Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Dating Tips with Dr. Zaius

Here is a handy dating tip for women. When entertaining a young man, it is important that you know his political party. The way in which you and your potential suitor communicate with each other can be of great significance.

Dating Tips
If your new boyfriend is a Republican, he sides himself with a party that historically pro-rich, and has nothing but disdain for the poor and middle class. Republicans are like minded, and they all agree on everything. (They have to agree, or they will be ostracized from the party.) You may find it difficult to discuss any subject that does not center around the accumulation of wealth and the hatred of those that are not rich.

Dating Tips
On the other hand, Democrats are very liberal minded and open to many different viewpoints. When dating democrats, you are far more likely to meet a diverse and multi-cultural swath of possible suitors. A wide range of variation in the qualities or attributes of a liberal suitor are actually encouraged by the Democratic party, and no one is excluded. You may find that many liberals are markedly different from the average Republican, or even contrast conspicuously from each other.

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10 Comments:

At Wed Jun 13, 04:29:00 PM, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Then my wife and I must be Democrats because we don't have any money.

You'd think Intergalactic Gladiating would pay better...

 
At Wed Jun 13, 04:36:00 PM, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Oh and thanks for the 'roll. This is literally the best political-slash-pop culture blog run by a highly evolved and well-schooled (at least I assume well schooled, I don't know where your degree is from) ape from thee future that I've ever seen.

 
At Wed Jun 13, 07:43:00 PM, Blogger angry ballerina said...

I'll keep this and other things in mind when I screen for boyfriends.

 
At Wed Jun 13, 10:06:00 PM, Blogger Evil Spock said...

What about Fascist like Evil Spock?

 
At Thu Jun 14, 01:23:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator: you said: ...my wife and I must be Democrats because we don't have any money. Ah, political affiliation by default! The best kind, and least objectionable I might add. I am not sure what the going rate is for Intergalactic Gladiation these days... Perhaps you could join my gorilla army? Except they don't tolerate humans very well... Usually they use humans for target practice, you see.

I know that you visit the fine blog Lady, That's My Skull. Clearly that is probably the best Sleestak and Hayley Mills website that also features comic books in the whole world. All of my degrees are from Ape City, except one that I got in the midwest. (I had to bribe the guard.)

Angry Ballerina: Yes, you can't be too careful. You never know when you might run into a neocon with a false agenda disguised as a respectable hippy.

Evil Spock: Everything has shifted so far to the right in the last ten years, a fascist is actually to the left of a Republican. Welcome to the Democrats, Evil Spock!

 
At Thu Jun 14, 08:32:00 AM, Blogger angry ballerina said...

Screw hippies. I bet they taste good.

 
At Thu Jun 14, 09:25:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Indeed, they do taste good. Like candy floss and the forgotten dream of a million summers. (Unfortunately, they also taste kind of like petrouli oil.)

You may be tempted to eat a hippie with a knife and fork, but use a spoon - you will want to get every drop.

 
At Thu Jun 14, 10:09:00 AM, Blogger Brando said...

Loved the images. And LOL at what hippies taste like.

 
At Thu Jun 14, 11:10:00 AM, Blogger angry ballerina said...

What about the brains?

 
At Thu Jun 14, 11:52:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Brando: Thank you, sir! I really liked your latest post about Mitt Romney. Ha!

angry ballerina: Hippies have no brains, only a heart of purest gold.

 

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