Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Friday, February 27, 2009

Dept. of Boldly Going Nowhere

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal as Alfred E. Newman

It has been days since Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal unsuccessfully thrust himself dramatically onto the national stage, and yet the negative effect of his present public relations tailspin has yet to stop plummeting.

The latest scoop is that Jindal's heroic tale that he used in his speech about how he used his awesome Republican "can do" spunk to cut through the red-tape and stop the Republican beaurocrats from blocking efforts to rescue those lazy, shiftless Katrina victims from the evils of big government was a lie.

Bobby Jindal may not be as loopy as Sarah Palin yet, but he's working on it!

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Little Known Hollywood Trivia

Alf as Ernst Starvos Blofeld

It's my understanding that the main reason that Alf was never cast to play super villain Ernst Starvos Blofeld in any of the James Bond films was because of fears that he would eat all of the evil white kitties.

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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Gov. Bobby Jindal Wants To Welcome You To His Neighborhood

In an attempt to take some of the shine off of President Barack Obama's speech before a joint session of Congress last night, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal gave the official Republican response to Democrat's attempts to save the economy.

After President Obama's awesome speech, I watched with some degree of trepidation as Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal started to speak. My fears were quickly quelled - Jindal was terrible. Upon hearing Jidal speak for a few minutes, my first impression was that he sounded like a condescending Mr. Rogers describing his neighborhood to his childish listeners.

Jindal merely derided President Obama's policies, and really offered no solutions to America's present woes - with the exception of his perceived need for further tax cuts, presumably for big business. He made this cryptic claim only moment's after President Obama had just announced a massive tax cut for 95 percent of working Americans. He also asked the members of his party to return to their principles of limited government and fiscal discipline.

After eight years of George Bush, it is fairly comical to hear Jindal attack Obama's economic policies as 'irresponsible'. Also, Jindal made a huge mistake when brought up Katrina victims to flaunt his own personanal narrative - people still remember which politial party is responsible for that fiasco. Even FOX News gave Jindal a thumbs down.

In reaction to Obama's speech, House Minority Leader John Boehner was quoted as saying, "I thought the tone was good. But for very few exceptions, I could have given the same speech."

Oh, yes... The rich dulcet tones of Rep. John Boehner....

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Women in Refrigerators

Mankind must put a stop to Women in Refrigerators.

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Robocop & Unicorn Gallery


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Monday, February 23, 2009

Bobby Jindal Doesn't Care About Poor People


Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal has announced that he will decline stimulus money specifically targeted at expanding state unemployment insurance coverage, becoming the first state executive to officially refuse any part of the federal government's payout to states.

When President Obama signed the Economic Recovery and Reinvestment Act last week, it included three different provisions to benefit unemployed workers. The first provided funding to states that allowed for a $25 per week increase in benefits. The second extended the Emergency Unemployment Compensation (EUC) program which gives 20 weeks of federally-funded unemployment benefits to individuals "who had already collected all regular state benefits," while the third provision widened the pool of people eligible to receive unemployment benefits.

Today, however, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal announced his intention to oppose changing state law to allow his Lousiana citizens to qualify for the second two unemployment provisions. Jindal said the state would only be accepting money to increase the unemployment insurance payments for those who currently qualify for unemployment insurance.

In all, Jindal turned away nearly $100 million in federal aid for his state's unemployed residents. Further, as the National Employment Law Project projected on Febuary 13, EUC extension alone would have benefited 24,981 Louisiana residents. Jindal justified his decision by claiming that expanding unemployment benefits would result in tax increases for businesses. In a press release, the governor's office explained:

The Governor said the state will not use a portion of the stimulus package that requires the state to change its law to expand unemployment insurance (UI) coverage to qualify for up to $32.8 million of the federal stimulus funding because it ultimately would result in a tax increase on Louisiana businesses.

