Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, July 12, 2007

CNN: 'Samurai Frog is Merely a Puppet of the Monkerstein Campaign'

Samurai Frog is merely a puppetAfter an initial investigation by Homeland Security, conclusive evidence has come forward that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Samurai Frog is not able to think for himself, and is merely a puppet of the Monkerstein Power Pagoda.

"I have never seen anything like this is modern American politics, with the exception of Dick Cheney's svengali-like control of George Bush," Said practicing neurosurgeon and chief medical correspondent for the health and medicine at CNN Dr. Sanjay Gupta. "It is not uncommon to see this sort of thing in other environments though, such as children's programming."

Samurai Frog is merely a puppetThrough a series of extensive tests performed at Walter Reed hospital, it has been determined that Samurai Frog is in fact being manipulated by Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein by way of direct connection through his puppet body. Details of this process are a closely guarded secret of the Henson Corporation.

By all general appearances Samurai Frog seems to be a living being or an anthropomorphic animal with a very wide mouth and large protruding eyes. This is not the case, as scientists have determined that Samurai Frog is in fact a puppet. He has been been molded out of foam rubber, and then has then been covered with fleece. His eyes are made of ping-pong balls.

The Monkerstein campaign was unavailable for comment at the time of this press release. CNN

Recent photo of Dr. Monkerstein and the Frog at the White House

Sandra Lou: 'In France we love to eat frog legs for dinner! They are delicious.'Sandra Lou, official spokesperson for the Zaius/Gregarious campaign: En France nous aimons manger les jambes de grenouille pour le dîner ! Ils sont délicieux.

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At Thu Jul 12, 11:13:00 AM, Blogger SamuraiFrog said...

Doctor, your lies only grow more and more elaborate. I don't know where to start with this bald misrepresentation of my personage.

Perhaps your fictional "report" might have more of an air of truth if you had not quoted well-known quack "Doctor" Sanjay Gupta. This is a man so full of inaccuracies that even Michael Moore had no problem tearing apart his wall of smug stupidity. He is a shill for Big Pharma and you do your campaign a disservice in aligning with those type of criminals and liars.

And your picture is so doctored--and doctoring photos is the only thing we know for sure you are a "doctor" of--it is beyond laughable. Besides the obvious fact that I am not a woman, there is also the fact that I never wear suits. Though if I did wear that one, I'd look much better in it than whomever you have standing in here. And as if I'd ever be in the same room as your shopping buddy, Condi!

You'll be lucky if I don't sue your orange ass for posting my private medical photos, Zaius!

At Thu Jul 12, 11:28:00 AM, Anonymous mwb said...

I, for one, am shocked by these new revelations.

It is for that reason, I insist that only one man is truly fit for leadership of the US.

At Thu Jul 12, 01:13:00 PM, Blogger Evil Spock said...

Evil Spock is glad the focus is off the 2012 campaign . . .

Btw, Evil Spock <3 Sandra Lou . . .

At Thu Jul 12, 03:43:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

CNN? CNN? You expect the people of this nation to believe CNN after they did a hachet job on Michael Moore? You and your running mate are delusionsl!

At Thu Jul 12, 04:05:00 PM, Blogger Mark said...

Vous savez que tout ce que dit Sandra Lou est vraiment vrai.

At Thu Jul 12, 08:35:00 PM, Anonymous Tengrain said...

Non. Non, non, non, et non.

This would imply that they ate all the frog's legs.

"En France nous aimons manger les jambes de grenouille pour le dîner ! Ils sont délicieux."

Essayez, "En France nous aimons manger des jambes de grenouille pour le dîner ! Ils sont délicieux."

Et pour moi, je ne mangerai jamais des jambes de grenouille. C'est degoulase.



At Fri Jul 13, 01:23:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

SamuraiFrog: Ha! I am not addressing a frog, but the puppet of the Mad Monkerstein Monster! Once again you ask the public to believe you, and not our "lying eyes?" The evidence of the X-rays are conclusive and irrefutable.

And you would speak to me of "doctoring" photos? Literally every single one of your "supporters" that "speaks" bears the logo of an online Diebold Voter Fraud affiliate such as and If anyone is doctoring photos, it is you. The evidence is as clear as the fez on your head!

And do not insult my intelligence by stating that I have said that you are a woman, because you are in fact a puppet made of latex and fleece, and thus have no gender. The photograph does not indicate that you are a woman. The photo merely show that Dr. Monkerstein likes to dress up his little puppet as a woman on occasion. Any speculation as to his possible motivation for this peculiar habit on the part of Mr. Monkerstein I leave entirely up to the discretion of the reader.

You state that, "You'll be lucky if I don't sue your orange ass for posting my private medical photos, Zaius!" Thus proving that the X-rays are in fact yours, and that the frog is indeed a puppet! You lose again, Dr. Monkerstein!

mwb: Oh, my gosh! A new candidate - Friend, foe or frenemy my good doctor?

Evil Spock: Sandra Lou is better than ice cream. Sandra Lou is even better than pecan pie with whipped cream! Which reminds, me I have some pie in the kitchen that must attend to...

Dr. Monkerstein: I answered to your ridiculous sock puppet above, doctor. Do ask the public to believe you, and not our "lying eyes?" The evidence of the X-rays are conclusive and irrefutable.

Mark: Mais bien sur tout ce Sandra Lou dit est vrai. Mais c'est qu'elle ne dit pas, mais comment elle le dit ! Oo-la-la !

Tengrain: Our French transcriptionist is a fish, so the text from Sandra Lou may be a bit garbled. Please help us correct the fish's poor handiwork!

At Fri Jul 13, 10:16:00 AM, Blogger Splotchy said...

zaius, check this out if you know what's good for you.

At Fri Jul 13, 10:56:00 AM, Blogger GETkristiLOVE said...

I'm torn, I love all Monkeys, being one myself. The frog is right out though.

At Fri Jul 13, 02:14:00 PM, Anonymous Tengrain said...

Someone should ask SamuariFrog if that hand being shoved up there hurt. I can only imagine!



At Fri Jul 13, 04:04:00 PM, Blogger SamuraiFrog said...

Tengrain, don't believe Zaius's lies! He's smiling and leading you to a bright shining light, but it only hides the killing floor behind it!

At Fri Jul 13, 04:20:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Splotchy: Ack! Done, sir! My apologies! You are officially blogrolled!

GETkristiLOVE: You are wise to weigh all of the options before deciding, sir! You have an awesome kitty! You are officially blogrolled as well.

Tengrain: I am sure that the frog is used to it by now, after being a Monkerstein puppet for so long.

SamuraiFrog: Monkerstein, are you off your meds again? Your puppet is making strange noises.


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