Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, July 31, 2008

McCain's Campaign Changes to a New Course - Attack Ads!


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Blogger Beach Party!


One of my political rivals for the presidency, Dr. Smith, came up with the swell idea to have a Blogger Beach Party for the whole month of August! Come one, come all! Everybody is invited to blog along! (It is such a good idea, that I am kicking myself for not thinking of it first. Ack! Damn you, Dr. Smith!) I have no idea what he is cooking up, but I have no intention of letting him have all the fun. Tomorrow is the first day of August - Look out, Blogger Beach Party ahead!

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Journalism In The Modern Age


Barack Obama said:

It has become increasingly clear in my travel, the campaign, that the crowds, the enthusiasm, 200,000 people in Berlin, is not about me at all. It's about America. I have become a symbol of the possibility of America returning to our best traditions.

Dana Millbank quoted him thus:

Inside, according to a witness, he told the House members, "This is the moment . . . that the world is waiting for," adding: "I have become a symbol of the possibility of America returning to our best traditions."

And the media has been discussing Obama's 'arrogance' ever since. [ 1, 2, 3 ]

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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Today is Falafel Day!

Today is Falafel Day! [ 2, 3, 4, 5 ]

I first learned about the holiday from Blue Gal...

Ms. Gregarious and I shall be celebrating 'Falafel Day' all day today in a giant falafel we have created just for the occasion. (I find it rather exciting when my spicy fried fava bean balls and chickpea patties are drizzled with pickled vegetables and gobs of tahini, I must say!) 'Falafel Day' is the perfect time to break out your old ukulele and sing some of the old standards! Unfortunately, 'falafel' does not seem to rhyme with moon, June, croon, swoon or baboon. Ah, well! I shall console myself with a few more bites of toasted pita bread... Happy Falafel Day!

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What Happened Between the Cat and the Canary...

What happened between the cat and the canary...

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Monday, July 28, 2008

Sandwich Art

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23

I found these at, but I think that they originally came from blowing bubbles [ 2 ]. (They probably came from some old cook book before that.) I just enlarged the pictures becuase I thought it was too hard to see the details at their reduced size. I also found more sandwich art at this Flickr Sandwich Art Group Pool [ 2 ].

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the National Economic Security and Reformation Act

Here are some video's that explain one of the many future alternate universes, brought to you by my new Minister of UFOs, The Unconventional Conventionist. This particular ex-Mormon alternate universe describes a secret law, the National Economic Security and Reformation Act, which will abolish the IRS and remove George Bush from office, and eventually a UFO-flying Jesus Christ will emerge as America's new leader. This will all take place after my administration revives America's sagging economy by cornering the market on top hats with the use of a Thought Consciousness Matrix Replicator.

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Friday, July 25, 2008

The Latest News From the Campaign Trail


We have a new presidential candidate! Diva Jood has thrown her hat into the ring, and selected Sister Mary Ellen as her running mate. Randal Graves shall serve as her campaign manager, and OKJimm shall be serving refreshments.

I must say that am glad to see that they have adopted a similar position as that of my campaign on the situation in Iraq that was presented last November by the official spokesperson of the Zaius/Gregarious campaign, Sandra Lou!

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"The Great Rights"

The Great Rights (1963): part 1 and part 2.

Here is a great little 1960s animated educational short called "The Great Rights" about what would happen if the Bill of Rights disappeared that I found over at MWB's World.

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The Iraq-Pakistan Border

Karl Rove may have "The Math", but John McCain has "The Map"!

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To Err is human. To Loaf is Parisian. (Victor Hugo)

No time for blogging today! Germaine Gregarious and I are busy practicing our French terrorist commando maneuvers. We are going to attempt an attack on the GOP with an aggressive airborne accordion assault! (After we have bombarded them with a bellowing blitzkrieg of cacophonous combat concertinas, we shall bring out the big guns - the stinky mold ripened cheeses!) In the meantime, you can watch these swell music videos of The Velvelettes performing "He Was Really Saying Something", "Needle In A Haystack", and "Lonely,Lonely Girl Am I". (Hmm... I wonder if this brie is ripe enough to be called "stinky" yet? I shall have to sample the first salvo with some Nilla Wafers and orange soda...)

