Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Sommers, Jovovich to Join the Zaius/Gregarious Team

The Bionic Woman Intro
The Bionic Woman in Training
The Bionic Woman sings "Feelings"
The Bionic Woman "Bionic Beauty"
The Bionic Belly Button
"The Return of Bigfoot"
"The Return of Bigfoot" (Promo)
Bionic Woman vs. Fembots
Bionic Woman vs. Kidnappers
The Bionic Woman (Promo)
The Bionic Woman "Kill Oscar!"
The Bionic Woman Bloopers/Outtakes
The Bionic Woman "Bionic Blowout"
The Bionic Woman Montage

My running mate, Germaine Gregarious has recruited two new members for our campaign team, the Nefarious Lair of LGPPP, and I was so impressed with the characteristics of her choices that I felt compelled to express their qualifications in a more distinct fashion.

Ms. Gregarious has recently revealed that Jaime Sommers, AKA The Bionic Woman, has pledged her support for our campaign. Ms. Sommers has kindly agreed to accept a position in our administration in the Department of Homeland Security.

A retired professional tennis player, Ms. Sommers has quit her job as a schoolteacher in Ojai, Ca. to start work on our campaign.

Not only will Ms. Sommers be a great asset in our campaign to win over the hearts and minds of American humans, but Ms. Sommers has had an uneasy friendship with the elusive Bigfoot (see window above). I find her relationship with Bigfoot heartening, as the existence of Bigfoot will prove conclusively that apes evolved from man, and not vice versa. This is an integral part of our campaign's educational message.

In the past, Ms. Sommers has had several disagreeable encounters with her mortal enemies, Professor Charles Kingsfield's army of Fembots (see window above), a line of powerful legal androids that were created at Harvard Law School. Ms. Sommers showed some apprehension upon her initial discovery that I have in my employ an army of Fembot Assassins formerly owned by Dr. Goldfoot, and that Ms. Gregarious has her own army of Lesbots.

This was cleared up after a couple of rousing games of classic Pong (and few too many Mai Tai's!) in the Rumpus Room. I am afraid that Ms. Sommer's tennis skill were too much for Ms. Gregarious and I, and we were both soundly defeated at Pong, but we did manage to convince Ms. Sommers of the sound military applications of Dr. Goldfoot's Fembot Assassins. She was quite taken with the Lesbots as well, requesting that she be allowed to study them in greater detail in the future.

Her false Fembot fears quelled, Ms. Sommer's told us about her new television show that she will starring in. It is running on NBC every Wednesdays at 9 p.m. ET. (Check your local listings!) I haven't seen it yet, but I look forward to watching Ms. Sommers' do something on television besides selling Sleep Number beds.

".45" (Trailer)
"Dummy" (Clip 1)
"Dummy" (Clip 2)
"The Messenger" (Trailer)
"The Million Dollar Hotel"
"The Fifth Element" (Diva Dance)
"Fifth Element" (Leeloo vs Mangalores)
"Fifth Element" (DNA Reconstruction)
"Fifth Element" (Leeloo Dallas)
"Fifth Element" (Autowash)
"Fifth Element" (Egypt)
"Fifth Element" (More Chicken)
"Fifth Element" (Black Eyed Peas)
"Parker Lewis Can't Lose"
"Resident Evil" (Trailer)
"Resident Evil" (Human Tetris!)
"Resident Evil" (Behind You)
"Resident Evil" (Clips)
"Resident Evil" (Ending)
"Resident Evil" (Milla Training)
"Resident Evil" (Remix)
Return to the Blue Lagoon
"Ultraviolet" (Trailer)
"Ultraviolet" (Entering the Ministry)
"Ultraviolet" (Clips 1)
"Ultraviolet" (Clips 2)
"Ultraviolet" ("Galang")
"UltraViolet" (Diva song)
"Ultraviolet" (Trance Music)
Ultraviolet/Resident Evil (Miss Murder)
"Ultraviolet" - (Third Eye)
"Zoolander" (Trailer)
Resident Evil/5th Element

Hollywood movies often feature some willowy, overpaid supermodel that has little talent and augmented assets. Ms. Gregarious recently highlighted the LGPPP membership of Milla Jovovich, an un-augmented supermodel and actress that definitely has many extraordinary talents, including the ability to kick some Mangalore ass six ways to sunday (see window above).

Ms. Jovovich can do a lot more than wield a pair of pink pistols with deadly accuracy. Aside from being a supermodel and actress, she is also a musician, singer, song writer and fashion designer. She has released several CDs, and several of her songs are available for free (MP3) on her website. Her single "Rocket Collecting" was featured on the soundtrack for the film "Underworld".

Although usually seen in action heroine roles, she has proven herself as a capable actress in such films as "The Messenger", "Dazed and Confused", "Two Moon Junction", "Chaplin" and "Dummy".

I really enjoyed the independent film "Dummy", but as much as I liked the story and Adrien Brody's acting in the role of a bumbling ventriloquist, I found myself wishing that the film was about Ms. Jovovich's character, Fangora "Fanny" Gurkel. Aside from her role as Leeloo in the film "The Fifth Element", I think that my favorite Jovovich film was "The Messenger".

Milla's Music
"The Alien Song (For Those Who Listen)"
"Gentleman Who Fell"
"There Aint No God For Dogs"
"Left & Right" (Live)
"Going Down"
"It's Your Life"
LGPPP "Resident Evil" Alice Army
Milla Jovovich on Japanese TV
Bathroom dilemma
Milla Jovovich Mini-Biography
Milla Jovovich Montage
Milla Jovovich Maxim Shoot
Leeloo Wannabe (Pole Dancing)

Ms. Jovovich (AKA Katinka Ingabogovinanana) will be acting in an unofficial capacity within the Zaius/Gregarious organization. She will enforce administer our policies in a clandestine straightforward manner, and root out evil-doers wherever they may lurk. Her interrogation techniques investigative skills have recently uncovered sinister ties between Haliburton, Blackwater and the bioengineering pharmaceutical company, the Umbrella Corporation.


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At Thu Sep 27, 07:33:00 AM, Blogger Jess Wundrun said...

Dr. Monkey von Monkerstein came to my house and gave me a haircut while I slept. There weren't even any stray itchy hairs on my pillow when I woke up (he may have eaten them).

Anyway, I look great!

So I was wondering: are you bribing voters in any way, and what would be my take if you are? There is an endorsement floating about......

At Thu Sep 27, 10:07:00 AM, Blogger Germaine Gregarious said...

What a wonderful post. I may just hang here all day at stare at the loveliness of Milla and Jamie.

Or I could go in the spare room where Milla is sleeping, but when she wakes with a start you do NOT want to be around!

At Fri Sep 28, 06:51:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Jess Wundrun: I will tell you the same thing that I told Evil Spock. I am afraid that any paltry bribe, no matter how large or small, would weigh to heavily on our souls and be far to costly for either of us to bear in the long run. To paraphrase John Houseman, the Zaius/Gregarious team acquires their votes the old fashioned way. We earn them. My apologies for any misunderstanding on this point.

Germaine Gregarious: Jamie is delicious, but Milla brings the house down!


She has explosives, and everything.

You are wise not to wake her up. She has been through six alarm clocks this week already. And she has yet to learn how to use the snooze alarm.

At Fri Sep 28, 04:39:00 PM, Blogger SamuraiFrog said...

Huh, I always thought Milla Jovovich was kind of smart. Why she'd want to hitch her wagon to the losing team's beaten-up old mule is beyond me...

At Sat Sep 29, 09:23:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

You're just jealous! Milla is the ginchiest. And she brought her own ammo!


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