Bristol Palin has successfully shed her image as a jilted unwed mother.
Through the magical gullibility of Republican voters and the mainstream medias' ability to completely suspend their viewers' disbelief, Bristol Palin has been miraculously transformed into... the Abstinence Fairy!
Faster than a speeding condom...
More powerful than raging teenage hormones...
Able to leap her Mom's hypocrisy in a single bound!
Look! Up in the sky!
It's a bird. It's a plane. It's the Abstinence Fairy!
This blessed event has brought the famous mother-daughter team closer together than ever.
So check your local listings for Bristol Palin's next exciting television appearance...
She has an important message for you!
Meanwhile, the Huffington Post Fairy is still trying to destroy America.