Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

There is only one real reason to truly love Valentine's day...

Did you ever notice that Valentine's Day and venereal disease have the same initials? Well, another V word has entered the holiday's vocabulary. Viaga! Viagra is now sold over the counter in the UK, starting this Valentine's Day! And they say that romance is dead. It's not dead, it just needs a little help from the big drug companies. (With Viagra in our Valentine's chocolate, can Viagra laced mistletoe be far off?)

Over at Spin of the Day they discuss how the flower industry is creating the same sort of fake video news release that the president has been using, which begs the question - won't it be a lot more economical when corporations and the government are merged? Then the news industry can get their content from one source.

Artist and animator Laura A. Dalesandro makes a plea for over-consumption with her delightful image of two french elephants, titled "Don't forget to eat tons of chocolate!" I think that this may be a new symbol for the compassionate conservative that has everything, and still wants more.

According to, you should buy "Green" gifts for Valentine's Day, and "The solution for responsible consumers is Fair Trade cocoa and chocolate." I can you feel the romance in the air already.

Valentine's Day is not without it's naysayers in the blogovillage, with posts and articles named "Valentine's Day: What is the point?" and "Have a Crappy Valentine's Day." This video, "I Hate You Deeply," is actually is very comprehensive.

My favorite title of a post amongst those that disliked V-Day, though, was "Valentines Day And Its Relation to Optimus Prime" by Xxoozero. A passage in the beginning describes Valentine's Day in grade school, "You know how you used to buy an entire pack of Transformers Valentine's cards and there would be only one Optimus Prime? You give that one to someone special. You expect something special in return." Unfortunately the title was about the only thing I liked about the post, the rest of the story was kind of pointless and crude.

Caution! is going to destroy any relationship a guy has that is brain-dead enough to follow their instructions, "How to celebrate Valentine's Day without spending any money." Don't do it! Your wife is gonna go Quail-Hunting-Cheney on you faster than you can say "I didn’t mean to be so insensitive and I’m checking into therapy right now."

the Omnipotent Poobah has a great list o' links called "Valentine Randomness," that you will just have to check out yourself. Might I suggest the "Damn You Cupid!" with a side of restraining order generator for starters. And for dessert, is offering candy in two flavors this year, "Dejected" and "Dysfunctional."

Angelina Jolie Watch tells it's readers that "You too can spend Valentines Day with Brad Pitt!" Apparently Nick at Night is running a Growing Pains marathon on Valentine's Day. (Brad Pitt was on a TV show?) "There’s no need to be jealous of Angelina Jolie for spending time with Brad on Valentine's Day!" The message expressed is that because your fantasy love life with Angelina Jolie is unrequited, you should spend Valentine's Day with Brad Pitt to get even with her. Or to make her jealous. Or something like that. I just think that life is getting just a little too complicated when our worship and adulation of celebrities gets that convoluted, especially if the whole complex fantasy scenario is being directed by someone else. Just a thought...

Perhaps the most frightening thing I have seen this season is the "Valentines Day widget" by Widgets Lab. A flash animation heart has three little swirly star things, and your intended gets to click on one of them to get her prize. "You get to add three wishes with links to whatever you wish for," the ad copy states. You get to choose from three insipid styles, "Heart, Heart with Roses or Chocolate Heart." (Maybe this whole internet thing wasn't such a good idea. Curse you, Al Gore!)

There is only one real reason to truly love Valentine's day, and that is because for the whole day you get to do imitations of Pepé Le Pew! Bone up on your bastardized French with these classic cartoons: [ 1, 2, 3 ] (I am zee YouTuber of love, no?)

Pepé Le Pew

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