Election Update for October 2, 2007 - "Ask Me About My Magic Underpants"

 

Dr. Zaius here, with your election update for today. The campaign trail is fraught with many hazards and pitfalls, but in the end the eternal quest for power all boils down to one thing... Mindless prattle!

My running mate, Germaine Gregarious, has been hard at work recruiting new members into the ranks of the LGPPP, with the recent additions of Milla Jovovich, Janeane Garofalo, and Jaime Sommers (AKA The Bionic Woman). Even Christina Aguilera has been pressed into service. Her suggestion for creating a Secretary of Technology is not without merit. I think that I will need a second serving to help decide.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator has chosen his running mate, Fluke Starbucker, Founder of the Jedi Order "Wannabe." Fluke has already discussed the importance of his office, Upgraded his hardware, and Embarked on a tour of the swing states. Rounding off Jon's campaign team is Jan the Intergalactic Intern, a rogue stowaway on Jon's 'Danger Sled'. She is an escapee from Dr. Smith's campaign.

Jon has been having dreams about George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt. Due to the nature of these dreams, Professor Xavier has recommended that Jon have his head dreams examined by Emma Frost. Jon has also come up with some questionable interesting campaign slogans.

In an attempt to throw the campaign's of his rivals askew, Jon has invited all of the candidates to visit a mansion owned by an eccentric millionaire this week.

Dr. Monkerstein is also having some bad dreams. He invited me over to his place to have some delicious Boston cream pie (Mmm! Two slices, please!), and then proceeded to have a series of Mai Tai induced hallucinations in which he and Pauly Shore stole some bananas from Che Guevara, or something like that. (He was not speaking very clearly at the time.) The evil Monkerstein then attempted to steal Jess Wundrun's Blogger Mojo by pulling a "Delilah" on Jess' beautiful tresses. Monkerstein never could hold his liquor.

In the guise of a French maid, Dr. Smith has conducted a month long investigation of all of the candidates, and has the shocking video to prove his disturbing allegations. I warn you, though - this video is not for the faint of heart! Smith's most recent focus on Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator has uncovered hard-hitting facts about the candidate that have cause quite a stir with the main stream media.

After announcing his candidacy, iSplotchy has been spending his days helping out the president at Crawford Ranch. iSplotchy's recent version of the "Begging the Question" Fallacy (an old Republican standby) has been very popular with the bewildered and deluded many Bush supporters. Not to be fooled by iSplotchy's casual appearance, Ms. Gregarious has uncovered his actual purpose.

Although entering the race late into the election cycle, iSplotchy has still mananged to garner a lot of support from his party. Rumors of iSplotchy having an alleged whirlwind romance with Jenna Bush can be neither confirmed or denied.

Pictured here wearing the crushing weight of the military industrial complex, Tony Stark is still looking for a running mate. After turning down two of his fellow Haliburton lobbyists, he has found that Reed Richard's wife wears the pants in the family, and Stark will probably get no support from the religious right.



Samurai Frog now resides on Mars, and has accepted a position as a part-time security guard for Martian comic book conventions. Good luck in your new position!

As the election grows nearer, all of the candidates have been hitting the campaign trail with their own individual forms of rhetoric and innuendo.

Meanwhile, Ms. Greagarious and I have retired to the Ball Room. We are hard at work on our campaign strategy, and preparing for our next adventure.

Bye for now!