Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Saturday, January 19, 2008

A Brief Comedy in Four Acts

Act I.
Speaker Pelosi
Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Dec 20, 2007: The president has put the economy in the toilet. We need an Economic Stimulus Package!

Chris Jansing (MSNBC): The public is clamoring for information! Is Jennifer Love Hewitt pregnant, or just really fat?

Act II.
Senate Majority Leader Harry ReidSenate Majority Leader Harry Reid, Jan 11, 2008: I agree with Speaker Pelosi! We have written a letter to the president about the country's desperate need for a Economic Stimulus Package!

Anderson Cooper (CNN): History in the making! Paula Abdul debuts her first single in years, and people are calling it "an historical moment."

Act III.
Senator Hilary Clinton
Senator Hilary Clinton, Jan 11, 2008: I agree with Nancy and Harry! We need an Economic Stimulus Package!

Diane Sawyer (ABC): Britney Spears has hired her new paparazzi boyfriend as her personal bodyguard to fend off television psychologist Dr Phil! Spears is inconsolable and may even be suicidal, so she has agreed to talk with kids about teen pregnancy!

Act IV.
President Bush
President Bush, Jan 18, 2008: Uh, somebody told me to say that we need an Ebonics Stem-Cell Package...

Chris Matthews (MSNBC): In a fantastic display of financial genius, President Bush today unveiled his brilliant plan for a Economic Stimulus Package! He thought of it all by himself. What a guy!

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At Sat Jan 19, 08:11:00 AM, Blogger John J. said...

So sad, but so true. Amazingly though, the monkey actually seemed to listen to someone halfway intelligent (Bernenke and the Democrats) before making his speech.

At Sat Jan 19, 09:32:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hee Hee. Well done! Sadly, it's the reality, though.

Um, hey, no time for politics! American Idol is back on!

At Sat Jan 19, 10:50:00 AM, Blogger Dean Wormer said...

He's in "legacy" mode. That's why the peace initiative last week and that's why he and the GOP appear to be serious about economic stimulus this time around.

He can see the term "Bush Recession" looming and he doesn't like it.

At Sat Jan 19, 11:38:00 AM, Blogger Jess Wundrun said...


Almost as great as paying people to love you again.

Say, last week I saw Jim Cramer on the telly and he was saying we need an economic stimulus package too!!! He said what would really work good would be to give a really big tax cut to our corporations who would then promise (without fingers or toes crossed behind their upright and honest backs) to hire more people.

Even more Genius!!!!

At Sat Jan 19, 04:11:00 PM, Anonymous Agent Orange said...

My guess is that Jennifer Love Hewitt is just fat - a grave national tragedy!

At Sat Jan 19, 04:18:00 PM, Blogger Comrade Kevin said...

More seldom than not, our economies is our failings. I know something about it. I was one.

At Sat Jan 19, 04:24:00 PM, Blogger Westcoast Walker said...

New Paula Abdul Single =

A Sure Sign Of The Apocalypse.

At Sat Jan 19, 04:44:00 PM, Blogger Liberality said...

the media lap dogs need their comeuppance for sure. don't switch over to digital when the time comes. burn your televisions, revolt you fools, revolt!

At Sat Jan 19, 08:39:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

While I deplore violence - whacking TV commentators with a bat is more of a public service than actual violence. Right?

At Sun Jan 20, 02:27:00 AM, Blogger BAC said...

This is excellent, Dr. Z ... very sad, but very true.


At Sun Jan 20, 04:29:00 AM, Blogger Distributorcap said...

problem is what bush proposes isnt an economic stimulus package but in acutality an ebonics stem cell package


you didnt mention the biggest news -- Lindsay lohan has to work in a morgue

At Sun Jan 20, 06:37:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

John J.: I don't think Bush listened to anybody, I think his handlers did!

DCup: American Idol? Yippee! We can watch Paula Abdul have a meltdown.

Dean Wormer: I think that is an astute assessment.

Jess Wundrun: I know that Jim Cramer is supposed to be smart and all, but I can't help thinking that he needs to be on Ridilin or something. Tax cuts for corporations? Nobody has ever thought of that before! They can take the money and invest it overseas! Yay!

Agent Orange: I knew it! Inquiring minds want to know.

Comrade Kevin: I don't understand - You were an economy?

Westcoast Walker: New Paula Abdul Single = YAWN!!!

Liberality: Although I agree with your sentiment, I could never burn my TV while American Movies Classics was still on the air.

MWB's World: I agree! I think that officially counts as a mercy killing.

BAC: Thank you, BAC!

Distributorcap: It's just like that Iran-Iraq thing - he was only off by a few letters! So, you say that Lindsay lohan is going to be on NBC? ;o)


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