Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Monday, June 30, 2008

Senators Vitter and Craig Bring New Life to the Marriage Protection Amendment


Two Republican Senators, Larry Craig (R-ID) and David Vitter (R-LA) have teamed up to co-sponsor the Marriage Protection Amendment in order to save the country from it's own sinful gayness. If passed, the bill would amend the Constitution to declare that marriage "shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman."

It is only fitting that dynamic duo of far-right Republicans have taken it upon themselves to act as defenders of the sanctity of marriage, as both Senators have been implicated in extramarital sexual activity in the past. Sen. Vitter hired prostitutes to have sex with him while he wore diapers, and Sen. Craig as arrested for soliciting gay sex an airport men's room. No wait, that's not right... Sen. Craig pled guilty and was convicted for soliciting gay sex an airport men's room.

In light of this recent development, let's not forget this important piece of the legislation that Senator David "Hurricane_Katrina-isn't-happening" Vitter felt fit to thrust upon the American public last year. Sen. Vitter introduced an amendment to a lobbying reform bill that would have required grassroots causes, even bloggers, to register and report quarterly to Congress, the same as the big K Street lobbyists.

"Section 220 would amend existing lobbying reporting law by creating the most expansive intrusion on First Amendment rights ever." For the first time in history, critics of Congress will need to register and report with Congress itself." [ 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ] The bill would have allowed the rounding up and imprisoning of non-registered political writers. Non-registered political bloggers who criticized the government would have faced prison if Sen. Vitter's amendment had been made law.

My favorite Sen. Craig story is still Tucker Carlson's reaction [ 2 ] to Larry's wide stance on bathroom politics. There are also some amusing stories of Sen. Craig's personal dealings with Washington voters. [ 2 ]

Just a quick reminder: the Republican National Convention will be held only seven miles west of the airport restroom that Sen. Larry Craig's 'wide stance' was arrested in. I'm guessing that the GOP's convention-goers will be kind of jittery at the airport bathroom as the Republican congress flies in to the convention. (I think it's gonna be touch and go!)


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At Mon Jun 30, 08:33:00 AM, Blogger Germaine Gregarious said...

You know, the poster children for diseases are not healthy kids but those who actually suffer from the malady.

Perhaps because these two suffer in the ways they have, only they can introduce this important legislation.

Ha! ha! I've dropped my own laptop due to the giggles.

At Mon Jun 30, 10:22:00 AM, Blogger Omnipotent Poobah said...

"Vitter felt fit to thrust upon"

That makes me sooo hot.

At Mon Jun 30, 11:18:00 AM, Blogger Dean Wormer said...

It does fit my personal belief that this anti-gay stuff comes from a very screwed up sense of self-loathing.

These are not guys comfortable in their own skins.

At Mon Jun 30, 11:29:00 AM, Blogger FranIAm said...

Oh dear - that reminded me of this.

These are sad times indeed! I mean when a man cannot sit and tap, well all personal freedom is lost!

At Mon Jun 30, 11:48:00 AM, Blogger Übermilf said...

It's okay to be gay as long as you have a deviant lifestyle.

But when you try to be loving and monogamous and stable...

Well, we can't have THAT!

At Mon Jun 30, 12:28:00 PM, Blogger Spirula said...

Okay. Time to incorporate their names into the lexicon of American euphemisms, sort of along the line of Munsoned.

"Hey honey, will you check the babies Vitter? He's become eerily quiet and I think I smell something".

"Could you get someone from maintenance to fix one of the Craigs in the men's room? Not sure exactly what happened, but I think someone took a thundercrap."

At Mon Jun 30, 01:22:00 PM, Blogger Utah Savage said...

Reading your terrificly wicked post was one treat. But reading your comments thread has given me even more pleasure, laugh-wise. Thanks for the memories.

At Mon Jun 30, 02:27:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

They look so happy together in that first picture.

At Mon Jun 30, 07:11:00 PM, Blogger DCup said...

I've never seen a couple so in love.

At Tue Jul 01, 07:41:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Germaine Gregarious: I like your theory, except one little thing. I don't think that they are the ones that are suffering, we are the ones that are suffering!

Ack! Is your pooter OK?

Omnipotent Poobah: Artistic license on my part. My bad!

Dean Wormer: Yep, I agree. And all of that self-loathing comes from the dichotomy created by their own conflicting desires and inhibitions.

FranIAm: I love that! I saw it on Keith Olberman. Larry Craig has been immortalized!

Übermilf: These guys are so screwed up, no wonder their Republicans!

Spirula: Ha! I like it. As long as I don't have to change the kitty Vitter!

Utah Savage: Gosh, thanks Utah Savage! You are very kind.

Dr. Monkerstein: I agree! It's almost like a Hallmark moment. **sniff**

DCup: I know! It's like Cheney and Haliburton all over again!

At Tue Jul 01, 11:33:00 PM, Blogger BAC said...

I had to laugh when I heard about this. Nice photo.


At Wed Jul 02, 08:27:00 AM, Blogger mwb said...

Senator Craig is innocent, he was doing his job as "Official Penis Inspector."

A highly coveted post amongst conservative Republicans. I understand the auditions can be quite grueling.

At Wed Jul 02, 12:51:00 PM, Blogger Madam Z said...

The happy couple won't have to rent a hotel room for their honeymoon. Any public bathroom will do quite nicely!

At Thu Jul 03, 09:50:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

BAC: It's hilarious! Those wacky Republicans, what will they think of next!?!?!

MWB: Wow! Is that true? Maybe I can get a job as the "Official Chocolate Cake and Ice Cream Inspector"! I would even bring my own silverware.

Madam Z: Ha! Despite the decor, think of all of the money they will save!


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