Dr. Zaius has Become the Target of Virulent Political Snipes

I am under attack from the Monkerstein political campaign!

It is with utter dismay and disgust that I post the following account of the contemptuous behavior of the Dr. Monker Von Monkerstein presidential campaign. They have been running a vicious and scurrilous hate crusade against this kindly old orangutan! Their message of hate has grown to a fever pitch.

I am shocked and appalled at their overt attempts to discredit the good name of Dr. Zaius. Most recently, the Monkerstein campaign has been trying to paint me as a Hollywood elitist! (I am actually a San Francisco liberal, just like the fair Nancy Peplosi.) In a foul attempt to paint an unkind and decidedly false picture of me, the Monkerstein campaign has been trying to claim that the completely innocent relationship that I have with Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton is something other than platonic. This is preposterous!

I ask you, do these two round-heeled trollops newsworthy celebrities seem like the kind of girls that would date outside their species? Hmm... Let me rephrase that. To say that we are anything but just good friends and working colleagues on the most professional of levels is just yet another example the moral bankruptcy of the corrupt Monkerstein Power Pagoda.

His colleague and campaign manager the Fearsome Frog has already stated quite clearly that the Monkerstein campaign will "brook no discussion with those who disagree with the Monkerstein!" Such an open disregard for the open dialogue of the Democratic process is beneath contempt.

It is fortuitous that the Monkertein campaign's neoconservative Power Pagoda Playbook has been exposed so early in the election process, so that the voters can learn early of his nefarious plan to rule the country with an iron paw. after so many years under the thumb of the evil Dick Cheney, this country can ill afford to have another foul dictator ruin this fine land with his despotic ways.

There have already been several reported cases of voter intimidation as well. This is America! We can't allow this sort of thuggery and hooliganism to take place! The Monkerstein campaign has also shown a total disregard for Catholic voters. This open contempt for a large percentage of the American voters can not bode well in their campaign's attempts to secure the will of the American people.

Somehow the Monkerstein campaign is comfortable stating with confidence that "the people have spoken with one voice and they have tapped me as the simian to run things," and yet the elections is not until November 4, 2008, well over a year away from now. Why is he so confident in making this prediction? The connection is obvious, the writing is on the wall, and something must be done! The Democratic Party and I only ask that you look at the evidence, and decide for yourself.

As a undeclared movie-star non-candidate, like Fred Thompson, Matt Daemon and the lovely and intelligent Angelina Jolie, I can only raise my voice in protest to this open disregard for the welfare and good faith of the people United States. Thank you, and good night.

Monkerstein hates puppies!