Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Time Travel With Dr. Zaius

 
No time for blogging today! I have several errands to run throughout the centuries, and I am afraid that I may not be back until last week.

Ack! I had better slow down. By my reckoning, my present reverse causation matrix will collapse if I don't dampen my transdimensional hyper-transversion relameter pretty soon.

Jeepers! Time travel sure is fraught with a lot of annoying details and fiddly bits!


By all outward appearances, time travel would seem to be quite simple...


But what is simple in theory can grow quite complex in practice... Time is not merely a nonspatial continuum in which events occur in irreversible succession from the past through the present into the future. The temporal coil is neither immutable nor concrete. Time is actually very much like toothpaste, only a whole lot squishier!


One must be cautious though, because the deep paradoxes that can be caused by even the most minor interference of the major schemata of causality can lead to some very nasty and irreversible alternate timelines.


On the other hand, time travel in not without it's fringe benefits!


And remember - if you are going to use the Flux Capacitor method of temporal transportation, you will need plenty of D cell batteries to produce the 1.21 gigawatts necessary to create the hyperdimensional rift in the inner vortex of the wormhole umbilicus. Watch out for those pesky Hasslein curves!
 

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19 Comments:

At Wed Jul 01, 06:33:00 PM, Blogger ZIRGAR said...

The future will have been perfect.

 
At Wed Jul 01, 08:09:00 PM, Blogger Tengrain said...

Of course, now it all seems so simple. I forgot to carry the 2.

Regards,

Tengrain

 
At Thu Jul 02, 01:57:00 AM, Blogger daveawayfromhome said...

Having a time machine means never having to say you havent got enough time.

On the other hand, if I had one, I'd probably use up my whole 73-year average lifespan up in about 3 years.

 
At Thu Jul 02, 06:48:00 AM, Blogger Rehctaw said...

Firesign time travel requires only that you place your finger on your place in the script, fade your voice out then flip backwards through the script.

Ta Da.

Primative sure, but effective for radio.

First Class time travel requires a TARDIS.

 
At Thu Jul 02, 08:08:00 AM, Blogger Übermilf said...

Yeah. You're no Doctor.

 
At Thu Jul 02, 08:43:00 AM, Blogger dguzman said...

This is almost as complicated as Matty Boy's Wednesday Math stuff!

Can't I just take a nap and dream that I went back in time?

 
At Thu Jul 02, 10:26:00 AM, Blogger Dean Wormer said...

That graphic is awesome, zaius!

I want a time travelling Delorean that runs on banana peels too.

 
At Thu Jul 02, 11:10:00 AM, Blogger Mr. Natural said...

What I like bestest is the way-groovy steampunkish time machine animated graphic! I don't actually have TIME for such travel, but am happy to see that some can utilise it over the holiday weekend!

 
At Thu Jul 02, 12:40:00 PM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

An entire post about time travel and not ONE shot of Raquel Welch? What did one million BC ever do to you?

 
At Thu Jul 02, 04:32:00 PM, Blogger Darwin's Dagger said...

Time Traveling Orangutans would be a good name for a band.

 
At Thu Jul 02, 05:23:00 PM, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

You need more red matter, I think.

 
At Thu Jul 02, 11:32:00 PM, Blogger susan said...

“There is the theory of the moebius. A twist in the fabric of space where time becomes a loop, from which there is no escape. When we reach that point, whatever happened will happen again.”

- Lieutenant Commander Worf

Does that mean Reagan will be back?
Gaaaaah!

Great visuals.

 
At Fri Jul 03, 08:37:00 AM, Blogger FranIAm said...

Where is the dramamine? I don't feel so good. It must have been that hellacious turn towards 1976 that did me in.

 
At Fri Jul 03, 12:28:00 PM, Blogger Jang-chub Ozer said...

"Ack! I had better slow down. By my reckoning, my present reverse causation matrix will collapse if I don't dampen my transdimensional hyper-transversion relameter pretty soon."

Sounds like someone's misplaced their sonic screwdriver.

“There is the theory of the moebius. A twist in the fabric of space where time becomes a loop, from which there is no escape. When we reach that point, whatever happened will happen again.”

- Lieutenant Commander Worf

Blast, a chronic hysteresis!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/classic/episodeguide/meglos/detail.shtml

 
At Fri Jul 03, 08:13:00 PM, Blogger ThoughtCriminal said...

I'm back from August, 2008 where I convinced John McCain to select Sarah Palin as a running mate. I'm back now - how did it work out?

 
At Sat Jul 04, 07:29:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Zirgar: The future was great, but I'm really looking forward to the past as well!

Tengrain: I know what you mean. The worst part of time travel is all that pesky math!

daveawayfromhome: It's funny how crowded your favorite parts of the timeline can become. Watch out for those pesky Hasslein curves!

Blogger Rehctaw: Is that how they do it on Firesign Theater? I thought it was the spooky sound effects! Who has a Tardis?

Übermilf: Indeed I am, madam. I would be glad to give you a lobotomy to prove it...

Dguzman: We all have our time machines, don't we. Those that take us back are memories... And those that carry us forward, are dreams. ;o)

Dean Wormer: Thanks, Dean Wormer! The problem with a time traveling Delorean that runs on banana peels is it gets mighty slippery around the time curves!

Mr. Natural: Thanks, Mr. Natural! I am still trying to figure out how to use this pesky animation program... Maybe I can go into the future for help!

Randal Graves: I shall post something soon about Raquel Welch that should please you. :o)

Darwin's Dagger: Ha! That's a great name for a band!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator: Ah, but it is the chocolate cake and ice cream matter that really matters! ;o)

susan: Ack! Zombie Ronald Reagan! It's too horrible to even imagine...

FranIAm: Time machines always act kind of funny during the disco era... ;o)

Jang-chub Ozer: I never did like that megalomaniacal xerophyte Meglos. Zolfa-Thuraians are such party poopers!

ThoughtCriminal: Good work, ThoughtCriminal! Now, can you get her to run for president in 2012? :o)

 
At Sun Jul 05, 02:49:00 AM, Blogger Odile said...

Finally someone who really can show me the way the time travels works

 
At Sun Jul 05, 09:55:00 AM, Blogger Freida Bee, MD said...

"Marky Mark"

Now, I understand everything.

 
At Sun Jul 05, 10:42:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Odile: Indeed! Come by last week and I'll give you a demonstration!

Freida Bee, MD: You were the only one that got the Marky Mark joke! The actor Mark "Don't call me Marky Mark!" Wahlberg played Charleton Heston's role in the awful remake of "Planet of the Apes". You are truly a very discerning individual! ;o)

 

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