Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Friday, February 15, 2008

John McCain is so Old...


He's so old he farts dust!
He still owes Moses a dollar!
his memory is in black & white!
He drove a chariot to high school!
He left his false teeth on Noah's Ark!
He took his drivers test on a dinosaur!
He waterboarded the Boston Tea Party!
I've seen stale raisins with less wrinkles!
Vultures constantly circle his senate seat!
He's so old his social security number is 1!
He gave a tax cut to Fred Flintstone's boss!
He's so old he's got Adam and Eve's autograph!
He's so old he sat behind Jesus in the third grade!
the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to his gym locker!
He's so old he was co-author of the Dead Sea scrolls!
He's so old his birth certificate is in Roman numerals!
He's so old archaeologists found cave drawings of him!
He's so old he has a picture of Moses in his yearbook!
He remembers when the Grand Canyon was just a ditch!
If he was a car, it would be time to roll back his odometer!
He's so old he knew Burger King when he was still a prince!
He needed orthopedic shoes when Jesus was still in diapers!
When he gave his first speech, they timed him with a sundial!
When he watched Jurassic Park, it was like family reunion to him!
He's so old, It looks like the Wrinkle Fairy tap-danced on his face!
He's so old that when he was in school there was no history class!
He's so old that somebody bid on him on the "Antiques Road Show"!
When congress asked to see his birth certificate, he handed them a rock!
Airport workers ask to check his bags... and he's not carrying any luggage!
He's so old the fire department is on standby when they light his birthday cake!
He's so old he was the one who flicked the switch when god said "let there be light!"

(This is in response to Randal Grave's post on the same subject.)

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At Fri Feb 15, 01:24:00 PM, Blogger Randal Graves said...


At Fri Feb 15, 02:35:00 PM, Blogger Dean Wormer said...

What are you trying to say about McCain?

You need to make the thesis of your post clearer.


At Fri Feb 15, 03:22:00 PM, Blogger Madam Z said...

Your apeness is without peer!
I am agape at your apeness!
Others may ape your apeness, but they cannot match it.
Tarzan would kneel at your ape feet.
If you had starred in "King Kong," Fay Wray would have screamed in ecstasy, instead of terror.
You are the ape of my dreams.

At Fri Feb 15, 04:27:00 PM, Anonymous Omnipotent Poobah said...

"John McCain is so old..."
he's a valuable antique side table"

Really, swing by a yard sale sometime, you'll see.

At Fri Feb 15, 05:23:00 PM, Blogger Comrade Kevin said...

How old is he?

At Fri Feb 15, 08:19:00 PM, Blogger FranIAm said...


Apishly brilliant!

At Sat Feb 16, 08:28:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

man what can I say but that is seriously old

At Sat Feb 16, 12:56:00 PM, Blogger Wyldth1ng said...


At Sat Feb 16, 03:50:00 PM, Blogger Westcoast Walker said...

I wonder what size font they use on his teleprompter?

At Sat Feb 16, 03:52:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Randal Graves: Exactly.

Dean Wormer: I guess that I did manage to lose the point of the article, but perhaps the reader will manage to understand the thrust of the piece if they read the footnotes.

Madam Z: :o) Jeepers, Madam Z! You make me feel all warm and gooshy inside!

Omnipotent Poobah: Indeed! The price has been reduced due to his wobbly legs and poor finish.

Comrade Kevin: 71, going on loopy.

FranIAm: Why thank you, FranIAm!

Hotstuff: Yep. He's got one foot in the grave error, if you ask me.

Wyldth1ng: Hey! I am so glad that you are back in the USA! Welcome home.

At Sat Feb 16, 03:54:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Westcoast Walker: Oops! I almost missed you! I think he has never graduated past cue cards.

At Sat Feb 16, 10:25:00 PM, Blogger BAC said...

How very funny!


At Sun Feb 17, 08:28:00 PM, Anonymous Kvatch said...

I'm kinda expecting he'll cack during the final months of the campaign, and then what? Only Dr. Zaius knows!

At Sun Feb 17, 11:08:00 PM, Blogger Mauigirl said...

LOL, both you and Randal are very good! Thanks for a great post!

His age, incidentally, is a reason to look very carefully at who he picks as VP.

At Mon Feb 18, 08:22:00 PM, Blogger Distributorcap said...

is he as old as a witch's tit?

At Tue Feb 19, 03:59:00 PM, Blogger dguzman said...


At Wed Feb 20, 06:23:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

BAC: Thanks! I stole all of the jokes, of course.

Kvatch: That would an odd event for the GOP. It would be like a meataphor for their policies!

Mauigirl: Thanks, Maui Girl! If he picks Romney as his VP, then we are in deep doo doo! (McCain will never win though.)

Distributorcap: No, but he is as cold as one. ;o)

dguzman: Thanks! :o)

At Wed Feb 20, 11:39:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

But, McCain says he's the "Straight Talk Express!"

Except for all the times he lied and pandered to the Religious Right and Neo-Cons, and stray people walking down the street....


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