Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Holy Crap!


Bear in mind that the author of this does not see any problem with writing as the genuine voice of God in the first person.

My children,

You must continue to cry out for your land. By My mercy and because of your fervent prayers, I have withheld My hand of judgment on the nation. I have allowed a godly man to win the election that the nation might return to Me, but the battle has only just begun. Many were those throughout the world who cried out for America as the election drug on, but few now persist in prayer. Complacency has surely again quickly struck and many have ceased to pray, thinking the battle was won when Bush was declared the winner. To you I say, "No. The true fight has only just begun. Be steadfast in prayer for your nation."
[...]
A significant victory was won in the election, but it was but the first of many battles that shall be waged. Remember the instruction that you received through the election. The real struggle is not in the political realm, but in the spiritual. There shall be victories followed by what seem to be setbacks (attacks and counterattacks). Celebrate the victories, but after them increase your prayer efforts, for the enemy's counterattack shall attempt to steal away the victory. He shall use the voice of deception in an attempt to tarnish the image of the president and discredit him. He shall continue to speak through the voice of the former president, who shall remain in the forefront. Cry out that the lies be exposed and that the eyes of the American people be opened to see the truth. The former first lady shall be a key player, for her desire is to rise to power. They have been given a foothold and would surely lead the nation to ruin were this election not wrested from their clan. Pray for them. There is yet time for them to repent and turn to Me, but their hearts have been gripped by greed and lust and power. Many are those who worship the former first family and have allowed themselves to be deceived by them. Pray that the lies be exposed. Surely shall their fall be great, as is that of each who ascends to power through the works of the evil one. When it occurs do not rejoice, but weep for them as do I over each lost child who strays from Me, for it pains Me to see the suffering they bring upon themselves because of their hardened hearts. Do not cry out for judgment, but rather for mercy, for surely were you, too, once lost and dead in sin.

So then, My children, devote yourselves to prayer for your nation. Meet together with your brothers and sisters to cry out for your land. Persevere in the face of victory and defeat. Stand firm and surely will you behold the fulfillment of all that I have promised. Holy crap! Read this!

Pray for Dick Cheney, too!

My children,

You must continue to persevere in prayer. The enemy is in these days gaining ground because the Body is not heeding My call to pray. You are to pray for your nation and her leaders. Cry out for their protection and health, for their covering. Vice President Cheney has again been admitted to the hospital with heart trouble.

"Why do you not heal him, Lord?" you cry. "Is he not sacrificing of himself in order to serve his nation? Why then do you not heal him?"
[...]
This call issued this day is that you would return to fervent prayer for your land. Devote yourselves to this, and behold, shall she again as one nation boldly confess My name before the world and walk in all to which she has been called. Receive this call. Respond to it. Write it on your hearts and on your minds. Confess to Me when you fail, and cry out that My Spirit would teach you to pray. Though you be the only one of all the earth to truly heed this call and walk in obedience to it, yet shall all that has been promised be fulfilled, for such availeth the fervent prayer of but one righteous man or woman. Be ye one of these, then, My sons and daughters. Be ye one of these. Holy crap! This one is even worse!


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14 Comments:

At Tue Oct 09, 08:58:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I wonder if he'd pray for me or for the millions of people he's killed.

 
At Tue Oct 09, 11:15:00 AM, Blogger Jess Wundrun said...

God's only been faithful for seven years? (The graphic says "celebrating god's faithfulness for seven years)

Guess even God gets the seven year itch.

 
At Tue Oct 09, 12:49:00 PM, Anonymous mwb said...

jess wundrun said: "God's only been faithful for seven years?"

There's a reason its called the "Seven Year Itch."

I hear God's been eyes a new species to have as worshippers, humans are a bit of the "First Wives' Club" now.

 
At Tue Oct 09, 01:56:00 PM, Blogger MichaelBains said...

Sounds to me like a Prince O' Liars has been playin' on teh internets again.

Must be sweeps week, or sumptin.

{-;

 
At Tue Oct 09, 02:34:00 PM, Blogger FranIAm said...

OK I will take my licks here if they come.

As the resident religious person I have a few things to say. Just let me finish puking first.

Ok, there, I am good.

For starters, I don't like to talk about my private spirituality too much but for the record I will state that if I am going to profess my own faith then I must actually pray for these assholes.

Yes I said it that way- sue me. I am being honest. It is the hardest thing for me to do and I struggle with it all the time. I have even written about it when I blog at Street Prophets.

