Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Saturday, December 15, 2007

I'm Actually Having a Good Day, I Just Haven't Noticed Yet


We no longer have trees in my fair city. We have treecicles! And even though they have no nuts in them, all of them are crunchy!

I have not left my house for a few days because of the weather. When I left my house yesterday, I found something odd on the back doormat. A tree! A whole freakin' tree! The tree in neighbors yard fell down and is blocking the back door. I now have to go out the front door.

One might think that having a tree blocking my back door would cause an unsightly lack of symmetry, thus reducing the overall splendor of my fine abode. But fear not! I have a tree down in the front yard as well. They are like matching bookends!

Speaking of symmetry, gracing my downed cable line in the back yard I also have a downed live power line in the back yard. Everything is coming in pairs!

I didn't even know that it was a power line. I assumed that it was something else because the power is back on in my house. A member of the National Guard was going door to door assessing the damages and making sure that no one is freezing or starving to death. He warned me that there was a power line down in the back yard, running through the tree blocking the door that I was thinking of taking my neighbor's chain saw to. (Urp! Scrap that mission.)

I called the power company, and the nice operator said that she would note the address and that they would take care of as soon as humanly possible - like maybe next week sometime, weather permitting. I totally understood, this place is a disaster area. There was no use complaining.

I have mentioned this tree to a few people, who invariably say "Can't you just lift the branch aside?"

It's not a branch, it's a whole freaking tree.

"Why don't you cut it down with a chainsaw?"

There is a live power line in the back yard.

"Can't you just push it aside?"

No, it's a whole freaking tree.

I don't mind that at all, though. What does bother me is that I just want to complain and say that I am having a bad week, and that the fallen trees are just the icing on the cake. I just wnat some sympathy. I can't do that though, the conversation always goes awry. This is what happens when I tell my tale of woe to people at work:

Me: "Tree, backyard, power line."

Fellow worker #1: "That's rough! We've been without power for a week."

Ack! He's having a much worse week than me.

Me: "Tree, backyard, power line."

Fellow worker #2: "Jeepers! That's terrible. I have just spent the last eight hours in the emergancy room with an impacted, abscessed wisdom tooth. And the pain pills the doctor gave me aren't working very well."

Ack! He's having a much worse week than me.

Me: "Tree, backyard, power line."

Fellow worker #3: "Wow! That sounds like a difficult situation. I just drove my car into a ditch."

I give up. No sympathy for me! I am living in the gawdamned garden of Eden compared to these people. And then I read Jess Wundrun's blog. Everybody is having a worse week than me! I should be kissing my lucky stars. I'm complaining that I don't have a decent internet connection, and yet some of my neighbors are still without power and heat.

I tell you, it is just no good being miserable when everyone else is more miserable than you. It just takes all the fun out of it.

I would just like to go to bed and sleep for a week, but I have to got to work all week.

Did I mention that it is snowing really heavily outside? That it is supposed to snowing really heavily all day and all night?

Yeah, I know. I am actually having a good day. I have no right to be complaining. It's everybody else is that is having a worse week than me. Sigh.

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At Sat Dec 15, 12:19:00 PM, Blogger Comrade Kevin said...

My week hasn't been THAT awful.

I've been fortunate to not end up with tree damage after a storm. The remnants of Katrina caused some major tree-related damage to the neighbors.

Be thankful you didn't end up with a tree crashing through your living room!

At Sat Dec 15, 01:35:00 PM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

That's the problem with reality. Sometimes I love wallowing in my own self-inflicted - or even Spaghetti Monster inflicted ice-ery - misery but then someone has the stones to up and be suffering for real. Bastards! Don't get electro-zapped as you venture out among the human rabble!

At Sat Dec 15, 02:06:00 PM, Blogger Freida Bee said...

Let it be enough that WE all pity you, dear doctor AND we'll come to your pity party and all bring you two pieces of everything and you can even complain about THAT.

It seems, people trying to cheer me up makes me feel even worse. It's like they're saying, "You shouldn't be feeling that way." I KNOW that, but not all of us are as detached from our emotions as some.

It ususally passes, but for your sake, let's assume it won't.

At Sat Dec 15, 03:21:00 PM, Anonymous Dee Loralei said...

What FriedaB said DrZ. So wallow away, and we'll give you two of everything nummy.

Bossy, of I Am Bossy, is having a horrible week too. (sigh)

At Sat Dec 15, 05:25:00 PM, Blogger BAC said...

