Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Monday, September 17, 2007

Zaius/Gregarious: Free Childcare for All!


In a blatant attempt to curry favor As part of my campaign's never-ending attempt to satisfy the needs and desires of the general public, General Ursus and I have decided that my Gorilla Army should perform duties above and beyond their regular duties of rooting out and destroying nests of neconservative mutants worshiping nuclear weapons.

After Ms. Gregarious and I have won the presidential election, my gorilla army will not only focus on protecting and serving the citizens of this fine country, but will also simultaneously be put to work performing free childcare for the hard-working mothers of this nation. This two-pronged plan will not only act as military strategy, but should also help out the plight of mothers everywhere.

Any concerns that you may have as to the ability of a gorilla to take care of your child and protect this nation at the same time should be immediately put to rest. Gorillas are not only great with kids, but they are darn fine marksman! I am sure that any American child with embrace the warm disciplinarian care of my militant gorilla army.

My running mate, Germaine Gregarious has also stated that the members of The Nefarious Lair of the LGPPP vow to help the young mothers of this nation in any way possible.


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At Mon Sep 17, 01:35:00 PM, Blogger SamuraiFrog said...

More promises you don't intend to keep, Zaius? I, for one, would not want the safety of my illegitimate children in the hands of gun-toting gorilla soldiers! But since we all know you won't win the election, I guess there's little worry here.

Good pandering, though.

At Mon Sep 17, 03:47:00 PM, Blogger Jess Wundrun said...

Yes. I accidently ordered one of your surplus fembots for my kids and let's just say that I never have to warn that child that she'll put her eye out. It has been done for her.

At Mon Sep 17, 11:52:00 PM, Blogger Freida Bee said...

One look at Gorgeous G's belt and my kids will be little angels and if they act up, I'll tell them I'll call that ape with the umbrella. This might work. Are you for universal healthcare like Dr. Muckeysteinage?

At Tue Sep 18, 12:50:00 AM, Blogger Splotchy said...

The iSplotchy can handle five kids.


At Tue Sep 18, 06:47:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

SamuraiFrog: Have fun on Mars... The RED planet. >koff< **you commie** ;o)

Jess Wundrun: Trust me, your kids will learn how to handle live ammo and everything! They will even get their own gun. It couldn't be a more caring environment. You have to be careful with those fembot assassins though, especially around the hidden poison capsule/Geiger counter compartment.

Freida Bee: Ah, nobody know how to disciple a human child like a gorilla! Trust me. Of course I am for universal healthcare, and feel that it is important that we get the Republicans on board as well. Many of the important issues today will only be solved by reaching across the aisle. The division in the house and the senate serves FOX news, but not the American people. We have to get back to the real task of running this country, right after George Bush is exposed as a robot that is controlled by Lektroids from Planet 10.

Splotchy: Yes, but the gorillas can teach the kids how to handle live ammunition and eat without using silverware or a napkin. Top that!


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