Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

What the bible Didn't Say May Be Grounds For Legislation


Although I am a great believer in much of philosophy found in the New Testament, I am always suspicious of any argument that starts out with "Jesus said this" or the "Bible says that." One of the things about the bible is that it says a lot of things, and the point of the book is not really to take some quote out of context and use it to explain why it is OK to carry on some horrifying and pointless activity. I think that the focus of the New Testament is supposed to be about understanding the message of the philosophy that it contains as a whole. I seriously doubt that it was written to be used as a series of lame excuses for enterprises of questionable value.

It is amazing how many energetic contortions of language and dazzling leaps of logic that are used to coax a justification out of the bible as an excuse for every manner of vile human endeavor. Yesterday my jaw dropped anew at a statement made by former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee.

Huckabee said that Jesus was pro-death penalty because he didn't say that he was against the death penalty while he was on the cross. (Which seems kind of odd to me, I could have sworn that Jesus complained to his father about the unfairness of the situation.) Think about it - Mr. Huckabee used what the bible didn't say as an excuse for killing people.

Oh, and God apparently talks to Huckabee via cell phone. I am not sure which is worse, the hypocrisy of using the name of god to win an election for your political party, or the astronomical long distance charges.

At Wednesday's CNN/YouTube debate, a questioner asked former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee "what would Jesus do" on the death penalty. He replied:

You know, one of the toughest challenges that I ever faced as a governor was carrying out the death penalty. I did it more than any other governor ever had to do it in my state. As I look on this stage, I'm pretty sure that I'm the only person on this stage that's ever had to actually do it. [...]

Jesus was too smart to ever run for public office, Anderson. That's what Jesus would do.

Huckabee dodged the question that time. But in 1997, Huckabee claimed that Jesus would have agreed with him on supporting the death penalty. Shortly before a triple execution in Arkansas in Jan. 1997, a caller called into Huckabee's show on Arkansas Educational Television Network and asked how he squared his Christian teachings with his support for the death penalty. As the Arkansas Times reported on Jan. 22, 1997:

"Interestingly enough," Huckabee allowed, "if there was ever an occasion for someone to have argued against the death penalty, I think Jesus could have done so on the cross and said, 'This is an unjust punishment and I deserve clemency'."

Jesus, though, did not ask for clemency. Therefore, according to Huckabee's logic, Jesus must have been in favor of capital punishment.

Huckabee also believes God supports Republicans. As ThinkProgress reported yesterday, Huckabee interrupted his speech to the Republican Governors Association in 2004 to answer his cell phone. He proceeded to have a three-minute conversation with God about President Bush's re-election:

We're behind [Bush], yes, sir, we sure are. Yes, sir, we know you don't take sides in the election. But, if you did, we kind of think you'd hang in there with us, Lord, we really do.

Matt Taibbi has more on Huckabee's religious zealotry.

Freida Bee has added a poem:

Mike Huckabee, go ahead smile and say
Your cute buddyship with your sweet Uncle J
Justifies murders from which your own hand bleeds.
Mothers in Iraq who want their children back should get over their petty worldly needs.


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At Tue Dec 04, 09:28:00 AM, Blogger Freida Bee said...

If my understandings are correct, Jesus was basically sayin', "Look, these guys who put me to death for such things are morons! There is no greater injustice."

Twisting that message basically states how dangerous this type of religious zealotry is. Of course he is willing to sacrifice the lives of others to support his agenda. His religion is based on the presumption that Jesus was complicit in allowing himself sacrificed. I'm sure the historical record the bible is is an unbiased account of said events.

This blog, as Dr. Zaius knows, heralding from the future as he does is the unbiased word of the great lawgiver and since it claims to be of the future, I declare it to trump the truth of Mike Huckabee. so there. And Dr. Z called me a prophet a few posts ago. Oh, ok, if it rhymes, it's prophetic. Well...

Mike Huckabee, go ahead smile and say
Your cute buddyship with your sweet Uncle J
Justifies murders from which your own hand bleeds.
Mothers in Iraq who want their children back should get over their petty worldly needs.


Thanks Dr. Z, since I know MH reads your blog, the proper changes will be made promptly.

At Tue Dec 04, 10:17:00 AM, Anonymous Wondertrash said...

keep the posts comin'


At Tue Dec 04, 10:31:00 AM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

You guys are completely missing the bigger point here: Mike Huckabee is a nice guy! His twisting of reality doesn't matter one bit! Do you really want to not vote for a nice guy?

At Tue Dec 04, 11:58:00 AM, Blogger Jess Wundrun said...

He's nice and he usedtabe fat!!!

I don't want to not vote for a former fatty.

