Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Monday, May 04, 2009

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil... Unless It is To My Direct Advantage, Of Course!

 
Although I am still hoping that the Obama Administration will come to their senses and appoint me to the still vacant Surgeon General post, with the recent news that David Souter is retiring From the Supreme Court I would like to formally submit my application for this position as well.

As the Minister of Science and Chief Defender of the Faith of Ape City, I have acted as magistrate in countless legal proceedings, many of which were directly related to the disposition of humans and their welfare.

Also, my forensic administrative abilities as Chief Lobotomist of Ape City will most certainly be of exceptional value in judicial matters of the high court, regardless of whether the issues at hand are statutory, regulatory or pontifical. (And I have it on good authority that 'lobotomy' is actually a code word for 'Activist Judge'!)

(By the way, the chocolate cake on my desk was used as crucial evidence in an important dessert-napping case, and was not merely a delicious afternoon snack.)
 

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11 Comments:

At Mon May 04, 12:25:00 PM, Blogger Kulkuri said...

You have my vote for what it's worth.

 
At Mon May 04, 01:55:00 PM, Blogger mwb said...

You dare try to take the mantle of the Lawgiver.

Truly sir your ambition has no limits!

 
At Mon May 04, 07:03:00 PM, Blogger Kelly the little black dog said...

Why not have both slots!

Talking about apes in government, have you seen this?

 
At Mon May 04, 07:15:00 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

And they are only considered activist judges when they aren't complete wingnuts. You would be a huge threat to the Republicans with you diversity and all.

 
At Tue May 05, 11:09:00 AM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

Is this your subtle way of praising Twisted Sister?

 
At Tue May 05, 01:41:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Kulkuri: Yay! I need all the support I can get.

mwb: The Great Lawgiver judges from above, I just want to pass judgment on those down here...

Kelly the little black dog: Ha! That's a hilarious video! I am sure that I will steal it. :o)

Lisa: I would not pose a threat to the Republicans. I would merely perform experimental brain surgery on them. :o)

Randal Graves: What?

 
At Tue May 05, 02:22:00 PM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

Don't you remember the bit from one of the greatest films of the 80s, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure?

 
At Wed May 06, 07:34:00 AM, Blogger Übermilf said...

Shouldn't you be shooting for Surgeon General?

 
At Wed May 06, 11:04:00 AM, Blogger Dean Wormer said...

Will you fling poo at Scalia? If you will you'll have my support.

 
At Thu May 07, 08:07:00 AM, Blogger Übermilf said...

Also, I don't like you in bangs. That was a bad look for you.

 
At Thu May 07, 09:02:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Randal Graves: Ack! I remember now. Sorry...

Übermilf: I am attempting to run for both positions simultaneously. Surely President Obama will see fit to hire someone of my importance and caliber.

Dean Wormer: Monkeys fling poo! Apes fling nets, and carry their captives back into town for experimental brain surgery. ;o)

Übermilf: What can I say? They were in fashion at the time. ;o)

 

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