Nancy Pelosi Jokes

"Today Nancy Pelosi became the first woman Speaker of the House. They say this is the furthest anyone in a dress has gotten in Washington since J. Edgar Hoover." --Jay Leno

"Nancy Pelosi said today we've waited 200 years for this. 200 years? How many face lifts has this woman had?" --Jay Leno

"The new Speaker of the House is Nancy Pelosi. She had lunch today with President Bush, but the lunch honestly did not go well. She would not pass him anything he asked for." –David Letterman

"Nancy Pelosi, the likely Speaker of the House, had lunch at the White House Thursday with President Bush. Though, just to rub things in, she left early to have an abortion." --Amy Poehler

"I got to give the president credit. He is trying. He had lunch two days ago with Nancy Pelosi, the new Speaker of the House. And he was trying to find common ground and couldn't come up with anything. Finally he said, 'Your frozen smile looks just like my wife's.'" --Bill Maher

"Did you see last week President Bush and Nancy Pelosi meeting with reporters after their lunch? Boy, you thought Bill and Hillary were good about putting on phony smiles." --Jay Leno

"As a result of this week's election, the new Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, is now the most powerful woman in the country. After hearing this, Oprah Winfrey said, 'Yeah right.'" --Conan O'Brien

A Nancy Pelosi impersonator on Saturday Night Live, on the Democrats' 2006 victory: "You sent this White House a message: That stay the course in Iraq is not a plan; that our healthcare system should serve ordinary citizens, not pharmaceutical compaines; that so-called rough sex can be a necessary and fulfilling adjunct to a healthy sex life, particularly when it involves fantasy role-play scenarios, such as kidnapping or forced interrogation -- provided, of course, that both participants are willing and disease- free, and have agreed on what we call a safe word." Saturday Night Live

Truth in advertising

Via spiiderweb

Aliens have landed in my underpants!

I don't want to give you the impression that I just sit around all day reading blogs and watching videos on YouTube, but...

