Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, September 10, 2009

We Can't Allow a Pro-Family Values Eye-Patch Underpants Gap!


Michael Duvall, A Republican state lawmaker from Yorba Linda has leaked the latest in GOP technology - apparently he and his lobbyist friend, Heidi De Jong Barsuglia, have developed a new form of politically persuasive undergarments... eye-patch underpants! You can read all about it at this KCAL9 link, "Exclusive Taped Sex Comments Cost Calif. Lawmaker His Job".

Zaius Nation reporters have learned that Assemblyman Duvall's pro-family values secret lies within lobbyist Heidi De Jong Barsuglia's underpants! We have it on good authority that Assemblyman Duvall told his Republican colleague, Assemblyman Jeff Miller that, "She wears little eye-patch underwear." [ 1, 2, 3 ]

According to the Capitol Resource Institute, Assemblyman Duvall and lobbyist De Jong Barsuglia (I think that her stage name is "Spank Me Heidi") have been able to use these mysterious eye-patch underpants to gain a 100 percent rating from the conservative advocacy group for his pro-family legislation during the 2007-8 legislative session.

This is no time to shirk our underpants responsibilities! In an attempt to level the "pro-family values underwear" playing field, I have been hard at work at Zaius Nation Laboratories© trying to learn the secret of these pro-family values eye-patch underpants. (We can't allow a pro-family values eye-patch underpants gap!)

UPDATE: Matty Boy has a post about Michael Duvall as well!

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At Thu Sep 10, 09:22:00 AM, Blogger Bob said...

Well stated, Dr. Z.!

At Thu Sep 10, 09:56:00 AM, Blogger okjimm said...

Pro-Family values underwear?

I will order two..... will they have the Zaius logo?

At Thu Sep 10, 10:13:00 AM, Blogger Sleestak said...

HAPPY "pro-family values eye-patch underpants".

At Thu Sep 10, 10:13:00 AM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

How can those of us that don't wear underwear support this campaign?

At Thu Sep 10, 11:59:00 AM, Blogger Übermilf said...

First of all, Randal is gross. I know that's hardly news, but about Duvall...

Look at that guy. He couldn't possibly get it up without the help of Viagra. Without Viagra, the lobbyists couldn't use sex as a means of persuasion. Therefore, I think the people of California should sue the makers of Viagra.

At Thu Sep 10, 12:19:00 PM, Blogger Matty Boy said...

Now that Duval is no longer a member of the assembly, his former colleagues are free to say all the things about him that they would have kept under wraps before. The general consensus it that he couldn't keep his yap shut about whomsoever he was banging who was not his wife.

I don't want to judge too harshly. We all need a hobby.

Duval is also the topic of my post this morning. Another example of great minds from different species thinking alike, though I hadn't heard about the pirate eye-patch underwear, which is a topic hard to resist once you know about it.

At Thu Sep 10, 02:28:00 PM, Blogger Fran Langum / Blue Gal said...

You know it's a bad day for Boehner when a GOP lawmaker bragging about sex spanking a lobbyist in front of a hot mic is NOT the worst thing to happen to the party all day. Now we find out Congressman "you LIE" Wilson has amended his financial records and is in massive debt. Why do these guys need so much negative attention? Oh, it's because they're emotional toddlers, I keep forgetting.

At Thu Sep 10, 04:52:00 PM, Blogger Targa said...

Hmmm, Yorba Linda?

My Sharona!

"Shirking Our Underpants Responsibilities" is the name of my new full length CD on Pirate Records.
It's just dripping all over the place with hits.

At Thu Sep 10, 05:01:00 PM, Blogger zencomix said...

Dr Zaius, you're not trying to corner the Google market on eye patch underpants, are you?

At Thu Sep 10, 06:35:00 PM, Blogger Steve said...

i have full confidence you can close the gap that threatens us all.

(and i believe i'm still talking about that underwear business)

At Thu Sep 10, 08:32:00 PM, Blogger ThoughtCriminal said...

Is having sex with a Republican kinky, or out-right perverted?

The distinction I've heard is the difference between using a feather and bringing the whole chicken.

I might be inclined to buy Duvall's claim that he was just telling stories. After all, he must kill any chance of rumors that he might be gay. That would hurt that 100% Family Advocacy rating.

At Thu Sep 10, 08:37:00 PM, Blogger Seeing Eye Chick said...

I was so thankful that when I clicked on this blog post, that the Gap in the Eye Patch Underpants was not revealing the anatomical body part known as an anus. I am so glad that you didn't sink the depths of my imagination.

and spanking? TMI!

This is a case of, I don't swim in your bungalow, please don't piss in my brain. Sheesh. My delicate flower of Femininity is offended and bruised.

The worst part about this is that, in spite of the fact that he was getting his freak on in a most freakish manner, that it still didn't loosen him up. How sad. Maybe she didn't hit him hard enough. Perhaps I should mail her a skillet.

At Thu Sep 10, 09:02:00 PM, Blogger Tengrain said...

Zaius -

I worry about any kind of underwear gap, my momma raised me right.



At Fri Sep 11, 05:30:00 PM, Blogger sunshine said...

I like those eye patch panties! ;P
Thank you so much for your birthday wishes! (I'm feeling better today.. pms+40th b-day is not a good mix)
Thanks again!
Oh and we found both our guinea pigs!! They were hiding in the neighbours garden! All our pets are back home. Safe and sound. :)


At Sat Sep 12, 02:31:00 PM, Blogger susan said...

I like your kinky boxers.. stylin.

At Sun Sep 13, 10:21:00 AM, Blogger sunshine said...

Thank you so much for the birthday shout out Dr.Z! You're a very kind friend. :)

At Sun Sep 13, 12:16:00 PM, Blogger Melvin The Barbarian said...

Yeah? Well I'm from South Carolina, and our politicians are stupider than your politicians!

At Wed Sep 16, 02:36:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Bob: Thanks, Bob! :o)

OKJimm: But of course! I am sure that Pro-Family Values Underwear will soon become an important part of your underpants lifestyle! ;o)

Sleestak: But of course they are happy! How could Zaius Nation endorsed Pro-Family Values Underpants be anything else? ;o)

Randal Graves: I think that Zaius Nation endorsed Pro-Family Values Underpants are not so much a thing as an ideal... ;o)

Übermilf: I think the people of the United States should sue the makers of Viagra just for making me watch their stupid ads on TV! ;o)

Matty Boy: I love your post! Hobbies are important, especially if they involve Pro-Family Values Underpants! ;o)

Fran Langum / Blue Gal: Hey! I resent that statement. I am quite proud of being an emotional toddler. ;o)

Targa: I am glad that the Zaius Nation platform is cathin n with the younger generation! Peace, Love and Underpantsing... ;o)

Zencomix: Heaven forbid! Zaius Nation endorsed Pro-Family Values Underpants are for everybody! Yay! ;o)

Steve: I am glad to see that you fully grasp the importance of this dire situation. We can't allow a pro-family values eye-patch underpants gap! ;o)

ThoughtCriminal: I think that having sex with a Republican is only kinky if you do right. ;o)

Seeing Eye Chick: I think that the anatomical body part you are speaking of is on full display on FOX News on a daily basis, however. :o(

I like your idea about the skillet! "Would you like one lump or two?" ;o)

Tengrain: But of course! Some gaps are more important than others. ;o)

Sunshine: Happy birthday, Sunshine!

Susan: Thanks! I try to be fashionable. ;o)

Sunshine: ;o)

Melvin The Barbarian: Well, I certainly can't argue with you on that point... ;o)


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