But it is not clear why participating in the expanded unemployment insurance program would result in tax increases for business. By Jindal's own estimate, the recovery package would have funded his state's unemployment expansion for three years, at which point the state could — if it chose to do so — phase out the program.

As New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin suggested earlier today, perhaps Jindal's presidential ambitions are "clouding" his judgement. "I think he's been tapped as the up-and-coming Republican to petition a run for president the next time it goes around. So he has a certain vernacular, and a certain way he needs to talk right now," Nagin said.

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Cat vs Box

No time for blogging today! Gemriane Gregarious and I are just leaving the Oscars at the time of this post. (Jeepers! Jon Stewart is a lot taller than I had imagined, and I had no idea that he has an Australian accent!) In the meantime you can watch this swell video of Cat vs Box!


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Friday, February 20, 2009

RNC Chairman Michael Steele and the Grand Ol' Hip-Hop Party: "Whut Up Homie!"

GOP Chairman Michael Steele:<br />Exscuse me, my good sir, I can't help but notice that you are a 'gangsta'.<br />I am actually pretty 'gansta' myself, I'll have you know.<br />THE NEW GOP - We're totally 'with it' and 'Happening', Dude!

RNC Chairman Michael Steele says he is planning an "off the hook" PR offensive to attract younger voters, especially minorities, by applying conservative principles to "urban-suburban hip-hop settings." "We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets," he explained.

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Yes, We Canada!

Yay! In his first diplomatic mission of his presidency, Obama has successfully avoided a war with the terrorists of Canada! (They speak French up there, you know.)

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Kneel Before Zod!

Hey, if you don't like the stimulus, don't take the cash.
Your constituents will understand.

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Blue Gal Video: "Meet the Press Meets Space Ghost"

No time for blogging today! I am too busy mopping up the details of 'underwater' mortgage. (I think that I am going to need a lot more paper towels, I must say!) In the meantime, you can watch this swell video by Blue Gal, 'Meet the Press Meets Space Ghost.' This is the funniest video that I have seen in a long time. Awesome!
No time for blogging today! I am too busy mopping up the details of my "underwater" mortgage. (I think that I am going to need a lot more paper towels, I must say!) In the meantime, you can watch this swell video by Blue Gal, "Meet the Press Meets Space Ghost." This is the funniest video that I have seen in a long time! Way to go, Blue Gal. :o)

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Obama. Barack Obama.


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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Story Thus Far...


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Just a Quick Note...

Is it just me, or is Randal Graves' blog slightly more incoherent than usual lately?
(This is actually just an excuse to post this Randal picture.)

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Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

...I hope that someone special has stolen your heart.

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Just a Quick Note...

After a brief hiatus, Germaine Gregarious is back with a special Valentine's day post about your panties...

...And today is Freida Bee's Birthday!

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Really Stupid Valentine's Day Jokes


Warning! Really Stupid Valentine's Day Jokes:

Q: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
A: "I’m sweet on you!"

Q: Why do valentines have hearts on them?
A: Because spleens would look pretty gross!

Q: What did one pickle say to the other?
A: "Valentine, you mean a great dill to me!"

Q: What would you get if you crossed a dog with a Valentine's Day card?
A: A card that says, "I love you drool-ly!"

Q: What did one light bulb say to the other?
A: "I love you a whole watt!"

What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?

What did the Valentine's Day card say to the stamp?
Stick with me and we'll go places!

What did the stamp say to the envelope?
I'm stuck on you.

Who sends a thousand Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess Who'?
A divorce lawyer.

What did one snake say to the other snake?
Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.

What happens when you fall in love with a pastry chef?
You get buttered up.

What would you get if you cross George Bush with the God of love?
A stupid cupid!

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine's Day!

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!

What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
"I find you very attractive."

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Olive who?
Olive you!

What did the pencil say to the paper?
"I dot my i's on you!"

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn't suit his taste!


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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Speaking of Ideological Blockage....


