
Obat Kutil Kelamin,
Obat Kutil Kelamin Wanita,
Tanda-Tanda Kutil Kelamin Condyloma Acuminata Di Bibir Memek,
Cara Menghilangkan Kutil Di Kemaluan
Obat Menghilangkan Kutil Di Bibir Vagina

At Tue Sep 01, 01:26:00 PM, Blogger Yusrisal Herbal said...

Disini kami menjual Obat wasir Ambeclear Ampuh dan Obat Kencing Nanah dijamin dalam waktu 3 hari penyakit anda sudah sembuh dan obat kami sudah terdaftar di BPOM
Obat Wasir
Obat Ambeien
Obat Wasir Ambeien Berdarah
Obat Kencing Nanah
Obat Kencing Nanah Di Apotik
Obat Kencing Nanah Pria
Obat Kencing Nanah Wanita

At Sun Jan 10, 07:22:00 PM, Blogger Obat Kutil said...

Seberat apapun beban masalah yang kamu hadapi saat ini, percayalah bahwa semua itu tidak pernah melebihi batas kemampuan kamu.


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