A Petri Dish Of Culture Greg Saunders of This Modern World says, "Call me old-fashioned, but I think we need to get in touch with our more traditional values." he is talking about this video, "Andy Griffith vs. Patriot Act." (I knew it! I knew Andy was a communist.) A short video of 70's Toy Commercials includes Kenner's SSP Smash Up Derby Set, the Water Wiggle, and Slip n' Slide. Also a game made just for rich kids, Parker Brother's the Masterpiece Game, where kids get to buy and sell famous art at auction while trying to bankrupt each other. Oh, the joys of capitalism! Don't be scared! It's only the The Mummy Dance from the puppet animation version of "Mad Monster Party." Also, remember to bring your hookah when you watch White Rabbit (Star Trek), via the Booberry Alarm Clock. In case you were wondering, it's Ace the Bat-Hound and not Batdog, OK? I just thought that I would clear that up. Sheesh. Space Ghost and Batmantis battle your mother to save Moltar, or battle Moltar to save your mother, or something like that. In this increasingly toxic environment we call home, yet another substance has reached the attention of our vigilant scientists: EPA Warns Of Dangerous Levels Of Romance In Air. Check out this really great movie that nobody has heard of, "personal velocity." You'll have to Net-Flix it, it's way too cool to show up on network television. (And no, It's not just because I have a crush on Parker Posey, Kyra Sedgwick, and Fairuza Balk. Really, it's a good movie.) LucasLand: The original student film version of THX-1138. (What! You have never even seen the feature length version? Get thee to a video store, pilgrim.) Some remakes of films are better than others, this one is good in that it is very brief and amusing, Star Wars reloaded. Showing more intelligence than his human counterparts, we have "Frankenstein: Mission Accomplished" and "Frankenstein Looks At Persia." Check out All of Frankenstein's videos. This page, Onomatopeyas, has some of those great fight scene graphics used in the original Batman TV series. Not only BAM! BLOOP! CRASH! OOOF! KAPOW!, but also OUCH-ETH!, !OX?-ETH! and ZOWIE! (Uhmm, OX-ETH?) Via No Smoking in the Skull Cave. Top of the Pops Here is Herman Munster's hit single "Dry Bones." From the same episodes, Lilly Munster has a dream that Herman will become too famous, and dump her like Britney Spears dumped K-Fed Fed-Ex. Also, a music video featuring "Jet Screamer" from 60's TV show the Jetsons, "Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah," via Lady, That's My Skull. The Greatest band EVER, (well, almost) the 5678s, sing WooHoo. And needing no introduction, Bob Marley singing Redemption Song. For a change of pace, here is the same song done by Joe Strummer, via Becca. If there was any doubt that William Shatner is god, than this rendition of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" will shatter an remaining illusions. The animation for the video is delightfully retro! His rendition of is just one of many of his unique, groundbreaking works in the field of pop music. You can't just listen to Shatner sing, you must experience him! Also, Shatner Singing to Lucas via No Smoking in the Skull Cave is not to be missed! Who knew that Storm Troopers were so musically gifted? What's that great song in the back of your mind that you have forgotten about since you were knee-high to a algebraic equation? After the opening scene and during the titles from the film, "Meatballs." (Yes, I know it's a stupid song. I still like it.) Wild Kingdom This video, "Bunny Bunny Bunny," is just a short film of of a rabbit pushing a ball. (Don't scoff, he is probably having more fun than you are.) And speaking of rabbits, here is a life and death struggle between a rabbit and a snake. It appears to be a mother doe rabbit fending off an attacking Republican snake. In the world of rabbits, the does are under appreciated and do all the work. (No! Don't say it!) In the "Humans are the Craaaziest Animals" department: What's funnier than a corporate executive on welfare? An Exploding Whale! (What? What? C'mon, he was already dead!) via Samurai Frog. "The Feline Theocracy is a religious organization that worships God through his most perfect creations, cats. Who can argue with the divine elegance of this creature?" The Scratching Post I know that this is only two days notice, but "National Gorilla Suit Day, which mysteriously falls on January 31 of each year, is perhaps the important holiday of the year. Every National Gorilla Suit Day, people of all shapes and colors around the world get their gorilla suits out of the closet, put them on and go door-to-door." Damn the Man Department A seemingly reasonable piece about a series of events blatantly misreported by the mainstream media. Fcuk The Corperate Media Steven Colbert YouTube video's always disappear, so go check out"Steven Colbert with Conan" quick! another Colbert vid, "how to use a condom." Who could forget this golden oldie, "Donald Rumsfeld Shaking Hands with Saddam Hussein." Rumsfeld just gets creepier by the decade, don't you think? Watching television with friends and family may soon be regulated and taxed: The MPAA is lobbying congress to push through a new bill that would make the average American family room illegal. Big Brother Alert: Hollywood Style. Also: No More Internets Tubes? and RIAA Legal Ruling Could Shut Down The Internet. Congressman Virgil Goode (R-VA) meets Congressman Keith Ellison (D-MN). Goode had vowed to deport Ellison for being a Muslim. "Keith Ellison Meets Virgil Goode", a video that is perhaps more historically than visually interesting. President Bush talking to Wolf Blitzer on CNN said, "I like to tell people when the final history is written on Iraq, it'll look like just a comma..." That pearl of wisdom spawned this video, Oh Momma, I Died For A Comma. Fairness & Accuracy In Reporting: "Reporting on the ratings rivalry between the Fox News Channel (FNC) and CNN is often misleading--and almost always over-hyped." The Ratings Mirage The most positive thing that I can say about Glenn Beck is that he actually makes Bill O'Reilly sound almost rational by comparison. Almost. Well, maybe a little bit. OK, not really. CNN's Glenn Beck Describes Himself As 'Mr. Oreo Cookie' On Martin Luther King Day. As if you didn't already know this: "Many of the articles that appear in scientific journals under the bylines of prominent academics are actually written by ghostwriters in the pay of drug companies." Time to deal with medicine's dirty little secrets? How is watching a Pat Robertson video clip like Katherine Harris video clip? You can't stop at just one! You have to see them all! Start your extra-conservative, Ultr-Christian viewing here: Pat Robertson is the Strongest Man in the World, Pat Robertson Says God Told Him Of 2007 Mass Terror Attack, Pat Robertson Gives His View on The War in Iraq, Pat Robertson on new Bishop, and Pat Robertson bashes scholars the same way the Nazis did in the 1930's. Give Pat your faith and leave and your brains at the door, thank you. Sleestak Nation in YouTube droid's OogieSCOD video "Sleestak Master Mix," he asks and answers the question, "While trying to explain to a friend what a Sleestak was, I found no decent footage of Sleestak on Youtube. This is now fixed. Sleestak rule!" I would agree. I mean really, if we have the technology to send a man to the Moon, why can't we get more sleestak videos? For example, what is missing in all of these "Land of the Lost" videos? "Land of The Lost Intro," and "Land of the Lost Intro 2." (Fast forward to Electra Woman in this one) Land of the Lost & Electra Woman Saturday Morning TV. also, Land of the Lost meets Star Trek via the early 80s in "Can Kahn Khan?" What's missing in these videos? Sleestaks! It is an uncomfortable truth that in this country that sleestaks are drastically underrepresented. We need an action commitee. I say that we elect Lady, That's My Skull as our representative.

