Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Dr. Zaius has Become the Target of Virulent Political Snipes

Dr. Monkerstein hates puppies!
I am under attack from the Monkerstein political campaign!

Dr. ZaiusIt is with utter dismay and disgust that I post the following account of the contemptuous behavior of the Dr. Monker Von Monkerstein presidential campaign. They have been running a vicious and scurrilous hate crusade against this kindly old orangutan! Their message of hate has grown to a fever pitch.

I am shocked and appalled at their overt attempts to discredit the good name of Dr. Zaius. Most recently, the Monkerstein campaign has been trying to paint me as a Hollywood elitist! (I am actually a San Francisco liberal, just like the fair Nancy Peplosi.) In a foul attempt to paint an unkind and decidedly false picture of me, the Monkerstein campaign has been trying to claim that the completely innocent relationship that I have with Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton is something other than platonic. This is preposterous!

I ask you, do these two round-heeled trollops newsworthy celebrities seem like the kind of girls that would date outside their species? Hmm... Let me rephrase that. To say that we are anything but just good friends and working colleagues on the most professional of levels is just yet another example the moral bankruptcy of the corrupt Monkerstein Power Pagoda.

His colleague and campaign manager the Fearsome Frog has already stated quite clearly that the Monkerstein campaign will "brook no discussion with those who disagree with the Monkerstein!" Such an open disregard for the open dialogue of the Democratic process is beneath contempt.

It is fortuitous that the Monkertein campaign's neoconservative Power Pagoda Playbook has been exposed so early in the election process, so that the voters can learn early of his nefarious plan to rule the country with an iron paw. after so many years under the thumb of the evil Dick Cheney, this country can ill afford to have another foul dictator ruin this fine land with his despotic ways.

There have already been several reported cases of voter intimidation as well. This is America! We can't allow this sort of thuggery and hooliganism to take place! The Monkerstein campaign has also shown a total disregard for Catholic voters. This open contempt for a large percentage of the American voters can not bode well in their campaign's attempts to secure the will of the American people.

Somehow the Monkerstein campaign is comfortable stating with confidence that "the people have spoken with one voice and they have tapped me as the simian to run things," and yet the elections is not until November 4, 2008, well over a year away from now. Why is he so confident in making this prediction? The connection is obvious, the writing is on the wall, and something must be done! The Democratic Party and I only ask that you look at the evidence, and decide for yourself.

As a undeclared movie-star non-candidate, like Fred Thompson, Matt Daemon and the lovely and intelligent Angelina Jolie, I can only raise my voice in protest to this open disregard for the welfare and good faith of the people United States. Thank you, and good night.

Menkerstein Steals Candy from Babies!
Monkerstein hates puppies!

AddThis Social Bookmark Button


At Sat Jun 30, 09:55:00 AM, Anonymous Infidel753 said...

Monkerstein certainly moves fast. It took Bush over six years to alienate his own base this badly.

You've got to get tough. Tell him that if he continues to attack you, you'll refuse to accept the Minister of Science post in his cabinet.

If that doesn't work, you'll have to hit him where it really hurts: start dating Jane Goodall.

At Sat Jun 30, 10:29:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

How low can your ravings go sir? HOW LOW?

At Sat Jun 30, 10:33:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

I hardly think that your response in any way answers the many issues raised in this post, Dr. Monkerstein. Surely the American people deserve to know the truth of your nefarious schemes!

At Sat Jun 30, 04:41:00 PM, Blogger angry ballerina said...

i think you two need to have a drink. or five.

At Sun Jul 01, 12:28:00 AM, Blogger DCup said...

Fight! Fight! Fight!

At Sun Jul 01, 04:29:00 AM, Anonymous Infidel753 said...

Primate primary precipitates protracted prurient prattle! Factions fear fatuous feces-flinging fiasco! GOP (Gorillas & Orangutans Party) threatens to withdraw support! Baboons walk out in disgust! Unity threatened!

If only real politics were this digbnified.....

At Sun Jul 01, 10:41:00 AM, Blogger SamuraiFrog said...

There has been no hate campaign, sir! Far from it. There has simply been an exposure of some of your recent activities, which you are invited to refute. And you can't hold me responsible for the opinions of a single chimpanzee who was allowed to state his opinion in my forum, as all are open to do!

The charge of Dr. Monkey as a despot is beneath an ape of your intelligence, sir. Dr. Monkey intends to make this country open and available to all.

At Sun Jul 01, 11:31:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Infidel753 Start dating Jane Goodall, hmm?

Angry Ballerina: Yes, good Idea. I shall have the lye with a twist of lemon, please.

DCup: I thought that you were supposed to be the sane one.

Infidel753: That is the first sane thing I have heard allw eek. Thank you, Infidel753. Actually very clever dialog. Maybe you could work on my campaign, if I was running that is. I am still unofficial, of course. ;o)

SamuraiFrog: "a single chimpanzee who was allowed to state his opinion in my forum?" It is clearly a campaign poster, you dolt! You published it! It is not a casual remark made by a disinterested party! This is the message that YOU are delivering to America! Face up to what you have said, don't hide behind your Power Pagoda FOX News persona!

Open and available to all? Through intolorance, Voter intimidation and religious persecution? These are your own words, Evil Frog. Face your own words, you scallywag!

At Sun Jul 01, 09:53:00 PM, Anonymous Tengrain said...

I'm pals with both you and the other Dr, Dr. Z, and so I cannot take sides. But let me say this...

oooo- ooo- ee - eeeeeeee - Ack! Ack! Ack!

(You forget that I am fluent in many languages!)



At Mon Jul 02, 09:59:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

I completely respect your impartiality, Tengrain. ;o)

At Tue Jul 03, 10:50:00 AM, Anonymous commander other said...

i say we should all vote for Dr. Monkey Von Zaius! two monkeys who don't get along can't lead the country any worse than penis-less chimp who's currently in office!


Post a Comment

<< Home

Newer Posts  |  Older Posts