Haliburton Finds New Ways to Fudge the Bottom Line

A new wrinkle has been unocovered in the recent story about the U.S. military putting amputees back on active duty, and even back into combat. The Pentagon has just been announced that the return of amputees to active duty is only the beginning. A new form of "Super Soldier" is being created and tested for military applications. The super soldier is a mutant hybrid nicknamed the "Mutant Commandos."

The new soldiers are much smaller than the standard soldiers of today, and thus need fewer requirements to carry out their duties. Officials at Haliburton are proud of their new prototypes, who they say that the company will be able to save battlefield deployment costs on food, shelter and transportation costs.

Detractors of the program point out that the mutants are barely human, and are ill equipped to fight in battle. Pentagon officials poo-poo the idea that the mutants are less than human.

"Why, they are at least as human as Dick Cheney!" Said one official. "Everybody know that Dick Cheney is a human, right?" Reports of the vice-president being a human are still being compiled as of this date.

If we can get them to the battlefield and save money for the company, then I just don't see what the problem is," Said a Haliburton spokesman. "I mean, what's good for the company is good for America. Am I right or am I right?"