Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Cindy McCain is a Wealthy Neocon of the People

Sen. John McCain's wife, Cindy

Sen. John McCain's wife, Cindy was in the news today when her "McCain Family Recipes" for Ahi tuna, rosemary chicken and farfalle pasta that were posted on Sen. McCain's election website turned out to have been lifted from (copied word for word, in fact) from the Food Network website.

"Apparently a Web intern added the Food Network to our policy team without her knowing it," McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds deadpanned yesterday. "He was swiftly dealt with, and the page is down for revision."

It would seem that the intern got the recipes that have been handed down for generations from the head chefs for the McCain family household accidently mixed up with the recipes on the Food Network website. There is still some question as to how this could have happened, but further clarification on this point is not possible at this time as the intern in question is still in a coma after an unfortunate on-the-job accident.

Sen. John McCain's wife, Cindy Antoinette

What is being overlooked in these reports is the background story of Cindy McCain herself. As heiress to an enormous fortune, she is guaranteed to to garner the support and win over the hearts of Middle American voters in much the same way that Paris Hilton does. Her wealth can also be a huge political asset to Sen. McCain, as she can easily afford to buy and sell many local election officials.

Cindy McCain is also the chair of Hensley & Co., one of the largest Anheuser-Busch distributors in the nation. Think about it - What could capture the attention of male voters more than a blonde who makes beer?

Sen. John McCain's wife, Cindy

Voters are entranced with the creepy and unnatural youthful appearance of the Senator's wife, but this is only a superficial observation. Cindy McCain's natural beauty is more than skin deep, she is also a very spiritual person...

Within her zombie heart Cindy McCain is a committed Stockbroker for Jesus, an offshoot of Evangelical Corporatism. As a member of the First Baptist Church of the Gooey Death, she is able to express her sacred love of god and divine hatred of gays and liberals. Religion has taught her to stop worrying and love the "Almighty Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran". [ more info... ]

Cindy McCain, Noecon Mutant Beneath the Planet of the Apes
"I reveal my innermost neocon to my god!"

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At Wed Apr 16, 08:28:00 AM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

Swiftly dealt with = sent to The Undisclosed Location.

"Grrrr! Cheney hungry! Grrr!"

At Wed Apr 16, 09:31:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...


At Wed Apr 16, 09:46:00 AM, Blogger Spirula said...

Brilliant and scary!

Is it just me or does Sindee have that thousand yard glare?

At Wed Apr 16, 10:08:00 AM, Blogger Jess Wundrun said...

spirula, I think that can be cured by adjusting the toxins in her botox.

Could there be a Michelle Obama v. Cindy McCain debate? Please. please. please?

At Wed Apr 16, 12:46:00 PM, Blogger dguzman said...

Jess, you know we don't broadcast snuff films on TV!

At Wed Apr 16, 03:21:00 PM, Blogger Unconventional Conventionist said...

You're just pissed there were no recipes with bananas in them.

At Wed Apr 16, 07:52:00 PM, Blogger Distributorcap said...

i knew Cindy was in Beneath the Planet of the APes

i knew it
i knew it

At Thu Apr 17, 06:29:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Randal Graves: It is actually kind of amazing how many unpaid interns the vice president devours in a day.

Dr. Monkerstein: Thank you, sir!

Spirula: Ha! I had to look it up: "The thousand-yard stare or two-thousand-yard stare is the unfocused gaze of a battle-weary soldier." Ms. McSame does indeed seem to have the thousand yard glare. Maybeshe got it from her husband!

Jess Wundrun: A Michelle Obama v. Cindy McCain would be decidedly unfair. In a battle of wits, Cindy McCain would be unarmed.

Dguzman: Eek! I don't want to watch!

Unconventional Conventionist: I must admit, the falle pasta would be mighty tasty with a few slices of banana!

Distributorcap: Indeed! All of the necons will end up Beneath the Planet of the Apes.

At Sun Apr 20, 03:59:00 AM, Blogger Batocchio said...

Nice work!

At Sun Apr 20, 12:28:00 PM, Blogger Ken Bergenham said...

on the Marie Antoinette picture - Love the detail of McCain dressed as the English King Henry VIII - out of the place and out of date!

At Mon Apr 21, 06:26:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Batocchio: Thanks, Batocchio!

Ken Bergenham: That's McCain all over - out of the place and out of date!

At Tue Sep 09, 06:47:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice work... I died laughing when I saw this.


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