Election Update for October 16, 2007 - "I Am Neither For Nor Against Apathy"

Good day, voters! Dr. Zaius here, with your election update for today. My scientific team and I are just finishing up putting my bevy of beautiful fembot assassins through some rigorous exploding bikini testing. The campaign trail is fraught with many hazards and pitfalls, but in the end the eternal quest for power all boils down to one thing... Mindless prattle!

My running mate, Germaine Gregarious, has been hard at work spreading our message of a new hope for this nation. In response to a meme delivered personally by the lovely Ms. Freida Bee, she discusses seven of the many reasons to vote for her. Delicious!

With the aid of the many spies in the corporate espionage division of the LGPPP, Ms. Gregarious has revealed the failed and dangerous technologies of ENCOM, a division of the Yoyodyne Corporation. In response to Germaine Gregarious' warnings about ENCOM and despite the fact that Homeland Security has classified ENCOM as a threat to national security, Yoyodyne has issued some official talking points for their media whores pundits.

In between playtime sessions with Judy and Penny Robinson, Dr. Smith has dug up the dirt on Dr. Monkerstein and Evil Spock, as well as revealing one of the evil doctor's involving Abdul Alhazed's Necronomicon. Cthulhu alert!

Dr. Smith has also revealed his solution to the scourge of the giant Jimmy Olsen robots that are decimating our airwaves. America beware! These massive cub reporters are attempting to control the mainstream media!

In response to the magic underpants and abject jingoism of Mitt Romney's campaign, Sleestak has been suffering from Old Glory envy.

Now rubbing elbows with the likes of Fred Thompson© and Garfield the Cat, Sleestak is about to re-enter the world of the Hollywood elite. Yoyodyne has issued an official response to Sleestak that may quell some of the Sleestak fervor the nation is expressing right now.

The validity of iSplotchy's candidacy for the president of the United States, as his origins seem to have come into question. He is apparently an illegal alien! Lou Dobbs has already been contacted.

ENCOM has been experimenting with some different forms of advertising for iSplotchy. With the help of it's corporate masters, yet another candidate has succumbed to the seductive power of myspace.com.

In a surprise move, ENCOM has issued a software upgrade that they claim gives more functionality to consumers.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator and his intern, Jan Brady, have been spotted hitting all of the anime clubs in Tokyo, singing karaoke and spreading freedom. Jon has gained some points with the public by sharing some of his intergalactic exercise tips, but a recent intergalactic press conference did not go as well as planned, and an intergalactic scandal has ensued.

Jon's jovial Jedi running mate, Fluke Starbucker, has been hitting the Nesbitian campaign train. Watch out, Ted Stevens!

So far each of the candidate's reaction to Jon's invitation to a haunted house has gone untold, but I have a feeling that the truth shall be fully revealed as Halloween draws closer...

No shrinking violet to the pressing flesh on the campaign trail, Dr. Monkerstein has been lending the personal touch to his bid for the White House.

After Al Gore was awarded the Nobel Prize, Dr. Monkerstein has also finally been getting the recognition and accolades that he so richly deserve. Dr. Monkerstein has also been wasting hard-earned taxpayer dollars on failed ENCOM technology, has had a heart to heart with his namesake, and revealed that he is both pro abstinence and pro AIDS.

Meanwhile, the voters are really only left with one sound choice, Zaius/Gregarious in '08!