Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Saturday, January 30, 2010

In the Alligator's Den

Holy guacamole! President Obama has done something that no other president has ever done before. In a grudge match held at House Republican retreat in Baltimore on Friday, the president faced down 140 GOP House members and took questions from the GOP lawmakers on camera. What's more, President Obama aced every question.

This event will become teabagger rebuttal 101. (Let's say this again - The odds were 140 to one!) The President easily schooled the Republicans on every question. In their own vernacular, the President "learned 'em real good." Let's see a Republican presidential hopeful, any Republican presidential hopeful do what the president did on Friday.

If you haven't seen it yet, you have some serious catching up to do. You can watch President Obama's Full Q&A with the House Republicans or watch the event with commentary from Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow [ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ] (He also gave a speech.) You can also read the complete transcript of Obama's remarks for quotable blog quotes or to merely help count the number of dead bodies that the president left in his wake.

I was actually very happy with the President's State of the Union address, and I would have been satisfied with that response to his critics alone. This brave and direct confrontation of his Republican critics was just an extra rainbowlicious slice of unicorn angel cake wonderfulness.

If I have any regrets about this event it is that it happened on a Friday, thus it is guaranteed to be buried by the media over the weekend. But I can't complain. Even "I hate Carebear" Tengrain gave a brief 'hrumph' about it. You can also read the G.O.P.'s "Better Solutions" document that outlines the Republican's legislative reform proposals for extra comedic effect. [ Hee hee! ]

If you still have any doubt that the president is beyond extra-awesome, then let it also be said that he plays a wicked game of 'peek-a-boo'. I feel that this talent alone proves that he is the Kwisatz Haderach. 'Nuff said.


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The Purity Test


This might be indicative of some kind of shift in the GOP stratagy. Republican state party chairs unanimously voted to kill a "purity test" that would have denied funding candidates who do not uphold right-wing conservative values.


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"Bed & Breakfast" By Sarah Vowell

No time for blogging today! I am far too busy negotiating future corporate executive's contracts with Germaine Gregarious. (I wish that they wouldn't go off road in the middle of an important consultation like that. I am already running out of room in the trunk!) In the meantime, you can watch this swell video called "Bed & Breakfast" by Sarah Vowell. (Oh, dear. I fear that might cause a stain, Ms. Gregarious!)


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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Watergate II: The Spy Who Bugged Me


Four men who are completely innocent of FBI charges in connection with an attempt to illegally access and manipulate the phone system in a district office of Senator Mary Landrieu have been unwitttingly hoodwinked into confessing to crimes that they did not commit.

"It was poor judgment," Said innocent victim Flanagan's lawyer, Garrison Jordan, said. "I don't think there was any intent or motive to commit a crime." Flanagan is the son of the acting U.S. Attorney for northern Louisiana.

O'Keefe was molested by Sen. Landrieu's evil army of lesbian fembots.

As he got into a cab outside, innocent victim O'Keefe said, "The truth shall set me free." His father, James O'Keefe, Jr., of Westwood, N.J., said he hadn't spoken to his son in several days and didn't know he traveled to New Orleans, let alone why he went to Landrieu's office.

"That would not be something that I can even imagine him doing," he said. "I think this is going to be blown out of proportion."

The four innocent men have posted videos on, a site run by conservative Andrew Breitbart. In an e-mail to The Associated Press, Breitbart said: "We have no knowledge about or connection to any alleged acts and events involving James O'Keefe at Senator Mary Landrieu's office."

The January 26 edition of Fox News' Studio B with Shepard Smith said it best in this morning's Bear Alert. [ 1, | 2, | 3, | 4, | 5 ]

You're not of the Body! You're not! You're not of the Body!!
Democratic Sen. Mary Landrieu's father colonized the planet Beta III, along with the survivors of the starship Archon.


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Voice of the Beehive Singing, "I Say Nothing"

No time for blogging today! I just woke up from a horrible nightmare. I dreamed that the Health Care Bill was on the rocks, and that President Obama was being attacked from the left and the right over his economic policy. (Thank my lucky stars that it was only a dream!) In the meantime, you can watch this swell video of the Voice of the Beehive singing, "I Say Nothing". (I've had worse nightmares. Once I dreamed that I ate a gaint marshmallow, and the next morning I found that my pillow had disapeared!)


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Monday, January 25, 2010

Move Over, Sarah


It seems that former Alaskan Govenor Sarah Plain will have to share the limelight with the Republican's latest annointed saint, Scott Brown. Hardball's Chris Matthews Quipped:

Chris MatthewsChris Matthews: Up next... who loses the most with Scott Brown’s victory this week? It might be Sarah Palin. All of the sudden, she has company on the Republican hot list. Well, political hot list.

Watch out, Sarah. There's a new teabaggging superstar in town!


