Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Sunday, May 20, 2007

White House: "war on terror" out, "weird microscopic mummy insects" in

The 'war on terror' is over, according to U.S. and British officials, who are abandoning that phrase. The British and American governments have instructed all diplomats to stop using the phrase 'war on terror.' Reflecting the Bush regime's new position, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff declared what the country is engaged in now is a global battle with 'weird microscopic mummy insects.'

The "war on terror" is over, according to U.S. and British officials, who are abandoning that phrase. The British and American governments have instructed all diplomats to stop using the phrase "war on terror." Reflecting the Bush regime's new position, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff declared what the country is engaged in now is a global battle with "weird microscopic mummy insects."

The administrations of both countries feel that the new phrase will add more gravatas and credibility to their recent sagging public support.

"'Weird microscopic mummy insects' is more descriptive, and lets the public know just what kind of menace we are trying to portray really up against." Said White House spokesman Tony Snow. "It is important that the message we give is an accurate one."

Eighty-two prisoners of the global battle with weird microscopic mummy insects being held at Guantánamo Bay have been cleared for release, but they may be held months, perhaps years longer, the Washington Post reported, because U.S. officials can’t find places to deport them to. Via Blue Gal.

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6 Comments:

At Sun May 20, 02:10:00 PM, Blogger Evil Spock said...

Jesus! They've found out about Evil Spock's Insect/Rodent Weapons Division! They're going to put Evil Spock in Gitmo!

 
At Sun May 20, 09:09:00 PM, Blogger DCup said...

It's always a war on something. I wish someone would wage a war on assholes and win.

Poof - no more Cheney/Bush.

 
At Sun May 20, 09:17:00 PM, Anonymous Tengrain said...

Gee, I thought he was using the magnifying glass to find Chimpy's wink. The man is hung like a bee.

Regards,

Tengrain

 
At Mon May 21, 03:06:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Evil Spock: According to Michael Moore, as a prisoner of Gitmo you will recieve better health care than our soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. Consider yourself lucky! There is not even a co-pay!

DCup: There is some rhetoric I would like to see put foreward! "The war on assholes!" The first thing to disappear would be Fox News.

Tengrain: We will have to take your word on that one, Tengrain. ;o)

 
At Mon May 21, 08:54:00 AM, Anonymous Tengrain said...

Dr. Z - it is a well documented fact. Just Google "hung like a bee."

Regards,

Tengrain

 
At Mon May 21, 01:38:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Dude, that was a freaking Google Surfin' Safari! Well, first I found stuff like this, but that was wrong - and then I found this, which pointed to this, but that did not contain any reference to bees, or MPS, so I guess you meant this. Ahem:

"Researchers working at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico have successfully trained bees to sniff out explosives in a move that may have a strong impact on U.S. Homeland security and the battlefields in Iraq and Afghanistan. Honeybees use their proboscis, the long, slender tube used to feed on nectar, when they detect the scent of explosives ranging from C-4 plastic explosives to some of the materials used in improvised explosive devices made by insurgents.

Well, the man is hung like a bee, so how does he apply for the job?"

Which is very funny! But that is what you call a very shaggy dog story. Maybe next time just give me the link! I was looking for bees in the wrong places. Don't make this tired old ape Google so hard!

 

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