Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Monday, October 15, 2007

This Week's GOP Sex Scandal

What's sexier than a former Jerry Falwell employee in an wet suit? A former Jerry Falwell employee in two wet suits, wearing a strategically placed dildo in his rubberized male underpants! Click here to see a brief video of the official GOP reaction to this story by the corporate media.

Gary Aldridge, Former Liberty University graduate, Jerry Falwell employee and senior pastor at the Thorington Road Baptist Church was found dead at his home on June 24. A church member found the body after Aldridge failed to show up show up for 10 a.m. services.

He died of autoerotic asphyxiation.

A preliminary report from the Alabama Department of Forensic Sciences said Aldridge died of asphyxiation -- suffocation. Initial reports by Dr. Stephen Boudreaux, a medical examiner, said there were no injuries to Aldridge's body.

Montgomery County District Attorney Ellen Brooks sealed the case when the official autopsy report conducted by Boudreaux was sent to Forensic Sciences on July 13. Boudreaux received a letter from the district attorney's office instructing him not to release any of his findings.

The story has been covered up by the Montgomery County District Attorney until the website Smoking Gun obtained a copy of the autopsy report:

The decedent is clothed in a diving wet suit, a face mask which has a single vent for breathing, a rubberized head mask having an opening for the mouth and eyes, a second rubberized suit with suspenders, rubberized male underwear, hands and feet have diving gloves and slippers. There are numerous straps and cords restraining the decedent. There is a leather belt about the midriff. There is a series of ligatures extending from the hands to the feet. The hands are bound behind the back. The feet are tied to the hands. There are nylon ligatures holding these in place with leather straps about the wrists and ankles. There are plastic cords also tied about the hands and feet with a single plastic cord extending up to the head and surrounding the lower neck. There is a dildo in the anus covered with a condom.

This is something of an abberation. We all know that if Aldridge had been a "normal" Republican Christian, he would have been performing regular, everyday GOP sexual activities, like propositioning underage boys, servicing hookers, or having some afternoon fun in an airport bathroom.

The wet suit and the dildo may be perfectly normal by Republican standards, but many in the GOP object to Aldridge's usage of a condom for religious reasons.


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At Mon Oct 15, 08:49:00 AM, Blogger Splotchy said...

The man was dedicated, I'll give him that.

At Mon Oct 15, 02:49:00 PM, Blogger Liberality said...

well I feel sorry for him because of the sickness he obviously struggled with. my hubby says that a lot of these nut cases in the church are there because they are trying to restrain their demons inside them and they think that church will help or that it's good cover. but why would a man have to do these kinds of things to himself to obtain sexual gratification? One who obviously is shamed based and thinks sex, especially the homosexual kind, is wrong. He must have hated himself! Isn't that just sad? And the thing is most of them seem to belong to the republican party, huh.

At Mon Oct 15, 03:41:00 PM, Blogger Freida Bee said...

My word, I may have been barking up the wrong tree all these years. It seems the Republicans are the ones having all the kinky sex these days.

At Mon Oct 15, 04:38:00 PM, Blogger Sleestak said...

I'm already at the point where I will never click a warren Ellis link. Now I'm thinking of adding you to the list.

At Mon Oct 15, 08:06:00 PM, Anonymous StonyPillow said...

The Sea Hunt Theme takes on a whole new meaning -- Gary must have been Mike Nelson's unacknowledged son.

At Tue Oct 16, 12:41:00 PM, Anonymous mwb said...

"The hands are bound behind the back. The feet are tied to the hands."

Are these stories missing something?

They keep calling it autoerotic asphyxiation - but unless the man was a contortionist how do you tie your hand together behind your back and to your feet? (Especially given you'd assume he'd want to get out again without help if he was doing this solo.)

It sounds more like he had a partner. Or he had no skeleton, but spinelessness is nothing new to neo-cons I suppose.

At Tue Oct 16, 05:24:00 PM, Blogger Distributorcap said...

with a vanilla sex life ..... i need to convert to Republicanism
gary -- big queen

At Tue Oct 16, 11:33:00 PM, Blogger Swinebread said...

This would be funnier if he hadn't died... but then we might not know about at all...

At Wed Oct 17, 12:25:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Splotchy: dedicated, and probably chafing quite a bit.

Liberality: He was a former Jerry Falwell employee and a Liberty University graduate. I think that it is safe to say that he was very Republican. I would agree that Aldridge must have had some conflicting feeling on certain issues.

Freida Bee: I know! I am sure that the GOP members are often thinking to themselves, "If being a Republican is wrong, I don't want to be right!"

Sleestak: I'm sorry. I had thought that the questionable taste of the subject matter would have been apparent.

StonyPillow: That's great! I haven't heard that theme in years! Thank you. Good eye for recognizing the wet suit. Perhaps wet suits are a hobby of yours? Just joking! ;o)

MWB: Well, the police aren't talking, but I think that the evidence is clear. Gary Aldridge's playtime partner was the Rev. Jerry Falwell's old friend, Tinky Wink!

Distributorcap: Republican's seem to be more creative in the bedroom than I thought!

Swinebread: It's sad that he died. The fact the story was concealed from the public begs for the story to be told, though.

At Wed Oct 17, 06:36:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That picture is aces! Still laughing.


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