Unusual Buildings

Polish architect of the Crooked House, Szotynscy Zaleski, was inspired by the fairytale illustrations of Jan Marcin Szancer and the drawings of the Swedish artist and Sopot resident Per Dahlberg. The most photographed building in Poland, the 4,000 square meter house is located in Rezydent shopping center in Sopot, Poland.

AOL Money & Finance: Unusual Buildings

The President dumps Harris for Bachmann: "Harris too clingy,'" says Bush

In the aftermath of President Bush's State of the Union address, the biggest news story to develop was the changing of the guard for a very sensitive and confidential position at the White House. taking over the job of White house concubine from Former Florida Rep. Katherine Harris is freshman Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann.

Bachmann raised eyebrows at the state of the union when she used her amorous kung fu grip to steer the President away from the crowd to plant a long wet one on the pleased Commander in Chief.

Many are unaware that Bachmann has met the President before, and has chronicled the meeting on her website:

"I have never been in the Presidential limousine before so I was a little unsure what to do after the president was finished, when the limousine stopped at the custard stand. I wasn't sure if I should exit with the President or get out of my side of the car. Karl Rove told me I would exit out the door on my side after The President steps out and someone would open the door for me and help me clean up. I could not believe I was discussing how the custard stain matched the 'other' stain on my dress with the President of the United States! The Secret Service later gave me the contact information for a good dry cleaner."

Last fall Bachmann made it clear that God had "called" her to run for Congress. Bush has been quoted as saying that Bachmann is indeed "heaven sent," and he intends to remain as faithful to Bachmann as he has been to both his wife, and the American people.

Former Florida Representative and White House "Love Monkey" Katherine Harris remains on cordial terms with the president, despite his allegatition that she was too "clingy," and that he needed more "space" for "personal growth." After recently losing her bid to unseat Democratic Sen. Bill Nelson, Harris has bounced back in her new job as an Amway Distributor.

allhatnocattle.net: Katherine Harris Returns to the House Floor
Crooks and Liars: Rep. Michele Bachmann Hearts Bush
Star Tribune: C.J.: Brush with greatness was more of a clutch and grab
USNews.com: And You Thought Katherine Harris Lost
michelebachmann.com: The Scoop on President Bush's Visit
Minneapolis Star Tribune: Bachmann: Second BJ kiss for Bush
dumpbachmann.blogspot.com: Dump Michele Bachmann
youtube.com: Michele Bachmann Really Glad To Meet Bush
youtube.com: Michele Bachmann's Olbermann Worse
youtube.com: Michele Bachmann Interviewed by Bill Bennett
youtube.com: Michele Bachmann doesn't believe in global warming
youtube.com: Bachmann Says She is "A Fool For Christ"

See All Hat No Cattle for the original Katherine Harris business card joke. The photo of the hand with a business card is from here. the Mary Kay joke goes back a ways.

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The lie of the "Hydrogen Economy"

SoTU-a-Go-Go (and other recent political videos)

SoTU-a-Go-Go

Perhaps the most noteworthy event lately was the President Bush's State of the Union address. Media Matters for America culled the most noteworthy statements and moments in this video piece, SoTU Superlatives.

Senator Jim Webb of Virginia gave the Democratic Response to President Bush's State of the Union address. This is also available at Crooks and Liars.

The most reasonable response to the SoTU 2007 came from the The Daily Show.

In a bid to take over the duties of White House mistress from the now defunct Katherine "Everyone Loves a Trainwreck" Harris, Michele Bachmann shows that she really, REALLY wants to get to know the president a whole lot better.

Sleepy Senator John McCain was up way past his bedtime at the SoTU. (get this man a blankie.)

James Adomian did an impression of this year's State of the Union address.

in an animated version of the SoTU, there was the "Supernews State of the Union."

It is good to look back on last year's SoTU for reference. Keith Olbermann gave a a look back at Bush's SoTU credibility. Also, this compilation of the 2006 State of the Union captured the president's message well.

Stephen Colbert vs. Bill O'Reilly

In the "When matter meets anti-matter" department, Colbert was on Bill O'Reilly, then O'Reilly on The Colbert Report. Then Colbert Gets the Last Word on the O'Reilly Showdown.

