Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Monday, December 10, 2007

College Course Meme

Upper Division Courses
(All of these course are required this semester.)

2157. Internship in Feeding the Instructor's Ego (3 credits) MWF 10:30-11:45
(Formerly: Brown Nosing 2104.)
Learn why the teacher's dissertation and unimaginative stories about his dreary life are more important than furthering your college education. Roundtable discussions will focus on the professor and his relationships on and off campus. The instructor will encourage certain students to call him by his first name, but not others. Female students will be encouraged to wear skimpy, tight-fitting clothing and sit in the front row for extra attention by the teacher. You will be required to buy an expensive text that will not be used during the semester. (Prerequisite: Ass Kissing 101)

2104. Fundamentals of Personal Responsibility (3 credits) MWF 9:30-10:45
An introduction to the theories and methods used in wiping your own ass. This is a project-based technical instruction course. Topics include responsible rear-end excavation techniques, in depth analysis of the archaeological findings, and the reconstruction of the past based on actual events as opposed to the fabrication of self-serving drivel. Learn to see relationships as an emotional transaction based on mutual respect as opposed to merely opportunities to exploit other people. Course will include a final project that demonstrates that it is not the function of family members to provide you with money to support your drug habit.

0803. The Art of the Sacred Cow (3 credits) MWF 10:30-11:45
Where do people go to communicate with their divine inner selfishness? Explore with us how Republicans become above responsibility and reproach, at least within their own minds. Learn to create a scene when confronted with criticism, whether it is sound or otherwise. become immune to rational thought and the needs of others. Students will be encouraged to create a rigid mind set that matches that of the entire group. Workshops will include "passing the buck" and "excuses for all occasions". There is a required field trip to an airport restroom.

1148. Boring International Cinema (3 credits) MWF 9:45-11:30
A selection of films from modern Europe and Third World cultures which demonstrate that Americans are unable to watch films that do not reflect their own vapid, empty lifestyles. The subtitles of all of the films will be the same color as the background image, and thus illegible. Grading for the course will be intermittent because the instructor will be too involved in his own film projects to do more than run the projector and give vague and useless answers to student's questions. Films will be selected according to a theme that makes no sense.

3978. Better Living Through Time Travel (3 credits) MWF 10:30-?
One of the enduring wishes of us history geeks is the ability to travel through time to see first hand the epochs and events that interest us the most. Well now you can, with this amazing, single-semester course! Learn the secret art of space-time continuum manipulation! Explore your chosen field fully versed in the language of your choice! No Latin? No problem! Discover the heretofore unknown nuances that prevent the paradoxical alteration of history itself that so much bad sci-fi has warned us about! So go and step on that bug with impudence! And just remember, the next time some wanker says that no one knows the real reason for the disappearance of human culture in the future, you can say, "You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!" Space craft necessary for said travel not included.

This is an installment of a college course meme. I was tagged by L'ennui mélodieux, who states that meemers should "write about 5 classes you would like to take if you could make up your own curriculum. AND - and this is important, ONE of them must come from your tagger's list." I am afraid that I bent the rules a bit by writing about courses that actually existed at the college I attended, with the exception of the course "Fundamentals of Responsibility," which has ceased to exist in the curriculum. With that shallow admission made, I now tag the following bloggers for this meme:

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At Mon Dec 10, 09:28:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Yikes! Those sound like tough courses. :)

At Mon Dec 10, 12:48:00 PM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

Great list, but fucking hell, is that first class real. I took it quite often as an undergrad so many aeons ago. Though it was comical to watch the combover-cleavage interaction!

At Mon Dec 10, 03:03:00 PM, Blogger Mark said...

OK, Doc. I'll have at it.

At Mon Dec 10, 03:46:00 PM, Blogger Splotchy said...

Mine's up.

At Mon Dec 10, 08:16:00 PM, Blogger Distributorcap said...

did you take ass kissing 101 at my university?

it is required for Kick Ass Diplomacy tho we called it ass-licking

that was great dr z?

At Mon Dec 10, 09:36:00 PM, Blogger FranIAm said...

I love to kiss ass Dr and none more than your own ( wow how was that for a kick off?!) but I have already been the curriculum director of what I have come to think of as F.U.!

(that would be Fran U for the less informed around you.)

I am ready to sign up for these though!

At Tue Dec 11, 05:50:00 AM, Blogger MichaelBains said...

Doc Dude! I'm a gonna To Do this one.

(Loved your answers, eh.)

At Tue Dec 11, 07:39:00 AM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

Fran, you religious type chicks are really fucking naughty. I might have to rethink this atheism thing.

At Tue Dec 11, 10:40:00 AM, Blogger dguzman said...


At Tue Dec 11, 01:24:00 PM, Blogger Mark said...

Mine is up on Mondo Marco.

At Wed Dec 12, 05:21:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Dr. Monkerstein: Not nearly as tough as the cafeteria meatloaf, let me tell ya!

Randal Graves: I had an ancient psych teacher that was nearly drooled over all of the girls, and spent the entire class looking down their repective blouses.

Mark: Great!

Splotchy: Ack! That was quick. Very cool! I am afraid that I cannot share your fanatacism for "Kickball! Kickball! Kickball!!, but I loved the "Building Real-World Rube Goldberg Contraptions:". (You only get three credits? And you should definitely get free beer in both courses.) Bravo!

Distributorcap: We used to call that "Advanced Political Theory". (Moose explains it to Reggie in the second act.)

FranIAm: You are the F.U. curriculum director? I am sure that you are very popular with the teenyboppers!

MichaelBains: Why sir, I shall change the post to add your name to list retroactively! That is very cool.

Randal Graves: There is nothing dirtier than a Catholic schoolgirl... Except maybe a Catholic priest thinking about a Catholic schoolboy!

dguzman: Thanks!

Mark: Very good! I just read it. Excellent! I loved "Communication - Communicative Practice". At my college, that is not only a course, it is a whole degree!


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