Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, October 06, 2011

Due To a Recent Turn of Events, I Have Decided to Join the Suffragette Movement!

 
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No time for blogging today! I'm finally back at work, working half days for the time being. It still hurts when I stand up or walk for more than a few minutes though, and I still have problems if I sit upright for more than a few hours. I start getting these pains in my left Oreo Double Stuff Mint Chocolate Cookie and other related unmentionable regions.

But that's not all! a couple of weeks ago I contracted a horrible rash that goes from my left thigh to my right thigh and covers everything in between, which the doctor diagnosed as a yeast infection caused by the veritable Smorgasbord of antibiotics I have been taking. (For this condition the doctor has prescribed a little pink pill to go with my vast, newly acquired collection of pharmaceutical products. Also, the nurse has recommended that I apply liberal doses of Monistat 7 twice daily.)

Using my vast medical acumen to diagnose my own recent condition, I have determined that I am turning into a woman! Ack! Just look at the facts of the case:

  • Due to the open wound left by my recent surgery, every day I find blood in my underpants.

  • I have a yeast infection in my rough and tumblies. For this infection I have been applying Monistat 7 at the direction of the nurse. (I got some funny looks at the drugstore where I bought it, I must say.)

  • Because I have been taking so many different kind of antibiotics that are destroying all of my intestinal flora and fauna that I use to digest food, my doctor says that I have to eat yogurt three times a day. (Yogurt! **Shudder**)

  • I am taking little pink pills for my rash.

  • they have put a bathroom scale in the bathroom at work, so I am now constantly obsessing about my weight every time I see it. (I have actually lost 20 pounds! I am sure that I will find it around here somewhere, I fear...)

I have resolved myself to embrace this recent turn of events. Being a lady is an attitude! I am woman! I am invincible! I am getting rather tired of these ongoing medical issues, however...

Monistat 7

 

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6 Comments:

At Fri Oct 07, 08:19:00 AM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

This whole gig is merely a ploy to assemble your very own harem of swanky chicks.

You're fooling no one!

 
At Fri Oct 07, 09:15:00 PM, Blogger Kate said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYRcCa-ddOo

 
At Sat Oct 08, 07:56:00 PM, Blogger Fran / Blue Gal said...

I'm with Randall. Also, Monistat 7 ain't nothin'. Think about what would happen if you had to use, gasp, K-Lo Jelly!

 
At Sun Oct 09, 12:33:00 AM, Blogger BAC said...

Now it all make sense ... why I have such a crush on you!!

Feel better soon!
xoxo

BAC

 
At Mon Oct 10, 12:11:00 PM, Blogger Laura said...

Love the Chuck Woolery quote!

I'm sorry to hear that you are still suffering so. :(
But, congrats on the weight loss-even though I know you've lost it the hard way.

Feel better soon! :)

((Hugs))
Laura

 
At Sun Oct 16, 12:44:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Randal Graves: Indeed! I am sure that the swanky chicks shall be arriving any day now, bearing cake and ice cream! ;o)

Kate R: Awesome! I feel more feminine already! ;o)

Fran / Blue Gal: Ha! Awesome! Thanks, Blue Gal! :o)

BAC: Thanks, BAC! As Inga from Young Frankenstein would say, "The feeling is moootchul!" ;o)

Laura: Thanks, Laura! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

 

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