Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, March 24, 2011

My Unsubstantiated Claims are Wildly Arriving at Unfounded Conclusions

I certainly hope that the no-fly zone in Libya does not become President Obama's defining moment. Click here to watch Keith Olbermann's Special Comment on the subject: Libya, Obama and the Five-Second Rule. This is from his blog at The FOK News Channel.

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I Wonder If He Asks For Seperate Checks?

Newt Gingritch is now ordering two meals at a time, one for each face! [ 2, 3 ]

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You Can't Teach People to be Lazy - Either They Have It, or They Don't.

I was perusing a recent article, "States With the Most Couch Potatoes," and I was shocked to find that my own state was not amongst those five that were deemed the most physically inactive. According to the article, the least physically active states are Tennessee, Louisiana, Mississippi, Kentucky, Alabama, and North Carolina.

I felt cheated. Certainly my state should be on that list. I live in one of the nine states that has a prevalence of obesity equal to or greater than 30%, fer crying out loud!

I knew that my state is literally lousy with loafing, lethargic layabouts - but how could I prove it? I quickly rifled through the article's source material, State Indicator Report on Physical Activity - and upon reading the graph on page 14, my heart sank as I realized that my own state fell just about dead center in the category of physically active adults. I knew this couldn't be right. I felt that a great injustice had been done by this article!

And then I found the author's oversight... The source that the article cited lists more than one category of lazy, languid loafing! Whereas my state surprisingly seems almost halfway energetic in the category of physically active adults, we almost make it to the top 10 in the category of people that have no leisure-time physical activity! And that's a category that I can wholeheartedly say that I support 100%. Sometimes I am so inert, torpid and full of chocolate that I veritably hover between blindly stuporous and a persistant vegetative state!

Feeling somewhat vindicated by my scientific findings, I have created a a graph that displays these results side by side so that you can look up the the languid reputation of your own state. Click here to find out how shiftless and unenergetic your state is!

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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

"Gotta Have My Bowl. Gotta Have Cereal."

No time for blogging today! I am too busy watching this awesome video of Rebecca Black singing the song "Friday"! I am happy to say that the mainstream media has recognized this amazing new talent [ 2, 3 ], and that the vast Youtubular public has seen fit to imitate Rebecca Black's amazing song with video interpretations of their own: [ 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 17 ] (I especially like this one and this one.)

The lyrics are truly inspirational:
"Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today is Friday, Friday
Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes afterwards..."

So true. So true.

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Yes, I Always Choose the Top Hat.

I just wanted everyone to know that unlike everyone else, when I play Monopoly...

I never choose the Race Car...

I always choose the Top Hat.

(But that's only because they don't make a piece that represents two slices of chocolate cake.)

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"Hericane Is No More..."

Perhaps the greatest character transistion in the history of comic books.

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Thursday, March 03, 2011

Underneath That Wacky Exterior, Glenn Beck is Still Crazy to the Bone

Just a Quick word about Charle Sheen...

He's still not as crazy as Glenn Beck.

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The Catholic Spiritual Roto-Rooter App

As predicted by the documentary THX-1138, the U.S. Catholic Church has given its blessing to an iPhone app aimed at helping Catholics with confession. [ 2 ]

"You are a true believer. Blessings of the state, blessings of the masses. Thou art a subject of the divine. Created in the image of man, by the masses, for the masses. Let us be thankful we have commerce. Buy more. Buy more now. Buy more... and be happy."

You can also buy buy a Gothic Jesus MP3 Player!

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Ezra Klein: How to Fix Social Security in One Graph


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This is Pissing Me Off More Than Low Fat Sour Cream!

Regarding humans, I would certainly agree that the male of the species is quite stupid...

but there are certain female members of the breed that run a very close second... [ 2 ]

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Cthulhu Christmas Carols


No time for blogging today! I'm busy listening to all of these swell Cthulhu Christmas carols! My personal favorites are "Carol of the Old Ones", "Awake Ye Scary Great Old Ones" and of course Elvis Presley singing, "Blue Solstice". Many of these songs are from the album: "A Very Scary Solstice" by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society.

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