Holy Crap! Under the New Healthcare Reform, Insurance Rates May Go Up 15%!

 

No time for blogging today! I'm far to busy gambling for the highest stakes possible, my life! You haven't lived until you spend an evening playing high stakes Go Fish in a gambling den filled with stale smoke and sweaty rich people. (Waitress! Another chocolate malted, please.)

Amercan casinos are allowed to make 17-20% in profit, which is about the same amount that insurance companies make off of every patient in premiums. Last night on Keith Olbermann's nifty little variety show I found out that right now the senate is debating whether or not to make Americans pick up as much as 35% of your bills from medical providers. (Thanks, Senator Max Baucus! I'm so glad that we are being screwed by Democrats instead of Republicans for once.)

I have thus decided that it is in my best financial interests to have my local casino perform my upcoming cataract/hip-replacement/gall bladder surgery, as clearly they are offering better rates. (I am not sure that I trust the casinos surgeons as much as those one might find in a hospital - but on the other hand, they do serve these delightful and colorful drinks with those nifty little umbrellas!) And then when I am recovering from my maelstrom of maladies, I'm gonna be one saucy simian in my new haute couture Hovearound®. (Beep beep! Get out of the way!)