Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Zaius/Gregarious 2008 - Because Man is a Pestilence!

Germaine Gregarious and Zaius take on Monkerstein's evil plot!

Good news! I am presently in political negotiations with the incredibly talented and intelligent Germaine Gregarious of the The Nefarious Lair of LGPPP, Inc. (Lesbian Gangs Packing Pink Pistols).

I must say that I am quite taken with the remarkable Germaine Gregarious and her gang. As you can see, we share a similar world view, and we would both like to see the world safe from the scourge of despotic activity that is brewing in the White House, as well as in the Blogosphere.

I find the fact that Ms. Gregarious and her gang are the sworn enemies of BIll O'Reilly most compelling. Any enemy of "Bill'o" is a friend of mine! It is quite fortuitous that we have met, as we can now act as a team against those evil forces that would stand against us. Undesirable elements that lurk in the darkest corner of the blogosphere, beware!

Germaine Gregarious has swept me off of my feet!

Meanwhile, the ongoing struggle against Dr. Monkerstein and his Fearsome Felonious Frog is growing more desperate by the moment. Their attempts to foul my reputation by means of trickery and foul play is merely the first stitch in their immense tapestry of criminal activity. I am being repeatedly sullied and slandered by these odious, abhorrent, and unequivocally detestable scallywags. Is there no end to their phony, fatuous flim-flam!?!?

The dark and deadly duo are trying to besmirch the Constitution of the United States, the very heart of our fair democracy! If they get their way, they would like to abolish the first amendment! His colleague and campaign manager the Fearsome Felonious Frog has already stated quite clearly that if elected, the Monkerstein administration will "brook no discussion with those who disagree with the Monkerstein!" Just look at his campaign literature Such an open disregard for the open dialogue of the Democratic process is beneath contempt. It looks like undesirable elements have once again infiltrated the American political process. Something must be done!

What is perhaps even more frightening are the many documented cases of voter intimidation by the Monkerstein campaign. Monkerstein's Power Pagoda Playbook promotes all manner of thuggery and hooliganism among it's members, and will stop at nothing to reach it's evil ends.

In another example of the free speech that Monkerstein would like to squelch, the vitriolic, vituperative, and vindictive villains state that the public is not allowed to use the phrase "Power Pagoda" because he says it is not "politically correct." This is yet another attempt by the Monkerstein campaign to stifle the freedom of speech and the freedom of expression in this fine land of ours.

The most galling bit of this dastardly deviltry is that the word Pagoda means a kind of building, not a kind of human, and thus cannot be offended by the words of man. This sort of error is typical of his campaign manager, the Fearsome Felonious Frog. The have already been seen trying to poll various pagoda's in an attempt to curry favor among the Pagoda crowd, only to find that buildings can't vote. Ha! Hoisted by their own "Pagoda" pitard!

It is fortuitous that the Monkertein campaign's neoconservative Power Pagoda Playbook has been exposed so early in the election process, so that the voters can learn early of his nefarious plan to rule the country with an iron paw. after so many years under the thumb of the evil Dick Cheney, this country can ill afford to have another foul dictator like Dr. Monkerstein and his Fearsome Felonious Frog ruin this fine land with their malfeasant methods and vile, despotic ways.

This is Dr. Zaius signing off for now, but Germaine Gregarious and I shall return soon to update you on the latest political news and most hackneyed pop culture petri dishes, as well as the brewing, festering scandal that is the Monkerstein campaign to destroy America.

Monkerstein and his Frog shall be undone!

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At Tue Jul 10, 01:56:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Thank goodness no one listens to your paranoid ravings and yet Samurai and will not let this attack on me and my campaign go unpunished.

At Tue Jul 10, 02:33:00 PM, Blogger Mark said...

Dr. Monkerstein is using reverse psychology. He is doubtlessly analyzing every word for a potential weakness to exploit. However, I don't think you have anything to worry about; with those pink-pistol-packing lesbians alligned with you, the monkster hasn't a chance. Beware, though of Evil Spock. Sandra Lou has informed me of some less-than wholesome intentions he harbors.

At Tue Jul 10, 04:10:00 PM, Blogger SamuraiFrog said...

Dr. Zaius, I've told you before that I have no opposition to free speech! After all, I'm not pointing out your myriad spelling errors because I don't want to be accused of trying to control your expression!

Do you really think allying yourself with Germaine Gregarious and will help you? You will soon be exposed for the sham you are! Why else would you be building an army of Fembots? What kind of freedom is robot-enforced, Doctor?