Having said that, I find this whole business here disgusting and disgraceful.

Who can speak in God's voice for starters? And that is a God/Jesus that I have no fecking clue about.

This is a sham, a travesty and the way cults are formed. I loathe the authors of that blog and letter and now I am stuck praying for those assholes too.

Shit, I wish I were a non believer but it just does not work for me.

And no- its not sweeps week, that I can promise you.

Shit this annoys me to death.

 
At Tue Oct 09, 06:38:00 PM, Blogger Liberality said...

Franiam: can totally understand your pain. the Buddha says our best teachers are our enemies, that to practice compassion for those we would rather hate is hard but necessary work. That's what you are getting at...yes?

 
At Tue Oct 09, 07:12:00 PM, Blogger Distributorcap said...

i am praying for george bush

oh yes i am praying......

 
At Tue Oct 09, 08:39:00 PM, Blogger Freida Bee said...

I wonder what would happen if people all over the world held a unified one minute of silence to pray for/ think positive thoughts of W? Do you think he would get it then?

Probably not, but it would still be interesting.

 
At Tue Oct 09, 10:00:00 PM, Anonymous Omnipotent Poobah said...

I'm not happy about these Johnny Come Latelys horning in on my religious turf.

Thunderbolts upon them all!

 
At Wed Oct 10, 12:08:00 AM, Anonymous always interested said...

I think I know what this is. This discourse is in the form of a charismatic reception of prophesy. In any case, I don't know why a prophecy would be so ungrammatical, i.e., "the election drug on". This writing is intended to reach some voters who might otherwise not be motivated enough to vote, or in this world of news a minute, not know how to cast their ballots. ... 'just put you X here...every one counts'

 
At Wed Oct 10, 09:39:00 AM, Blogger angry ballerina said...

This is a joke, right?

 
At Wed Oct 10, 11:51:00 AM, Blogger Mark said...

I'm not a religious primate, but I think that an important aspect of religion, if religion is necessary, would be humility. I don't see any here. So much "cry out" and so little concern for looking inward, what catholics probably call examination of conscience or something. Although, as per Angry Ballerina, I guess it works as a joke.

 
At Wed Oct 10, 09:43:00 PM, Blogger FranIAm said...

Liberality- yes indeed. That is the truth of it all. Finding the heart of compassion where it may be most difficult to find.

This is one I will be trying to surrender to for a very long time.

That said, the wingnuts annoy the daylights out of me, but I slog on...

 
At Thu Oct 11, 12:09:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Dr. Monkerstein: "I wonder if he'd pray for me or for the millions of people he's killed."

I think it depends on how you voted in the last election.

Jess Wundrun: I once had the Seven Year Itch. You know what I did to get rid of it? I scratched real hard, and got rid of it in three and a half!

MWB: It is not that God has his eyes on a new species to recruit as worshippers, but that humans have had their interpretation of God wrong all this time. God is not a kindly old gentleman like Santa Claus. God is an Orangutan! The Lawgiver, in fact. On Christmas, he becomes Orangu-Claus!

MichaelBains: As strange and garbled as the language used in these webpages sound, I can't believe that George Bush could be that coherent. I think he had a ghost writer!

FranIAm: I pray for people like this as well. I pray that the scales fall from their eyes.

I think it is entirely appropriate to write as the voice of God in the first person in certain circumstances, such as in a play or a book - when it is clear to the audience that it is fiction. The only appropriate place for a person to deliver a sermon as the genuine voice of God in the first person is in the loony bin, hopefully awaiting medication, in my opinion.

Liberality: I think that is exactly what she means.

Distributorcap: Me too! I'm praying that George Bush has the same dream that Ebeneezer Scrooge had.

Freida Bee: I don't think that anything would happen to George Bush, but I am sure that FOX News would have an apoplexy!

Omnipotent Poobah: So true, so true. The Poobah abides!

Always Interested: I like your use of language! A "charismatic reception of prophesy..." And the grammar and prose are very tortured! It is rare to see so many words used to stated such a small meaning, not too mention so many commas in a single sentence.

Angry Ballerina: Sadly, no.

Mark: I'm generally pro-God and anti-religion. Unless they are serving cake, in which case I'll have two slices please!

FranIAm: "That said, the wingnuts annoy the daylights out of me, but I slog on..." It would seem that some crosses are harder to bear than others...

 

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