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

Couric, CBS cover for McCain


Katie Couric and CBS McCain:

Olbermann: In an interview with the CBS Evening News earlier today the presumptive Republican nominee getting the basic timeline and history of the surge completely wrong.

We cannot play that portion of the interview for you because CBS curiously, to say the least, left it on the edit room floor. It aired Katie Couric’s question but in response it inserted part of McCain’s answer to another question instead.

How do we know this? We consulted a transcript of the entire, original interview which was available on the CBS website.


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What Shall I Be? The Exciting Game of Career Girls


What Shall I Be? The Exciting Game of Career Girls (1966)


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Polar Bear Attack!

Striking images of the violent struggle that took place between a wild polar bear and a team of sled dogs in the wilds of Canada.

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Groaner Alert


A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study the bears.

Finally their request was granted, and they immediately flew to New York and on west to Yellowstone. They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance, and finally the ranger relented.

The Russian and the Czech were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing men.

They followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international incident.

They killed the female animal and opened the stomach to find the remains of the Russian. One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"

The other ranger responded, "The Czech is in the male."

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Friday, July 18, 2008

Talk to the Invisible Hand of the Marketplace

John McCain and George Bush understand the situation we face in America today...

...They have diagnosed the country's dilemmas...

...And offer real solutions to our 'imagined' problems...

Have no fear, the cure is at hand...

"Just take two 'symbolic-but-meaningless policy gestures' and call me in the morning!"

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The Latest News From the Campaign Trail

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator brings you the scoop from "Fox & 'Friends'"...

And Dr. Smith has uncovered the latest Republican Puppy Plots and Kitten Capers!

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Dining at Home With Dr. Zaius

I think that I'll skip the entrée and go straight to the dessert...

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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

It's Blue Gal's Birthday!


Ack! I almost forgot! It's Blue Gal's Birthday!


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Monday, July 14, 2008

Gas Pump Blogging



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Random Animated Gifs



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The Rinse Cycle of Doom


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The Women of Hammer Films

The Women of Hammer Films [ 1, 2, 3 ]

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Friday, July 11, 2008

John McCain's Whiplash Express

John McCain's Whiplash Express
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the flip-floppiest of them all? I love this list of John McCain's constantly shift positions from The Carpetbagger Report. Crooks & Liars has the video of Keith Olberman on the subject of McCain's flip-floppery, and this is a great link about John McCain on Civil Rights that I found over at Illiterate Electorate.


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Who the heck is Lily St. Cyr?


Whatever happened to Fay Wray?
That delicate satin draped frame
As it clung to her thigh, how I started to cry
Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same...

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it?

Don't dream it - be it.

Ach! We've got to get out of this trap
Before this decadence saps our will
I've got to be strong and try to hang on
Or my mind may well snap
Und my life will be lived for the thrills...

It's beyond me, help me Mommy

God bless Lily St. Cyr...

Who the heck is Lily St. Cyr?

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Who is this 'Fannie Mae' lady and 'Freddie Mac' fellow, anyway?

No time for blogging today! Germaine Gregarious and I are busy cleaning out some deadwood in the banking industry. (Why Ms. Gregarious, you seem to have a spot on your shirt... let me get you a moist towelette!) In the meantime you can watch this swell musical video of Raquel Welch singing, "I'm Ready To Groove". (I don't care what the old saying says - I LOVE girls in glasses!) Hmm... Who is this 'Fannie Mae' lady and 'Freddie Mac' fellow, anyway? Their poor penmanship and ghastly grammar are pitifully punctuated and seriously undercapitalized, if you ask me!

