Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Election Update for August 2nd, 2007 - "the Garbled Rhetoric of a Twisted Few"


Dr. Zaius here, with your election update for today. The campaign trail is fraught with many hazards and pitfalls, but in the end the eternal quest for power all boils down to one thing... Mindless prattle!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator has been very actively campaigning this week. He gives a synopsis of how things are going in his article, "My Campaign Thus Far", and wants the public to know that he is a Man of Action.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator is being very forthright about his own past, as well as being very forthright about the lurid past of his various opponents.

Unfortunately, The Monkerstein Campaign has released a hateful bit of vitriolic that gives Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator the John Edwards treatment.

The Evil Dr. Monkerstein continues to mock his new toy, Evil Spock. After boasting of his power over the Vulcan, Dr. Monkerstein provides evidence of his total control via his insidious mind control fez technology.

Noted cinema buff Samurai Frog apparently cannot keep his films nor his characters straight as he unsuccessfully attempts to prove Dr. Zaius a Fraud.

Sleestak has been taking some time off from his campaign to generate a pixel army of talking dolls via photoshop meme technology.

Motivational speaker Philo-Deux Speaks! wants you to know that he is running his campaign at full tilt! Except he can't get on the internet right now, because his dohickey needs a new thingamajig. He still lives in a van... down by the river.

And Dr. Zaius has a dream...


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At Thu Aug 02, 08:06:00 AM, Blogger Splotchy said...

I am not sure if I am completely following the Homeric epic that is unfolding in front of me, but I do know this --if Dr. Smith doesn't use his Hawaiian print, stringy-haired photo as his avatar, the police should throw him in the pokey.

At Thu Aug 02, 10:07:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I keep forgetting to tell you the Kucinich Baby post was brilliant!

I opened it the day our internet tubes were clogged by HughesNet and never got back to comment.

At Thu Aug 02, 12:14:00 PM, Anonymous Dr. Smith said...

Bah, that was one of the many Dr. Smith impersonators and not myself.

Dr. Smith impersonators are one of the few growth industries in the US!

At Thu Aug 02, 01:17:00 PM, Blogger SamuraiFrog said...

Is that what they're called? Dr. Smith impersonators? I thought they were simply called perverts. But if you want to make it a science, I understand.

Mr. Zaius, your days are numbered. Prepare yourself for the end of your campaign. The information I have will prove at last the mystery of your identity!

At Thu Aug 02, 04:47:00 PM, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

It's amazing how all of these candidates are all full of talk except me. Clearly, I am the only candidate who is a man of action, as I proved this week.

At Fri Aug 03, 07:13:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Splotchy: The picture really does catch his best side, doesn't it?

DCup: Thank you, DCup. That is very kind of you.

Dr. Smith: I am not sure that Dr. Smith impersonators is the kind of "growth industry" that the Wall Street Journal has in mind.

SamuraiFrog: I have no doubt that the caliber of information that you come up with will be right up there with the hard hitting journalism that you have already provided. Now, who is General Thade's father in the bastard remake of POTA again? That's right! The president of the NRA!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator: Well, you are indeed full of something, all right! You have to ask yourself though - do we really need another "Action Man?" We have one in office now! I think what this country needs is a man of reason. Someone like myself, perhaps...


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