Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Press Coverage of John McCain's Trip to Columbia

 

Posing as a FARC rebel, John McCain tricked a gang of armed desperadoes into handing over 15 hostages during a rescue mission deep in Colombia's unforgiving jungle. Using only a machine gun, a swiss army knife and his constantly wavering political positions, McCain rescued the hostages Wednesday as part of a perfectly executed commando mission.

"I didn't do anything that any real American wouldn't do," said McCain modestly when questioned about his incredible achievement. Members of McCain's staff agreed that the presidential candidate's secret mission was indeed "awesome". Attempts were made to contact the media's ability to seperate fact from fawning, but they were unavailable for questioning at this time.

 

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12 Comments:

At Thu Jul 03, 01:23:00 PM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

...FARC....I'm comin' to get you...

What you call hell, he calls marriage to C-word.

 
At Thu Jul 03, 01:55:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Thanks for making me laugh out loud. Great post!

 
At Thu Jul 03, 02:16:00 PM, Blogger Dean Wormer said...

Using only a machine gun, a swiss army knife and his constantly wavering political positions...

That's how you keep 'em distracted until you can put the death grip on 'em.

 
At Thu Jul 03, 02:43:00 PM, Blogger Spirula said...

In October he will, single-handedly, capture Bin Laden using a spork and a pickled Viet Cong foreskin.

(Oops! Gotta run! Musta been something I ate...)

 
At Thu Jul 03, 03:51:00 PM, Blogger Bradda said...

Man, McCain did alot of pushups in the Hanoi Hilton apparently! That's why he can't raise his arms above his head, too many muscles under the suits! AHA!

 
At Thu Jul 03, 05:04:00 PM, Blogger FranIAm said...

He just told them to Farc off and he called their women words that begin with the letter "C"...

 
At Thu Jul 03, 06:40:00 PM, Blogger Dusty said...

Damn Fran beat me to it! ;p

 
At Thu Jul 03, 06:49:00 PM, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Wait, I thought Farc was a comedy website that featured wacky photoshopped pictures. Why are they taking hostages?

 
At Fri Jul 04, 08:25:00 AM, Blogger mwb said...

Next time on Adventures of the Super Awesome Senator McCain...

While in Latin America Senator McCain slipped into Venezuela and sucked up all their oil into his mighty lungs. Thus liberating our oil from being held hostage underneath the earth of those evil Latin socialists.

 
At Sat Jul 05, 09:27:00 AM, Blogger Übermilf said...

He's making the world safe for globalization.

 
At Sun Jul 06, 10:55:00 AM, Blogger Utah Savage said...

He's also making the world safe for privatization. He and Cheney, who will be his vice presnut, plan to privative the air and sell it back to the Venezuelans.

 
At Mon Jul 07, 07:03:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Randal Graves: Ha! A marriage of convenient means, to be sure. ;o)

Dr. Monkerstein: Thanks, Dr. Monkerstein!

Dean Wormer: McCain's death grip is six ways to awesome! His staff members will attest to this.

Spirula: Hee hee! I love sporks!

Bradda: That's kind of a mean thing to say, actually. McCain's service to his country is very real and tangible, even if he is a major moron now. :o)

FranIAm: Yep! McCain loves women voters! Just not their viewpoints...

Dusty: Hee hee!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator: Hmm... The Columbian link to wacky photoshopped pictures seems to be deeper than previously suspected...

MWB: Ack! He lives and breathes his oily lobbyist supporters!

Übermilf: Yay! That's the spirit! Screw the American worker!

Utah Savage: I wonder if we can sell bottled hot air to the Republicans? Oh, wait! That's what the MSM does every day!

 

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