Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Holy Crap! Under the New Healthcare Reform, Insurance Rates May Go Up 15%!

No time for blogging today! I'm far to busy gambling for the highest stakes possible, my life! You haven't lived until you spend an evening playing high stakes Go Fish in a gambling den filled with stale smoke and sweaty rich people. (Waitress! Another chocolate malted, please.)

Amercan casinos are allowed to make 17-20% in profit, which is about the same amount that insurance companies make off of every patient in premiums. Last night on Keith Olbermann's nifty little variety show I found out that right now the senate is debating whether or not to make Americans pick up as much as 35% of your bills from medical providers. (Thanks, Senator Max Baucus! I'm so glad that we are being screwed by Democrats instead of Republicans for once.)

I have thus decided that it is in my best financial interests to have my local casino perform my upcoming cataract/hip-replacement/gall bladder surgery, as clearly they are offering better rates. (I am not sure that I trust the casinos surgeons as much as those one might find in a hospital - but on the other hand, they do serve these delightful and colorful drinks with those nifty little umbrellas!) And then when I am recovering from my maelstrom of maladies, I'm gonna be one saucy simian in my new haute couture Hovearound®. (Beep beep! Get out of the way!)

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At Thu Aug 20, 10:33:00 AM, Blogger Tengrain said...

Zaius -

What are you doing playing Go Fish with Orson Wells?



At Thu Aug 20, 12:29:00 PM, Blogger Utah Savage said...

Dr Z that looks suspiciously like the bar at The Wulfshead. They have gambling? I bet there's a doctor or two in the house. The MDs are big on gambling. Life or death? You choose.

At Thu Aug 20, 02:56:00 PM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

Kind of hard to look James Bond suave at the card table with one's arm in a sling. I'm going to do what Der Leader implored, and simply not get sick!

At Thu Aug 20, 03:08:00 PM, Blogger sunshine said...

I wonder if they do tummy tucks?
I could use an eye lift too.

Wait a minute ... I'm Canadian! If I can prove that I "need it for medical reasons".. I can have my titties et all lifted for free!!!!!

See you at the roulette table Dr.Z (and that's pronounced Zed not Zeeeeee!)


At Thu Aug 20, 03:29:00 PM, Blogger Übermilf said...

Canadian women are going to get all the men with their tummy tucks and boob jobs and chin lifts.

At Thu Aug 20, 07:57:00 PM, Blogger ZIRGAR said...

Well, it's all one big gamble, so I can see where you're coming from...

At Fri Aug 21, 03:25:00 AM, Blogger Tea Break said...

The only way to resolve this outrage and disparity is to raise the percentages that casinos can take.

That way, health care rates won't seem so high.

At Fri Aug 21, 07:23:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Tengrain: I'm trying to win that most valuable of American resources - Healthcare! ;o)

Utah Savage: I know what you mean. I think that the croupier is a podiatrist! ;o)

Randal Graves: Indeed! People that are ill are un-american. health insurance is only for people that aren't sick!

Sunshine: Plastic surgery is free in Canada?!?! What about lobotomies? ;o)

Übermilf: Ha! Nothing is so alluring as a woman who tells me that she has had free Canadian tummy tucks, boob jobs and chin lifts! ;o)

Zirgar: Aha! And thus the metaphor is unearthed. ;o)

Tea Break: I hadn't thought of that. You should be a senator! ;o)

At Fri Aug 21, 08:50:00 PM, Blogger Distributorcap said...

tif you need a heart transplant - try the Bellagio in Vegas


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