Shame on you, Henrietta Hughes [ 2 ], for being homeless on live television. Don't you know that it upsets the white folk?

America As Bread Line: Pathetic Display at Obama Town Hall in Florida
I was listening to Rush Limbaugh play clips from this pathetic parade of victims at the Obama town hall in Fort Myers today. Geez, could they stack the audience with a more helpless bunch of whiners and complainers? JammieWearingFool

What a surprise. They held a pro-stimulus rally in the middle of the day, and a welfare office broke out. Bloodthirsty Liberal

Slave Begs her Master for a House
By Jonathan Gardner

Another thought on the free house Obama found for the homeless woman:

Since when is it acceptable for an American to ask the president for something? The president is the servant of the people, not the other way around. This reminds me of a different type of relationship: slave/master or serf/noble.

My ancestors fought and died so that woman and her family could have the freedom to be free. Now she is selling herself and her family short by willingly becoming a slave or a serf for the government. Federal Way Conservative

Obama is apparently the Messiah. While the real Messiah offers life and salvation, Obama offers houses. Federal Way Conservative

Rush Limbaugh: Do you think that the people who chose these people to ask questions on the Obama staff might have jobs right now? Did they purposely select these people for these questions? Do you think so? If they didn't, some heads are going to roll. If they did purposely scour that crowd for these kinds of questions, and there was more than just this one, so you have to assume this is what they wanted. They want people looking at Obama this way. [...]

Rush Limbaugh: I asked a staff a moment ago a little quick question. Henrietta Hughes. She's the woman in Fort Myers that wants the house, the car, and the kitchen. Everybody thinks, "Well, it's the last we'll hear of Henrietta Hughes."

No, it's not. I will bet you that inside of two weeks, Henrietta Hughes will be on Oprah, at which time she will get all of that stuff. Oprah's company will buy it. Oprah and Obama will share the credit, and we will see how the new America works together to solve problems. And then we will be told, "All you have to do is ask. All you have to do is ask." Now if you're poor old Julio, Julio's probably saying, "What the hell did I take the day off for? This is all I get? I show up, I'm at McDonald's for four-and-a-half years, and I'm getting screwed on benefits. I asked the president for more benefits and he tells me, the president of the United States tells me, 'Hang on, pal. I'm going to cut your payroll tax so you'll have a little bit more to spend.'" Julio said, "That's exactly what I need. I need enough money for another Happy Meal every month. Yippee yippee yippee yippee." Oh! If you don't laugh at this stuff, folks, you get depressed. You get really depressed. Rush Limbaugh


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Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Our Deity is Better Than Your Deity!

Obama: 'What I won't do is return to the failed theories of the last eight years that got us into this fix in the first place, because those theories have been tested and they have failed.'

I am shocked that after President Obama's awesome town hall meeting on TV last night...

All the Rebuplican's can think to do is to complain about is whether he wiped his feet properly.

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At Least They are Good at Something...

Senator Lindsey Graham: "We're Number One!"

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Presented Without Comment

Lead sports story of the day (according to Google News),
"SI cover girl Refaeli nudges her swimsuit south".

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My Army of Giant Robot Jellyfish

No time for blogging today! I am busy preparing my army of giant robot jellyfish for shipment to U.S. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. I figure that with the way things have been going in the senate, he could use all of the jellyfish that he can get! In the meantime, you can watch this swell video of the awesome oratory skills and leadership abilities of my giant robot jellyfish!


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Thursday, February 05, 2009

He Scoops The Poop That the Mainstream Media Won't Touch!

Joe the Plumber, AKA Joe 'Scoop' Wurzelbacher - He scoops for the poop that the mainstream media won't touch!

Life has been a whirlwind of events for Joe the Plumber lately! Now that he's back from his stint as a war correspondent, explaining to the American people how the mainstream media shouldn't be allowed to report on the war, Republican senators are explaining to the American public how Joe the Plumber (and not any of those pinko economists) is the GOP choice for a spokesman for economic policy!