Hey, Dr. Z ... I'm having a great week, so sorry to hear about your bad one. And I'm with Fredia Bee on the two of everything, and complain all you want. I just started my vacation, and won't be back in the office until 2008. I was standing on the back deck today, tossing the ball for Bart who was running all around the back yard. We have a big tree back there, too, but it's standing upright. So let me say again that I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a bad week.


At Sat Dec 15, 08:08:00 PM, Blogger Wyldth1ng said...

You can have the power company remove your tree in the power line goes through it, at no cost to you.

At Sun Dec 16, 08:38:00 AM, Blogger Jess Wundrun said...

Jeez, Dr. Z, I might be having a bad week but at least there's no tree down in my yard with a live power line! I can be thankful for that.

Truthfully, at a little family gathering yesterday the conversation was all about how it sucks to be you guys out there in Missouri.

At Sun Dec 16, 10:40:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Comrade Kevin: Hmm... If I did have a tree crash through your living room, it might make a good story to tell at work!

Randal Graves: They actually re-hung the power line this morning when I go home from work, which is really good news. Now I just have to figure out what to do with freakin' tree blocking my back door! I like your assessment of the situation though. "...then someone has the stones to up and be suffering for real. Bastards!" HA! Good one.

Freida Bee: This whole post was a joke, of course. I just realized that a lot of people have it worse than me, that I should be grateful that my circumstances are not worse. I was not really trying to elicit sympathy! Although your kind offer of a party with "two pieces of everything" does sound delicious! I am especially partial to chocolate cake, you know...

And cheering someone up is usually easiest when done unconsciously. A good distraction is usually better than a slap on the back and a hearty, "Cheer up, little buckaroo!"

Dee Loralei: Yay! Two of everything nummy! Still, it was all a joke, I hope that your realize. I'll have to check on Bossy, I've been really busy.

BAC: That sounds great! Enjoy your vactation. Do what you do best - blog! make it a blogging vacation!

Wyldth1ng: The power company here doesn't do that. They will simply rehang a line, or cut only enough of a tree to make fix the problem. I shall have to take care of the tree some other way.

Jess Wundrun: Oh no - you are just trying to make me feel better. You are just like my co-workers. You are having a much worse week than me. I just can't win!

But of course, I was joking. The point of the post was that a lot of people have it worse than me, that I should be grateful that my circumstances are not worse.

I am somewhat heartened that you feel that Missouri sucks. That is at least a realistic assessment. For one thing, the French bread is awful, the Chinese food is not even edible, and the pizza is a foul, unholy insult to organic chemistry in general. It's like culinary hell.

At Sun Dec 16, 07:15:00 PM, Blogger Liberality said...

have been through a few ice storms here in Indiana and I say I will take snow anyday rather than ice.

At Sun Dec 16, 09:41:00 PM, Blogger The Cunning Runt said...

I was just about to strap a bong around the neck of a Saint Bernard and send it you-ward, but seeing as you're just joshin' us, I'm gonna hafta unstrap that unit and figure out somethin' else to do with it.

At Mon Dec 17, 08:29:00 AM, Blogger Freida Bee said...

Now, who is toying with whom's emotions?

And CR, send it my way. We almost had a freeze down here last night and I just can't cope.

At Mon Dec 17, 12:08:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Liberality: Definately! Snow is prefferable to ice. "Black ice" is the worst - athin layer over the pavement that can't see unitl fall on your ass in a tumble. I must admit that the ice covering everything is pretty, though. Like a storybook picture.

The Cunning Runt: Hmm... I am sure that you will think of something! I appreciate the sentiment, though. Thank you.

Freida Bee: Oh, come now. I laid it on pretty thick - you must have realized that I was speaking in jest. Look within yourself... What does your heart say? No, not your heart... Tell me what your happy underpants say... I hope that your freeze warms up. It is supposed to be a sunny 42 degrees here tomorrow! I may run around naked.

At Mon Dec 17, 12:50:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well this is why the Neo-Con war on nature is good for you. When there are no trees, there will be no trees to fall. ;-)

We didn't get hit as bad, but we did get to pretty rough back to back storms.

It was no fun heading to work this morning.

At Tue Dec 18, 12:18:00 PM, Blogger Freida Bee said...

I don't understand. Did I DO or SAY something that misled you into thinking I had a proper sense of proportion or reality?

At Tue Dec 18, 12:57:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

I like your proportions just fine, and if you had any sense of reality then you would not be here - that's for darn sure!


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