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The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side

No time for blogging today! Germaine Gregarious and I have to go back in time to rewrite the history of the Project Mercury capsule on January 31, 1961. (Like I am going to let a chimpanzee do an orangutan's job? Puh-leeze.) In the meantime you can watch this swell student video done by Sarah Mead to the song "The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side" by the Magnetic Fields. ("I've got wheels, and you wanna go for a ride!")


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Some Details About My Recent Winter Wonderland Extravaganza

I would like to apologize to all of my blogging friends. I have been very busy at home and at work lately, and have been sadly remiss in my many blogtastic responsibilities. If I have not visited your blog lately, or if I have not answered your emails quickly and with the verve and gusto that they deserve it is because as of late I have been up to my eyeballs in makeshift monkey trials and last minute brain surgery during my graveyard shift at the local lobotomitorium.

I have always assumed that I had no life, but if I have learned anything in the last couple of months it is that I do in fact have a life. The problem is that what little life I do have seems to be determined to kill me! So many things are happening right now that I can't keep up with my usual empty, vapid lifestyle.

Without going into too much detail, I shall provide this one small example of my recent Winter Wonderland Extravaganza. (There have been several other issues that are too numerous to mention that have demanded my attention as of late. This is only one of them.) I have a huge leak in my ceiling that is right above the main media workstation of Zaius Nation Central.

Suffice it to say that the recent deluge here in Ape City has made me reconsider the position of my awesome Data Processing Machine (it's a Commodore 64!), but certain factors have made this difficult. If I move the computer to another room, other issues crop up. For the time being the Lawgiver's Snowy Wrath has been kind, and I may be able to keep my Throne of Media Calculation in the same room if I throw enough plastic bags over it - at least for the time being.

In the meantime, I have turn off the electricity in that room for fear of an electical fire. I pipe in electricity from another room via some rather hefty orange extension cords, which are easy to trip over. When I turn off the breaker for that room I also cut the juice to the living room and the washing machine, so I have to wait for a relatively dry day with no snow or rain to do any laundry. Oh, well. at least my cat is still awesome!

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Doomat For Love

I know how she feels. I am something of a butter dish for love. Or maybe I am a soup spoon for love...

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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Now is Not the Time for Tears...

After the recent disapointment of the Massachusetts special election, Democrats are naturally upset at the consequences.

But the despite the carnage...

I say that now is not the time for tears...

I say that it's time to kick ass and take names in 2010.

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A Mash-Up of the Two Films, "Se7en" and "Peewee's Big Adventure"

No time for blogging today! I'm hard at work on my secret formula for floorwax. (It doesn't clean the floor very well, but it tastes delicious!) In the meantime you can watch this swell video that is a mash-up of the two films, "Se7en" and "Peewee's Big Adventure". (Mmm... This batch is even better than the last batch! Maybe if add more blueberries...)


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Don't Go Visit Blue Gal's Blog!

Whatever you do, don't go visit Blue Gal's blog, because she has a yearbook photo of me that I find quite embarassing.

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The Doomsday Clock (Just wait until 3978!)

The Doomsday Clock was recently moved back one minute - from five-minutes-to-midnight to six-minutes-to-midnight. The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists attributed the move to efforts by world leaders to reduce their countries' nuclear arsenals and collaborate on climate stabilization.

"The group, which includes 19 Nobel laureates, said a key to the 'new era of cooperation is a change in the U.S. government's orientation toward international affairs brought about in part by the election of (U.S. President Barack) Obama.'" [ 2, 3 ]

It's interesting to note that FOX News did not report on the event at all. I could not find a single news story on the Doomsday Clock on the FOX News website since January 17, 2007.

In related news, Glenn Beck has just changed his Facebook status from "Lunatic" to "Batsh*t Crazy".

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The Galaxy Gals


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Monday, January 11, 2010

Compare and Contrast


Oh, puh-leez...

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Lesson for the GOP: The Batsh*t Crazy Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend


Everybody is talking about how the 10 Democrats in congress that are retiring (including Dodd, Dorgan and Ritter) are far more important than the 14 Republicans that are retiring from congress.

I am thinking that what might be far more important for the upcoming elections is for there to be some kind of a reconciliation between the Republican party establishment crowd and the Tea Party Movement, or the ensuing cannibalism in their elections is going to look like the Republican Dede Scozzafava/Doug kerfuffle in the 2009 special election for New York's 23rd congressional district.

There is going to have to be some kind of an unholy alliance drawn between the lying liars of the GOP and the batsh*t crazy Teabaggers before they can make any real progress with the voters.

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Sarah Palin Has Found a New Job to Quit

The former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, has signed a multi-year deal with Fox News to provide political commentary and analysis for the FOX News Channel. [ 1, 2, 3 ]

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An Unsolicited Message from Scarlett Johansson

How come this never comes up in the health care debate? This is far more relevant today than it was the first time I posted it.

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Cooking With Dr. Zaius: Patrami On Rye

If you are making a pastrami on rye with munster cheese, lettuce and tomatoes, don't use mustard and mayonnaise. Instead, use use lots of Kraft Ranch Dressing! It's awesome.