This venerable pooper scooper does present one dark cloud on his adoring public's horizon, however. When asked if he wanted to pursue a career in politics, Wurzelbacher said, "I don’t know if the American public deserves me." Egads, no! Say it ain't so, Joe! From now on, we must all work extra hard to become worthy of this remarkable and important sewer worker's political ambitions.

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The Screwer-Upper-In-Chief

Obama: 'I screwed up. I've got to own up to my mistake, which is that ultimately it's important for this administration to send a message that there aren't two sets of rules.'
Ack! This is the end of the Obama administration! He has admitted weakness and failure!

Bush: 'I wish you would have given me this written question ahead of time, so I could plan for it. I'm sure historians will look back and say, gosh, he could have done it better this way, or that way. You know, I just -- I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with an answer, but it hadn't yet.'
How can Obama ever live up to his predecessor's record of never having made a mistake?

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Tuesday, February 03, 2009

The Hexapodmeisterschaft Robot

No time for blooging today! Germaine Gregarious and I have gone incognito to do what we can about America's financial crisis, one Chief Executive Officer at a time. In the meantime, you can watch this swell video of the Hexapodmeisterschaft Robot. (Mankind will have to concede defeat in the war against machines when robots can dance better than their puny wetware rivals.)


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Diversity of Species in the Rainforest

Diversity of Species in the Rainforest

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Happy Blogroll Amnesty Day!

Happy Blogroll Amnesty Day!

Happy Blogroll Amnesty Day! I first learned about this blogosphere holiday through the blog of the fabulous Blue Gal. You can read the frightening details of this event at the fantastic blog of the holiday's creator, Jon Swift, and also at the blog of the other leading event co-conspirator, the equally awesome Skippy the Bush Kangaroo.

Blue Gal suggests that we should post the link to a few of our favorite blogs, and post them so that others can read about them, become aware of them - and finally blogroll these newer and most recently discovered blogs.

Based on Blue Gal's expressed wishes, I have thus gone through a lengthy winnowing process of my own blogroll to find the very best blogs, and I present the following blogs for your consideration as part of the Blogroll Amnesty celebrations.