At Tue Jul 10, 04:28:00 PM, Blogger angry ballerina said...


At Tue Jul 10, 04:50:00 PM, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Should I be worried about this?

I guess this is a good plan and I suppose that I will root for because you have some nice aliteration in there and good guys use it but antagonists aren't always so awesome with their aliteration, alegedly.

At Tue Jul 10, 06:25:00 PM, Blogger Bella Rossa said...

Seriously I cannot believe all of this "forced lesbianism" shit is actually real. Only because the revered Dr. Zaius speaks these words do they seem plausible to my fragile human mind.

At Tue Jul 10, 07:43:00 PM, Blogger J.D. said...


(And if Heather Graham is your running mate, maybe I'll have to think about it...)

At Tue Jul 10, 08:22:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Z, give me The Angry Ballerina for my own and your greatest dream will be realized.

At Tue Jul 10, 10:07:00 PM, Anonymous Omnipotent Poobah said...

Dr. Z,

Since Cap'n Dyke appointed me an honorary lesbian, I offer my services as an agent in the cause.

Perhaps I could work as a double agent. You know, sneak up on Bill O real stealthy like a shove a loofa up where the sun don't shine.

It's a horrific thought, but I'm a patriotic man.

At Tue Jul 10, 10:48:00 PM, Blogger Mark said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At Tue Jul 10, 11:38:00 PM, Anonymous Tengrain said...

Dr. Z -

When will you and Dr. Von M. have a debate/iron cage death match?



At Wed Jul 11, 06:38:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein: Wow. What a comeback. You really showed me. **roll eyes**

Mark: Thanks, Mark! Obviously you are far too clever to fall for Monkerstein's foul agenda. With Germaine Gregarious and The Nefarious Lair of LGPPP, Inc. on our side, Monkerstein's Power Pagoda will fall like a house of cards! Sandra Lou has already voiced her support of Zaius Nation, and shall make a visit to the Zaiusphere shortly. I think you are right about Evil Spock - He has already threatened me with Rainbow Warriors!

SamuraiFrog: Funny, my spell checker say no, but you say yes? Who should I believe, you or my lying eyes? Speaking of editing, you might want to have a look at Monkerstein's page before giving mine the raspberry. Are you the one helping him with his spelling and grammar? Yes, it shows. Angry Ballerina has a few tips for you on editing.

Germaine Gregarious and I have already answered your ridiculous, adolescent robot questions here.

I have a question for you. Where exactly do you plan to put "Otisburg?"

Angry Ballerina: You said, "I WANNA PINK GUN!!!" well, this is just for you! Germaine Gregarious had it commissioned for you. It is an exact replica of one of the many pink pistols that she owns.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator: I am glad that you think it is a good plan! And no, you should not be worried about this. It should come as a relief to you that finally there is a force in the universe that is standing up to the foul Monkerstein Power Pagoda.

Bella Rossa: Ms. McQuern, that is only what Bill O'Reilly said on his nightly comedy program. I am glad that you are putting your faith in words of Dr. Zaius, though!

J.D.: Ack! Is it fatal? Oh, I see - it's something nice, actually! Thank you J.D.! You have a great blog. And it is such an honor to be i such great company, All About My Movies, The Cellar Door, Crumb by Crumb, Culture Kills...Wait, I Mean Cutlery, I, Splotchy, Life's A Bitch, and Strange Culture. You are very kind! Thank you, sir!

Germaine Gregarious: My dear GG, This is the 21st century! we cannot traffic in human misery. That won't become commonplace in America again until the founding of Ape City, about 1500 years from now. Angry Ballerina has an acute understanding of advanced political theory, and is quite capable of addressing her likes and dislikes with either the finely crafted nib of a pen, or the business end of a blunt instrument. My suggestion is to tread lightly.

Omnipotent Poobah: Yes! We have been looking for a point man on the O'Reilly case! We may have to call upon you to carry out your patriotic duty, O'Reilly-wise. Some of my best friends are honorary lesbians!

Tengrain: Why can't we have a bake off? Given the choice between cake or death, I'll have cake, please!

At Wed Jul 11, 06:51:00 AM, Blogger SamuraiFrog said...

We'll put it in Australia, of course! Sheesh!

At Wed Jul 11, 10:26:00 AM, Blogger angry ballerina said...

I'm the happy ballerina right now.

At Thu Jul 12, 11:05:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

SamuraiFrog: Yes, of course. How silly of me. Say hello to Lex for me!

Angry Ballerina: Yay!


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