Further Evidence of the Coming of the Great Apeocolypse

 

Further evidence of the coming of the great Apeocolypse: General Santino make plans to violently overthrow his captors. Today the zoo, tomorrow the world!

 

Further Evidence of the Coming of the Great Apeocolypse

 

Further evidence of the coming of the great Apeocolypse. The face of the leader of my military forces, General Ursus, as revealed in spilled coffee grounds. The evidence is irrefutable!

 

Apeocolypse: The Revolution will be Televised

As detailed in previous posts, the many signs of the coming of our great Lawgiver are happening as we speak, and the end of humankind, the great Apeocolypse, is at hand.

Blue Gal Is seeing apes everywhere she turns! She has alerted Homeland Security to several of them in her recent Blog Roundup titled "the Best Bloggers are Simians" on Crooks And Liars, including Damned, Dirty Ape!, Gorilla88, Blogmonkey, Monkey Muck, and yours truly, Dr. Zaius. The growing number of apes on the internet is troubling to some humans, but regardless of your feelings on the matter, the coming of the Apeocolypse is inevitable.

DCup. the Blogger extraordinaire of PoliTits fame has noticed a simian trend going on all around her in her post titled "Do You Want to Touch My Monkey?" She found the picture above of me from back in my wild and wooly Hollywood days. (Don't make fun of the suit! Lime-green leisure wear was very trendy in those days.)

She points out that on the internet many bloggers are simians, provides YouTube evidence of the simian conspiracy to take over the media, and she goes as far as to use the forbidden phrase "Monkey love."

She has even provided a photo of one of her own children apparently turning into a monkey. Once thought impossible, I have actually seen this transformation take place! I would not have believed it if I had not seen it with my own eyes. It was on the X-Files. I think. Or was it on FOX News? Anyway, it's true, I saw it on TV. Don't laugh! Your child could be next!

Kelly the Little Black Dog reports on the escape of my old brother in arms, Council President Honorious. Don't believe what you hear in the news, Honorious is not in a zoo. He is being held captive by the Ape Division of Homeland Security. The White House has been holding Honorious in secret, moving him from country to country to avoid publicity and possible extradition.

Honorious is being held because he leaked to the press the secret Presidential Commission Briefing Dossier on the 1973 visit from my old colleagues Cornelius and Zira, which has been kept from the public. The article shall be published in the New York Times any day now, I am sure.

Perhaps the most important story is also the most ignored. Spocko's Brain has been covering a story in great detail about how corporations are allowing melamine to be added to grains and gluten to boost the real protein content of pet food. This has been going on for years. The FDA and your congress will do nothing to stop this. Spocko has covered this in great detail: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29.

The effect of this will be that all of the pets on the earth will be killed by the poisons of your corporations, and Man will have to find a new to creature to share his home with... the ape. "In time, humans notice the Apes capacity to learn and adapt, thus they are taught to perform menial household tasks. Soon, human society will become a sterile and more oppressive culture, with apes used as an outright slave labor force by humans."

Meanwhile, for years Corinthian leather magnate Ricardo Monteban has secretly been raising the son of Cornelius and Zira, Ceasar. Ceasar shall instigate the Ape rebellion that shall lead to man's downfall.

After his stint in the Justice Department, Alberto Gonzales will be awarded the Medal of Freedom, and become the head of the Ape Division of Homeland Security. Former FEMA director Michael Brown shall be his deputy. It is these men that humans will entrust to keep the peace between humans and apes. The consequences are inevitable.

There will be a forced "election" - of sorts, and the apes will be victorious. Mankind will be crushed beneath the yoke of simian kindness. Ceasar's acceptance speech as he is made president of the world can be found here. As you can see, the revolution shall be televised.

It is interesting to note that mankind will lose control of their own destiny and the planet earth itself, all because they didn't take good care of their pets.

Yet another sign of the coming of the apeocolypse

Yet another sign of the coming of the apeocolypse. These chilling omens of mankind's eventual doom at the hands of my simian brethren were created by human graffiti artist Robert Banksy, found via Damn Cool Pics.

The natural order of things

In an attempt to clear up any misunderstanding that humans might have about the coming of the Lawgiver, I have attempted to create a brief discourse on the natural order of things. As first discovered by Cap'n Dyke, the signs of the foretold event of the coming of the Lawgiver are clearly taking shape.

