Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Election Update for July 25th, 2007 - "The Snot Calls the Booger Wet!"

Hello! Dr. Zaius here with your latest update on the most recent election news.

After Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator announced his selection of Professor Xavier as his campaign manager, he managed to slip in a few choice words about each of the candidates.

Jon also explained some of the difficulties a candidate might face in getting one's message out to the people through campaign material.

Sleestak seems to be resorting to a scientific method of finding a running mate, with some interesting results.

Dr. Smith reports that the recent news of the death of Samurai Frog are greatly exagergated, and that the frog is in fact a zombie Undead American. Dr. Smith also seems to have some political news about each of the candates as well.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein has continued to torture animals and humans with his insidious Mind Control Fez Technology Research.

And I have been hard at work solving the global warming crisis with my crack team of scientific advisors.

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At Wed Jul 25, 12:10:00 PM, Blogger Julie O. said...

This is shaping up to be the best fictional Presidential race ever, though this may be a tough act to follow:

"... the rally is going smoothly until it's interrupted by a man claiming to be a member of the Left Wing of Justice with explosives strapped to his vest. He has a megaphone and begins to shout that the candidate, C. Jacob Cartwright, will bring America into ruin and then proceeds to jump off a building. Flash is able to prevent the jumper from blowing everyone up by throwing campaign buttons up into the air at high velocities to help snap the vest off. What the Flash didn't count on was explosives in the megaphone so the jumper still dies."

At Wed Jul 25, 12:27:00 PM, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Did you say crack team of advisors or hack team of advisors?

At Wed Jul 25, 05:44:00 PM, Anonymous Dr. Smith said...

The ravings of felonious furry fiend are not taken seriously by those who truly count - the American People!

At Wed Jul 25, 10:06:00 PM, Blogger Jess Wundrun said...

Which candidate will allow me to wallow in the misery of celebutantes Hilton and Lohan?

I mean, if serious progressives take over the country the national dialogue will be all, like, healthcare and bring home vets and shit.

I just wanna know who's clubbin, baby!

At Thu Jul 26, 09:31:00 AM, Blogger Phydeaux Speaks said...

Greetings, "Doctor". Surprised to hear from me? I would think so, due to the fact that you - and your evil co-conspirators, Sleestak and Monkerstein - have attempted to take me out!

You were so certain your evil plan would work that you have neglected to even mention me!

Ha, I say! HA!!!

At Thu Jul 26, 11:03:00 AM, Blogger GETkristiLOVE said...

But, do you approve this message?

At Thu Jul 26, 12:27:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Julie O.: Ack! That link is pretty scary!

Pied Piper, good friend of the Flash and former villain who has hung up his costume to do good in the world, namely through work in the gay community. [...]

As O’Neill, he plans to assassinate Cartwright--who at this point is President-Elect--and use his political power to get rid of superheroes and anyone else he despises (including homosexuals). [...]

With Pied Piper bound to a bed and out of the way, the Top dons one of the Mirror Master's illusion creating devices in order to take on the appearance of Piper while he assassinates the President-Elect. [...]

Holy crap! Who writes this stuff? Dick Cheney?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator: I said that I have read that hearing loss is the first sign of losing ones ability to reason clearly. Did you hear that?

Dr. Smith: *Yawn.* Oh, Dr. Smith. Go back to your little robot and leave me in peace.

Jess Wundrun: I am all about wallowing in the misery of celebutantes! See here and here. I am way ahead of you on this one! Who is clubbing with your favorite celebutante? Dr. Zaius, of course!

Phydeaux Speaks: I did not mention you sir, because not post any campaign material. Winning in politics is like winning the lottery. You actually have to buy a ticket first. Good day, sir. Good day.

GETkristiLOVE: OK, I'll bite. Which message? I approve all messages that originate from Zaius Nation. I merely report on the rest like a dutiful journalist poodle dog.


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