At Tue Dec 04, 12:05:00 PM, Blogger Distributorcap said...

when my wingnut friend thinks he is insane

then he must be Insane

but i think the (despicable) Club for Growth will take care of Mr H

At Tue Dec 04, 01:08:00 PM, Anonymous mwb said...

So just admit it. You're just a Wacky Protester


At Tue Dec 04, 01:43:00 PM, Blogger Devilham said...

Isn't that phone call schtick actually using the lord's name in vane??? That is literally breaking one of the 10 commandments in front of a live studio audience.

At Tue Dec 04, 01:53:00 PM, Blogger FranIAm said...

Oh my. It was only a matter of time before the resident Catholic showed up.

Huckabee is f*ckabee.

As you so aptly say good Dr., the Bible is far too frequently used to take words out of context and to make right very serious wrongs.

Or at the very least, used to try to control people.

It disgusts me.

This is not the forum to go into Catholic or any other kind of Christian theology, but I will say that whatever the freak Huck was thinking and saying in 1997 was bullshit.

The whole point of the cross, was the cross. That probably sounds stupid to many of you, but trust me- it was not so that Mike could juice a bunch of Arkansas criminals. And it was not so that every freaking god damn day, this event could be used to kill, main, destroy and so forth.

But it has been done. And will be over and over again. Not unlike how the words of any doctrine are used in peverse fashion. It is evil.

However, this asshole (a whole lotta cussing for a religious gal...)Huckabee and so many like him just use and re-use whatever words and events for their own benefit.

I am so sick of it.

(angrier than i thought)

At Tue Dec 04, 01:53:00 PM, Blogger FranIAm said...

p.s. I really liked Freida Bee's poem.

At Tue Dec 04, 02:22:00 PM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

You know Fran, after this rant and your love of gangsta rap, I'm afraid to ever piss you off. :)

At Tue Dec 04, 04:36:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Too bad the people who need to read this will never do so. I'm planning a Huckabee post on some of his other inane chatter in a few days.

At Tue Dec 04, 05:53:00 PM, Blogger Liberality said...

the cross is an instrument of torture: does this mean that christians endorse torture? but mikey does have a point, those most upstanding christian politicans are really into the death penalty now aren't they?

At Wed Dec 05, 03:12:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

Freida Bee: Ha! You said it better than I did. And didn't Jesus say to his dad, "Why do you forsake me?" It certainly does not sound like a sound endorsement of the death penalty to me.

You are indeed a poetic prophet, and I have published your poem on the post. I thought that it was too good to hide in the comments. I think that the only prophet that Huckabee believes in is spelled with an "f" instead of a "ph."

Wondertrash: Oh my god, I love it! Nancy Pelosi never looked so good! Thank you very much! But why is she dancing with a monkey?

Randal Graves: Ha! If Huckabee is a "nice guy," I don't mind if he finishes last. I hope that the GOP presidential contenders all rot.

Jess Wundrun: He may have once been fat, but today he is still a fathead. Maybe he can get a job doing ads for Subway Sandwiches.

Distributorcap: The Club for Growth may not like him, but the The Hair Club for Men thinks he is fabulous!

MWB: OMG! "Wacky Protestor: A nerdy villain who uses technology to fight Bibleman. This character is the frequent target of criticisms that the show tries to portray free thought as sinful." I totally want to have a milkshake date with Bible Girl! And I am not going to wear my "Codpiece of Abstinence," let me tell you. Where do you find this stuff? What a great post!

Devilham: Not only that, he was not calling in the evening or on a weekend. Think of the phone rates!

FranIAm: Ha! "Huckabee is f*ckabee." That says it all. My own views about religion are very strange, but I can't endorse atheism either. You have written a very good rant! You should post about it.

FranIAm: I do too! I put it on the post.

Randal Graves: Fear the FranIAm! She means business.

Dr. Monkerstein: I think that's great! Huckabee needs a good Monkersteining.

Liberality: The hypocrisy of these people is astounding. The stupidity of those that listen to them is beyond belief!

At Wed Dec 05, 06:07:00 AM, Blogger Freida Bee said...

Mike Huckabee, go ahead smile and say,
"My cute buddyship with my sweet Uncle J
Justifies murders from which my own hand bleeds.
Mothers in Iraq who want their children back should get over their petty worldly needs."

That's what I meant to say. My syntax was weird. I'll try not to let this clear case of nepotism affect my opinion on your judgement re:my underpants. (What does all that mean?)


At Wed Dec 05, 05:02:00 PM, Blogger FranIAm said...

I guess this means you will do this meme?

Don't make me open a can of FranIam-Ass. (known as whoop ass in other circles.)

Thanks btw... I want to post on it but I get so steamed I lose my place. I am working on it.

At Mon Dec 10, 07:45:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

But of course I will do you meme! I am just slow and methodical in my meeming response.


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