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The Crypt Kicker Five


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Thursday, July 10, 2008

I Usually Like My Porn To Have a Little More Filth In It


I was looking for a picture of a man mired in quicksand the other day (I wanted to stick John McCain's head onto the picture to illustrate his Iraq policies), when I came across something really strange. There is a huge online community of people that are really into quicksand, specifically girls trapped in quicksand. I guess that their sexual fetish is somehow linked to a wet 'damsel in distress' fantasy of some sort, but I still find this very odd.

People create elaborate comic book stories [ 1, 2, 3, 4 ] and write short stories [ 1, 2, 3 ] about girls trapped in quicksand, and then share them with others on the internet. The narratives seem to usually involve two girls, one of whom gets trapped in quicksand, and is then saved in the nick of time by the other girl. (Variations on this theme often involve a beautiful jungle girl trapped in quicksand being saved by their pet monkey.) People create elaborate lists of pop culture references of girls that are trapped in quicksand. [ 1, 2, 3, 4 ] They list helpful quicksand safety tips for girls that might become trapped in quicksand in the future.

The depiction of a beautiful girl trapped and then rescued from quicksand seems to represent some kind of fall from grace and then a subsequent redemption in these stories. The focus is not on the act of being saved from the quicksand in these stories, but on the helplessness of the victim. The gratification seems to be in seeing a young innocent woman that is helpless. [ 1, 2, 3, 4 ] Perhaps the people that like this sort of thing are compensating for a lack power or strength in their own dealings with women, but that just seems to be a contrived or forced explanation on my part. Also, at least some of the artwork and stories are apparently created and written by women.

You can buy feature length videos of girls sinking in quicksand [ 2, 3, 4 ] with titles like "Nessie, Quicksand Girl", "Bikini Quicksand Fun", "Carlysle Bog", "Fantasy Quicksand", "Quicksand Seeker", "Leisurely Sinking", "Quicksand Captive", and "Quicksand Virgins", "Quicksand, This Way", "Unavoidable Quicksand", "Quicksand Variety Pack" #1 and #2, "Quicksand Interactions", "Alone in the Quicksand", "Inevitably Quicksand", "Unstoppable Quicksand", "Expressively Quicksand", "Quicksand Impressions", "Quicksand Dramas", "Quicksand Terror", "Quicksand Arousal", "Quicksand, Naturally" #1 and #2, "Countrywide Quicksand" #1 and #2, "Non Stop Quicksand", "Into the Mud", "Lust for Mud", "(Because) Mud Feels Good", "Mud Feels Good" #1 and #2, "Major Mud Play" #1 and #2, "Mud Lovin' Women" #1 and #2, and "Mud Mud! Mud!".

There is even a quicksand movie studio that offers it's quicksand movie services for hire, with many quicksand locations available, including clay pit, peat pit, synthetic pit, sand pit, and 'pond'.

Except for a very few instances, the pictures and comics never depict nudity, and are not gratuitous 'mud wrestling' shots. The 'I-like-to-see-a-girl-trapped-in-quicksand' fans just seem to like to see a girl get trapped by quicksand, then thrash around helplessly in quicksand, then get rescued from quicksand. It's very strange.

The Quicksand Page
Capt. Mangrove's Adventure Tales
Mud Puddle Visuals
Quicksand Visuals
QSfurs Cartoon Quicksand Perils
Kaol's Ol' Sinkin' Hole
WAMology 101 - An Online Quicksand Community
Downunder in the Jungle
Muckster Mike's Notorious All Quicksand Web Site!
Studio 588 - Maybe the world's most unusual film studio
Creepy scene from a "Lost In Space" Comic book: [ 1, 2, 3 ]
The Old Fashioned Saturday Morning Quicksand Adventure Theater Page


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Today is Threading Water's Birthday!


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I'm Having a Surge in My Happy Underpants!

No time for blogging today! I am presently implementing a Surge Strategy in my Happy Underpants campaign, and the there is definitely a rise in the polls. (Jeepers! Ms. Gregarious, your XML spreadsheets are marvelous! I am virtually awash in downloadable polling data as we speak.) In the meantime, you can watch this swell clip of a news story from Channel 3 news about the Zaius/Gregarious campaign!


