Election Update for August 14th, 2007 - 'Cooking Up a Delicious Plate of Crow'

 

Sleestak is being stalked by a serial killer in downtown Miami! See if you can guess who the killer is by watching this dramatic video! Also, Sleestak gets his campaign message out about what real Americans in America know to be sacred and truly American!



Jess Wundrun reports that Dr. Monkerstein was captured in downtown Madison, WI earlier in the week. Dr. Monkerstein reportedly bit a bystander outside State Street Brats. Authorities spent hours searching the State Street area for Dr. Monkerstein, who was wearing a diaper at the time of his arrest. His companion, Senator David Vitter (R-LA) had already fled the area. Jess also has exclusive photograhic evidence of Monkerstein's incarceration.



Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator has a Campaign Strategy Meeting with Professor Xavier that reveals quite a bit about his leadership abilities, as well as the Professor's future political aspirations. He also has another Man of Action Campaign Update, and attempts to reach a younger audience. (A much younger audience.)

After a recent failed suicide attempt, Samurai Frog has made blundered into another failed attempt to discredit me. He has also dug up some more dirt on Dr. Smith.

After photographs surfaced of Dr. Smith's first date with Marcia Brady, his running mate, his campaign attempted to obfuscate some of the negative press he received by releasing his own snarky information about his opponents.

Dr. Smith has also made an interesting choice for his new campaign manager, and has recently added a bodyguard.

Dr. Monkerstein attempted to discredit global warming and argues for lowering corporate taxes, and explains why he embraces Communism and hates macrame.



And I, your humble servant, brought you news of Samurai Frog's botched suicide and the possible downfall of Dr. Smith's campaign at the hands of his opponent running mate Marcia Brady.