The Accordion Guy
Adventures in Nerdliness
Alien Loves Predator
Anaïs Nohant
Angry Ballerina
The Anti-Bullsh*t Dome
The Ardent Thread’s Weblog
The Aristocrats
Archelaus Cards
Ask A Ninja
All Hat No Cattle
Atomic Romance
Attentive Aphorist
Aunt Dahlia
Bad Habit
Badtux the Snarky Penguin
Bailey's Buddy
Beautiful Day Rule
Beginning to Bird
Betsy Devine
Bella Rossa
Beware of the Blog
Billy Miller
Bitch Ph.D.
Blue Gal
Bob Geiger
Bogus Zen*
The Bree Walker Show Blog
The Canary Sings
Cap'n Dyke, Pirate Queen
Capitol Punishment
Carnival of the Liberals
Cat in the Bag
Chapter 56
Chicken Head
Circle Jerk at the Square Dance
Comics All Too Real
Common Dreams
Comrade Kevin's Chrestomathy
The Consortium of Badness
Crooks and Liars
Culture of Life News
Culture Vultures
The Daily Howler
Darwin's Dagger
The Dean's Office
Dear Thyroid
Devilham's Attic
Dictionopolis in Digitopolis
The Digital Press Club
Dimensión Fantás
DistributorCap NY
The Dubya's Media
Dump Michele Bachmann
Electronic Cerebrectomy
Eli Lyons
Enriched Geranium
Evangelical Right
Evil Mad Scientist
Evil Spock
Ex-Lion Tamer
Fancy Freelancer
Feminist SF Carnival
Five Public Opinions
FOX Watch
Freida Bee
The Gavel
Germaine Gregarious
Gledwood Vol 2
The Great Endarkenment
Have Camera Will Travel
Heeling To Port
Here Comes Johnny Yen Again
The Hill
Hotline TV
House of the Rising Sons
The Huffington Post
I Am Bossy
I Am Jacks Non-Blog
I Can Has Cheezburger?
Ice Station Tango
Illiterate Electorate
Illustrated Daily Scribble
I Miss Fafblog, Spot!
I, Splotchy
I Make No Promises
Impeachment and Other Dreams
The Inconvienent Truth
Jazz from Hell
Jess Wundrun
Jesus' General
Joe's Bank
Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator
Jon Swift
Just JoeP
Jossip Cable Quotables
Journeys with Jood
Just An Earth-Bound Misfit
Kelly the Little Black Dog
Knock Knock
Kommandos Project
L'ennui mélodieux
La Casa de Los Gatos
Las largas Noches
Lady, That's My Skull
Last Left Turn Before Hooterville
Left Edge North
Lesbians From Space
Left 'Toon Lane
The Liberal Coalition
Like Kryptonite To Stupid
Little Bang Theory (CR)
Lisa [ 2, 3, 45, 6, 7 ]
The Local Crank
Lotsa 'Splainin' 2 Do
Luminiferous Ether
Maui Girl
Media Matters
Mental Detritus
Mercury Rising
Mirror of Fools
Mock, Paper, Scissors
Mondo Marco
Monkey Muck
Morning Martini
Mother Jones
My Two Sense
MWB's World [ 2 ]
Nailing Jello to the Wall
Neural Gourmet
The Needs of the Few
The Nefarious Lair of LGPPP, Inc.
Nine Pearls
No Smoking in the Skull Cave
A Noble Undoing
Occasional Superheroine
Old American Century
OKJimm's Eggroll Emporium
Omnipotent Poobah
the Opinion Mill
The Otherwhirled
The Oxpecker File
Pam's House Blend
Perpetual Dawnne [ 2 ]
Phydeaux Speaks
Pidomon's Posts
Political Arithmetik
A Post-Cynical Seer
The [Prefix]iest Thing I Saw Today
Preserve, Protect and Defend
Princess Sparkle Pony
Project Matt
PR Watch
Pushing Fifty...Gently...
Rabbits, Toyen, and so forth
Republic of Sestakastan
Rumours With Humour
The Quaker Agitator
The Quoteable I Ching
Qwerty's Qoncepts
Quit Your Day Job
Read My Mind
Ruby-Mae & Her Mustang Flattery
Sack of Monkeys in My Pocket
Sandra Lou [ 2 ]
Scholars and Rogues
Shakespeare's Sister
Shelley the Republican
Sh*t Planet
Silly Humans
Skippy the Bush Kangaroo
Social Seppuku
Some Guy's Blog
Spocko's Brain [ 2 ]
Spin of the Day
Sprawling Ramshackle Compound
Stardragon the Canadian
Stardust Musings
Starship Tim
The State of Discontent [ 2 ]
Stop Licking the Curtains
Stump Lane
A Sunny Thought
They Get Letters
That's Why
Think Progress
This Is It
This Modern World
Through the Wastes of Time
Thought Crime Wave
Threading Water
Tiamat's Friends
Top 10 Conservative Idiots
Two Minutes In The Box
The Unconventional Conventionist
Unruly Mob/Les Enrages
Urantian Sojourn
Utah Savage
Vagabond Scholar
A Very Strange Country
Vigouruex Artiste
What I Like About the Universe
What Now Toons
Wink Studios
Witches and Scientists
Washington Whispers
Westcoast Walker
Whiskey Marie
The Wulfshead
The Yes Men
Yikes! [ 2 ]
Your Dress'd Look Better On Me
Zen Comix

Also, after the coming Apeocolypse, I pledge to spare these humans (or at least most of them) for scientific experiments. (Probably.)

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