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Love in an Elevator, With Dr. Zaius

With apologies to Sleestak.

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Monday, July 07, 2008

A Brief Preview of the 2008 Republican National Convention

Hi, kids! I am John McCain, the presumptive Republican presidential candidate, and I am going to be your host for the totally awesome 2008 Republican National Convention this September! When you first enter the Convention, you will pass through the Magical Mystery Tour of my totally awesome Campaign Platform! Watch as my Banquet of Conservative Ideals amazes you, and try and figure out which political position I will shift to next!

You might just say that this is where I put my head every time I speak! Some people waste their lives with their head in the clouds, but not me! I keep my head right here in the control center of my political rhetoric! I'm going to be speaking to you from where the Republican party and I initially create all of our totally awesome ideals and standards.

I am proud of my party's platform. The Republican Party doesn't just pass through your everyday lives in a regular fashion like some of those fly-by-night political parties, but sticks to your gut like real American home cooking! The Republican Party is just like that holiday fruitcake that your Aunt Edith used to make. Good solid American fare!

We are going to have all kinds of fun and games at the convention. Fake terrorist alerts will popping up before, during and after the event for the enjoyment of you and your family. Also, you can pick up some tips that you can use to teach your kids valuable life lessons, like learning how to belittle poor people and minorities in offhanded, ambiguous ways that can later be defended by famous media personalities like Glenn Beck and Tucker Carlson!

And unlike those sad, misguided Democrats that want to change America's strategies in Iraq and attempt to alter the destiny of our oil-driven economy, the Republican Party is a brand that you know and trust. With our party, you just know that we are going to get all of our totally awesome policies from experienced leaders that have shown the ability to get the job done in the past!

We'll see you there, kids! It's gonna be great!


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The Internet Weighs Two Ounces


The Internet weighs two ounces.

Driving it takes 50,000,000 horsepower. A statistically rough (one sigma) estimate might be 75-100 million servers @ ~350-550 watts each. Call it Forty Billion Watts or ~ 40 GW. Since silicon logic runs at three volts or so, and an Ampere is some ten to the eighteenth electrons a second, if the average chip runs at a Gigaherz, straightforward calculation reveals that some 50 grams of electrons in motion make up the Internet. Adamant

Gosh! I think that the internet needs to eat some more chocolate cake and ice cream!

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Jeepers! Wednesday is Threading Water's Birthday!

Jeepers! Wednesday is Threading Water's Birthday! I am just doing a few last minute embroidery blood stains on my dress shirt so that I look my best for the party... Bring your accordian!

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Friday, July 04, 2008

Jeepers! I Almost Forgot - It's Germaine Gregarious' Birthday!


Jeepers! I almost forgot! Germaine Gregarious was born on the Fourth of July, 1976 - so today is her 29th birthday! Please go and wish Ms. Gregarious a happy birthday! As a birthday present, I bought Ms. Gregarious a fleet of military surplus Exocet missiles. (They're French, you know. Ooo-La-La!) Hmm... Perhaps the explosive nature of the Fourth of July holiday is why Ms. Gregarious is rather combustible herself...

Happy Fourth of July!

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Thursday, July 03, 2008

Press Coverage of John McCain's Trip to Columbia


Posing as a FARC rebel, John McCain tricked a gang of armed desperadoes into handing over 15 hostages during a rescue mission deep in Colombia's unforgiving jungle. Using only a machine gun, a swiss army knife and his constantly wavering political positions, McCain rescued the hostages Wednesday as part of a perfectly executed commando mission.

"I didn't do anything that any real American wouldn't do," said McCain modestly when questioned about his incredible achievement. Members of McCain's staff agreed that the presidential candidate's secret mission was indeed "awesome". Attempts were made to contact the media's ability to seperate fact from fawning, but they were unavailable for questioning at this time.


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