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Saturday, January 09, 2010

RNC chair Michael Steele: "Well... Not Quite Yet, Actually."

RNC chair Michael Steele doesn't think his party can take back the House in 2010 - and even if they do, he doesn't know if the GOP is ready. But he does have a new book out! [ 2 ]

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I Speak French as Well as President Bush Speaks English!


This is a Zaius Nation reprint

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Now He Knows Her Secret...


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Thursday, January 07, 2010

You're Standing On My Neck


I am thinking that things do not bode well for the new year, and I'll tell you why. I found out back in August that they were finally going to release the TV series "Daria" on disc...

Today is January 7th, 2010. It is already been a whole week into the year, and the "Daria" TV series is still not up for sale yet! I can't begin to tell you how disapointed I am. Although his administration has very little to do with these sorts of things, I blame President Obama. He's getting blamed for everything else, anyway. You have to start somewhere.

I think that Daria represents what a woman today should feel about the Sick, Sad World around her, and that is incredulous and filled with disbelief at what is happening in the world today.

Imagine a television character that actually knows about and appreciates things like feminism and the Women's Rights Movement and the Suffragist Movement. Now imagine a television character like that that's isn't portrayed as annoying, ridiculous or cast in a negative light in some way. The only one that I can think of is Daria. (OK, there's Wonder Woman and Xena and few others, but really...)

There haven't been many cartoons or TV shows that were as funny or as intellectual, and that represented teenage angst as well as this show did. I only watched Daria a few times when it aired from 1997-2002, I became a fan when the show was in reruns. I always hated the fact that Daria was a spin-off of Beavis and Butthead, because I hated that show.

The Morgendorffers really were a typical suburban family. The mother and father were hilarious! And Daria and her sister Quinn couldn't have been more different, and they acted like they hated each. Quinn would not even acknowledge to her popular friends ("The Fashion Club") that Daria was her sister, calling Daria instead "that girl." I seem to remember there was an episode where Quinn stood up for Daria, though. They seemed to get along fine after Daria went to college.

I think that I would have liked Trent and Mystik Spiral a lot better if Daria had had a crush on me instead of him. At one point there was a love triangle between, Daria, Jane and Tom that was actually painful to watch, because you felt so bad for all of the characters.

After each episode they would roll credits on one half of the screen, and on the other half of the screen they would display characters from the show drawn in ridiculous circumstances. I always loved that part of the show!

When the show was running, rumors circulated that actress Janeane Garofalo provided the voice for Daria. (Daria's voice was actually done by Tracy Grandstaff.) Garofalo later said that she was flattered to be considered "cool enough" to be the voice. I wish that Jeannine Garofolo had really played the voice of Daria. I've always had a crush on Janeane Garofalo, too! [ 1, 2, 3 ]

Jane as Norman Rockwell

Ever since I first became enthralled with the show, I've always had a huge crush on Daria. I mean, Daria had a bone collection and her bedroom had padded walls. What could be cooler than that? But in my humble opinion I've always thought that the real siren of the show was Jane Lane. Everybody knows that art chicks are the most attractive women in the whole world!

The TV show that Daria and Jane would watch was called "Sick, Sad World", which is officially my favorite imaginary TV show! I'm pretty sure that's where Rupert Murdoch got the idea for FOX News.

As far as the fan artists, This guy seems to be far and away the most dedicated. I really like these pictures by him: [ 1, 2, 3 ] He has even made a 3D Daria model, and his own Daria videos!

I've written about Daria before, and it's not like I'm the only one that feels this way about the TV show. There are lots of webpages about Daria. This site is devoted entirely to the DVD release, and has collected over 3,500 signatures. I love looking at the various Daria fan art at websites like and Sick, Sad World. (That's where I got all of the pictures from. This page has a bunch of great links, too.)

All Hail Daria!

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Sunday, January 03, 2010

"For Every Minute You are Angry You Lose Sixty Seconds of Happiness." Emerson

On the internet tubes I found this awesome chart that displays 20 things that happen in a minute, but one particular statistic on the chart stood out to me far above any of the others:

"Every minute 120,673 pounds of edible food is thrown away in the united states..."

Jeepers! I hope that none of that food is chocolate cake!!

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Siskel & Ebert Outtakes

No time for blogging today! I am busy negotiating with some delegates from the planet Venus. (And they say I have no foreign policy experience. Ha!) In the meantime, you can watch this swell video that displays the warmth and comradery of Siskel & Ebert during outtakes from their show in the '80s that I found on Jang-chub Ozer's awesome blog, Wondertrash. (watch 'til the end for an important religious message from these two wacky film critics!)


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Chic Anson in "The Crooked Letter!"

"A college letter is a symbol of integrity and service! But when it becomes a symbol of greed... and viciousness, tragedy is brought home, not to the college which issues the letter in good faith, but to the savage wretch who perverts it's meaning!"

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A Mummy and His Hovel...


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