Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Friday, April 23, 2010

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil... Unless It is To My Direct Advantage, Of Course!

With the recent news that Justice John Paul Stevens is retiring From the Supreme Court I would like to formally submit my application for this position.

As the Minister of Science and Chief Defender of the Faith of Ape City, I have acted as magistrate in countless legal proceedings, many of which were directly related to the disposition of humans and their welfare.

Also, my forensic administrative abilities as Chief Lobotomist of Ape City will most certainly be of exceptional value in judicial matters of the high court, regardless of whether the issues at hand are statutory, regulatory or pontifical. (And I have it on good authority that 'lobotomy' is actually a code word for 'Activist Judge'!)

(By the way, in the photo above the chocolate cake on my desk was used as crucial evidence in an important dessert-napping case, and was not merely a delicious afternoon snack.)

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At Fri Apr 23, 03:25:00 PM, Blogger Darwin's Dagger said...

But are you a Protestant ape or a Catholic ape? Cause the last thing we need is another Catholic ape on the court (that's Scalia's job).

At Fri Apr 23, 09:35:00 PM, Blogger gmb said...

If I were a senator, I would vote for you in a nanosecond. But only if you swear that Scalia gets lobotomized first. Alito second.

At Sat Apr 24, 09:36:00 PM, Blogger Tengrain said...

What GMB said.

But, I'd go in halvsies with you on electrodes in Robert's brain. You know, like in bio where you make the pickled froggy jump?



At Sun Apr 25, 10:27:00 AM, Blogger Distributorcap said...

do you have the doll that says "mama"

you will get asked that on your senate grilling

At Mon Apr 26, 12:55:00 PM, Blogger Kelly the little black dog said...

I think we need someone with photoshop skills needs to create a "Zaius for Justice of the Supreme Court" badge to post on our blogs.

At Mon Apr 26, 01:55:00 PM, Blogger Darwin's Dagger said...

I guess Dr. Z's notion of the separation of powers is based on orangutans in the judiciary, gorillas in the legislative and chimpanzees in the executive.

At Tue Apr 27, 09:41:00 AM, Blogger JustJoeP said...

DD - your Scalia jab KILLS me! LOL!

Perhaps Dr Z could bring a zoroastrian perspective to the court? =)

At Thu Apr 29, 07:40:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Darwin's Dagger: **hrumph** I am a follower of the Great Lawgiver!

GMB: Thanks, GMB! I swear to lobotomize all who oppose me. ;o)

Tengrain: I am afraid that the electrodes experiment only works on living tissue. ;o)

Distributorcap: Ha! All evidence of that civilization was destroyed when I blew up the cave! ;o)

Kelly the little black dog: That's a great idea! Thanks, Kelly! ;o)

Darwin's Dagger: Bah! Orangutans fill the judiciary, legislative and executive branches of government, as well as acting as the leaders of the religious branch!

JustJoeP: What?!? I'm not Iranian! I was born in Ape City, which is just out of New York. (In a couple of thousand years.) ;o)


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