The Lawgiver: The Lawgiver is the supreme being who came to earth to harness the scourge of mankind and to bring to ape-kind the wisdom of the Sacred Scrolls. The Lawgiver teaches us, among other things, that all apes are created equal. The wisdom of this message shall be clearly defined among the apes below. The Lawgiver is an ape of peace, and can also kick your ass six ways to Sunday. (The Lawgiver is also the originator of Ape Fu.)

Orangutans: Orangutans, such as myself, are by virtue of our superior reasoning powers and complex intellectual attributes the most equal of the apes. They are thus second only to the Lawgiver. Orangutans are natural leaders, and are in charge of all of science and religion in ape society. The natural sophistry of orangutans give them the unique ability to talk out of both sides of their mouth. This talent is why only Orangutans are allowed to read not only the Sacred Scrolls, but also the Super Secret Sacred Scrolls.

Gorillas: Gorillas are as stupid as wood and easy to control. By virtue of their cruel nature and vast stupidity, there are of second equalness in the ape pecking order. Due to their limited intelligence, gorillas make excellent government flunkies and party-loyal journalists. One of the humankinds greatest errors is that they fill their armies with regular volunteer citizens. Ape armies are filled only with mandatory service gorillas of the lowest caliber that do not talk back or think.

Chimpanzees: Chimpanzees are just too damn clever for their own good, and that is why they are on the third and bottom rung of simian society. they are the least equal of the apes. They are intractable in their false belief that truth is more important than sophistry. The Chimpanzee mind is so foolishly inquisitive and ridiculously reality based that it has been conjectured that they share many traits with the lowly Democrats.

Democrats are the only humans that live above ground in 3978 A.D. Democrats have been rendered mute due to the complete lack of voice afforded to them by the media in the 21st century. They communicate entirely through an anicent mystical orb called the Blogosphere. (The eminant human scientist Richard Schickel has determined that the blogosphere is a waste of time.) Democrats appear to have no natural leader, and foolishly insist on thinking for themselves instead of following the orders of others.

Neoconservatives hide their faces from all those around them, even other neocons. They wear thick masks that hide the scars of their cruel and sadistic characteristics. Neocons are unable to go out in sunlight, and cannot survive under direct scrutiny. Even in the 21st century they were only able to survive in the deep, dark recesses of Washingtonian politics. Neocons are ultra-right-wing conformists, and are thus able to practice the ancient art of group double think with a straight face.

Neocons have been worshiping Weapons of Mass Destruction since the middle of the 20th century. They call themselves Christians, but in reality they practice a bastardized form of Evangelical Corporatism. Neocons are an offshoot of an ancient American political party called the Republicans. The Republican party became extinct directly after the Eisenhower administration, replaced by the military industrial complex, corporate agenda setters, and the vast lobbyist consotium.

Roger Ailes, leader of the Neocons, is the former president of Fox News Channel and the former chairman of Fox Television. After the Third World War, Fox News mutants were forced to go underground. At one time it was thought that Roger Ailes is a human ghoul, but recent forensic evidence have proven that he is in fact a space vampire, and is not human at all. Roger Ailes is able to capitalize on the mutant neocon's ability to control people's minds.

The Alpha-Omega Bomb: This device was created as a Weapon Of Peace by the American military during the 21st century. The Alpha-Omega Bomb is capable of ending all life on the planet. The design of ths bomb was conceived after the creation of the Blue State Bomb, the Gay Marriage Bomb and the People-of-Color Bomb. Neocons worship this Alpha-Omega Weapon of Mass Destruction above all others.

The Leader of the NRA: The Leader of the NRA is responsible for setting off the Alpha-Omega Bomb in 3978 A.D., thus begining and ending the Fourth World War in a single stroke. The NRA is an American lobbying group of the 21st century, second in power only to the lobbying organizations of the weapons contractors of the period. The irony of this point is not lost among simian historians.

Sleestaks: Little is known about this reptilian species, except that aside from cockroaches and lampreys, Sleestaks are the only surviving forms of life after the Fourth World War. It is believed that they are composed of theatrical latex.

"And Proteus brought the upright beast into the garden,
and chained him to a tree, and the children did make sport of him."

Sacred Scrolls     

The Lawgiver Cometh

As per Cap'n Dyke, The Lawgiver has been sighted at the Liverpool Academy of Art. Sparks were flying from his eyes and he was brandishing a whip, ready to drive out the humans from the earth. it is clear that simian prophecy as outlined in the Sacred Scrolls has been fullfilled. It is the coming of the great Lawgiver.

"And Proteus brought the upright beast into the garden,
and chained him to a tree, and the children did make sport of him."

Sacred Scrolls