Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Tucker Carlson is Still Officially Not Gay!

 
Tucker Carlson is muy macho!

After Tucker Carlson's MSNBC show 'Tucker' got the axe rumors were flying about the final dispositon of the intrepid and still officially not gay news pundit, but have no fear boys and girls! Despite what they have been saying about him, Tucker Carlson is still officially not gay!

According to a recent FOX News video clip that I found on Crooks & Liars, Tucker is going to do an important news show about defending violence based on sexual orientation, and the horrors of teaching about gay penguin sex in school!

The clip is of FOX News' morning talk show host Steve Doocey and Tucker having a very heterosexual and manly on-air chat about Tucker's new role at FOX. Tucker is very concerned about your kids, and wants to make sure that his macho manly not gayness is able to rub off on them!

I am glad that Steve Doocey and FOX News will be putting some wind in the sails of Tucker's flagging career, which has sadly been rather limp and lifeless these last few months.

For those of you that may have missed the previous news story about how Tucker Carlson first defended and defined his official not gayness (and why this new story is so freakin' hilarious), this is a reprint of what was previously reported back in September, 2007:

During a discussion of Sen. Larry Craig's not-gayness, Political news pundit Tucker Carlson proclaimed his own not-gayness by stating that he had once been solicited is in a men's restroom. He then went and got one of his not-gay friends and two of them went back to the men's room to defend his not-gay honor. Let it be known that Tucker Carlson is very serious about his not-gayness. He wants the public to know that he is very extra-macho. He is so very extra-macho that when he is unable to beat up a homosexual on his own, he will get one of his not-gay friends to beat up the nasty gay person for him. Bask in Tucker Carlson's not-gayness on YouTube!

Here is the story from Media Matters:

Tuesday evening, during an on-air discussion about Sen. Larry Craig's arrest, MSNBC host Tucker Carlson recounted a mid-1980s incident in which, according to Carlson, he and a friend slammed a man's head against a bathroom stall because the man had "bothered" Carlson.

While Carlson described hitting the man's head "against the stall," he broke into a broad smile, barely stifling a laugh. At least one of his MSNBC colleagues who were on the air at the same time -- Dan Abrams and Joe Scarborough -- laughed out loud. (Neither man was visible on-screen at that precise moment, but the uproarious laughter that greeted Carlson's comments indicate that at least one of them found it hilarious. Watch the video for yourself.)

Carlson's boast that he and a friend physically assaulted a man who he said "bothered" him quickly drew criticism, and Carlson changed his story the next day. In an email statement Media Matters for America received from an MSNBC spokesperson, Carlson said... Read the rest at Media Matters

The first Media Matters story about the segment has a transcript of the show.
 

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14 Comments:

At Wed Sep 02, 11:15:00 AM, Blogger sunshine said...

He's not gay.
I actually had sex with him back in the 90's.

Haha! I'm kidding. He's gay. And, he's an jackass too. :D

I feel sorry for his male lover. He must be very patient.

Dr.Z. I love your blog... sigh...

((Hugs))
Laura

 
At Wed Sep 02, 11:40:00 AM, Blogger Some Guy said...

Is this why he ditched the bow tie? It was polling "too gay" in the red states?

 
At Wed Sep 02, 11:44:00 AM, Blogger Brady Bonk said...

His mother Margaret will be very happy to hear this excellent news regarding Tucker's not-gayness!

 
At Wed Sep 02, 01:32:00 PM, Blogger Tea Break said...

Tucker is not gay. Not that there not anything wrong with that. But I did hear that he and Rick Santorum were observed at a past convention involved in something manly called "scat play."

I am not sure of the details. I am sure, like the bowtie, that it is nothing but a reaffirmation of heterosexual tendencies.

 
At Wed Sep 02, 01:36:00 PM, Blogger Hamed said...

Alot of people don't know that "Tucker" is not his real name. It is a nickname that refers to something he DOES when his is in drag.

But that doesn't prove anything about being gay or not.

 
At Wed Sep 02, 01:37:00 PM, Blogger Übermilf said...

Tucker rhymes with...

 
At Wed Sep 02, 02:01:00 PM, Blogger Tengrain said...

What Tucker never mentions about the men's room incident of course, is what he said before he roughed up the other guy:

"Knees or elbows?"

Regards,

Tengrain

 
At Wed Sep 02, 02:10:00 PM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

This post is so gay. You know, light-hearted and fancy free. At least it isn't queer. I can't take any more weirdness.

 
At Wed Sep 02, 04:53:00 PM, Blogger Blake said...

"Why do all these creepy guys follow me into public bathrooms and constantly want to have sex with me? I am married and have a son, by the way. And all of these really fit, cut, creepy guys..."

 
At Wed Sep 02, 08:18:00 PM, Blogger BAC said...

Dr. Zaius ... LOVE the "nooky" video. You two are the best!!


xoxo
BAC

 
At Thu Sep 03, 03:55:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Sunshine: Actually, I don't really think that Tucker is gay. What's funny is the inordinate amount of time and effort that he goes through to persuade people that he is straight, and his little story back in 2007 was hilarious! And then there is the whole "bow tie" thing... ;o)

Some Guy: The bow tie was once his trademark, but now he keeps it "in the closet"... ;o)

Brady Bonk: Indeed! I'm sure that all of those things that happened to Tucker in college were just rumors... ;o)

Tea Break: But of course! Tucker's little games with his male friends are all very heterosexual, of course.

Hamed: Ack! I can't comment on that. :o)

Übermilf: "Trucker?" They are very macho, as well... ;o)

Tengrain: Ack! I don't get your pop culture reference! I'm such a geezer... :o(

Randal Graves: Curse you and your homophones, Randal!

Blake: That is exactly what Tucker said! On national TV... ;o)

BAC: ♥ :o)

 
At Mon Sep 07, 10:12:00 PM, Blogger ZIRGAR said...

Well, if he has to go to such great lengths to convince people of his not gayness, certainly this lends credence to his not not gayness, no?

 
At Wed Sep 09, 02:13:00 PM, Blogger Darius Whiteplume said...

I don't know which is worse for gay people. Having him amongst their ranks, or the violent way he keeps that closet door shut.

On the plus side, chances are he won't spawn.

Maybe he can do his show with Man Coulter?

 
At Wed Sep 09, 04:41:00 PM, Blogger Darius Whiteplume said...

I finally got to see the video.

TC is sooooo not gay. Is that what we are saying? Well, don't... stop... don't.. stop.. don't. stop.

:-)

Did he say he's the least anti-gay conservative? So, a single hate crime is the best they can do? ;-)

 

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