Also on the Colbert Report, Colbert Defends Alberto Gonzalez, and this bit was priceless, "Stephen Colbert explains the whole AT&T thing!"

Also in the Snooze

Ted Kennedy lashes out against the GOP's opposition to increasing the minimum wage.

Jack Cafferty points out that John McCain was for the VP before he was again' him.

Chuck Hagel seems to be making so much sense lately, you might think he was a Democrat.

FOX News falsely "accused" Barack Obama of being raised as a Muslim. After the story was debunked by CNN, Fox Amended their story, but not before they falsely accused Hilary Clinton of being the source of the story. Based on this series of falsly reported non-events, on January 22nd Keith Olbermann renamed the FOX News Channel, because you can't possibly call what comes out of that place news. It is now officially the "The Fox Nothing Channel." The FOX News Channel The Fox Nothing Channel was also named that day's Worst Person in the World by Olbermann.

Darth Cheney had a hissy fit during his interview with Wolf Blitzer over criticism of Iraq, and his daughter Mary's Pregnancy. Jon Stewart of the Daily Show had a few choice words about the VP interview as well. Jon Stewart threw down the gauntlet. "Meet me at camera three," Stewart said sternly.

In a segement called "Strangers with Condi," Jon Stewart acknowledges Barbara Boxer's comments about the fact that Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice has no stake in the Iraq war because she has a "barren fruitless womb." Realizing that he can stop the war by romancing Condi, Stewart says, "I'm about redeploy my troops and you're in for one hell of a...SURGE."

Rush Limbaugh calls Senator Barack Obama a "Halfrican-American." Keith Olbermann says, "Come out from under your hood and just say it!"

On the January 24 edition of Fox News' The O'Reilly Factor, we find that no one likes Vice President Al Gore's haircut.

Fox News political analyst Dick Morris promises to leave the country if a ticket of Hillary Clinton/Barack Obama ticket wins the presidential nomination. (Maybe we can get him to move to France.)

Pelosi's interview with the president

In an interview, Nancy Pelosi said that she was puzzled by what she considered the president's minimalist explanation for his confidence in the new surge of 21,500 U.S. troops that he has presented as the crux of a new "way forward" for U.S. forces in Iraq.

PELOSI: He's tried this two times — it's failed twice. I asked him at the White House, 'Mr. President, why do you think this time it's going to work?'

BUSH: Because I told them it had to.

PELOSI: Why didn't you tell them that the other two times?

Americablog, Daily Kos

A question of scale

Artist Ron Mueck creates giant hyper-realistic sculptures. Drawn!, Washington Post

Bush Approval Rating At New Low

Bush Approval Rating At New Low
On Eve Of State Of Union, President's Approval Rating Falls To 28%, A New Low. By a more than 2-to-1 margin, Americans think Mr. Bush does not share their priorities. Just 28 percent think he does, while disapprove of the way he's handling his job. CBS News

President Bush faces the nation this week more unpopular than any president on the eve of a State of the Union address since Richard Nixon in 1974. Nixon was beleaguered by the Watergate scandal; for Bush, three decades later, it's the war in Iraq. KGO TV

Rep. Hinchey: New bill would break up media monopolies and restore fairness doctrine

Rep. believes Democratic media reform bill may prevent possible 'fascist' takeover of US media. Concerns about monopolies and fears of a possible "fascist" takeover of the US media have prompted a Democratic congressman to push to restore the Fairness Doctrine.

"Media reform is the most important issue confronting our democratic republic and the people of our country," Representative Maurice Hinchey (D-NY) said at the Free Press National Media Reform Conference held in Memphis, Tennessee last weekend. "This is a critical moment in history that may determine the future of our country...maybe forever." Raw Story

CEOs urge the president to act on global warming, White House hissy fit to follow

Holy crap! Captains of industry side with the stewards of the earth!

The growing consensus to take national action against climate change received a major boost Monday when 10 leading U.S. corporations - including General Electric, Alcoa, DuPont and Pacific Gas & Electric - launched a coalition with four environmental groups to push for mandatory federal emissions controls. San Jose Mercury News

The companies involved in today's announcement are well-known corporations from the energy, manufacturing and financial services sectors: Alcoa, BP America, Caterpillar, Duke Energy, DuPont, Florida Power & Light, General Electric (a founding member), Lehman Brothers, Pacific Gas & Electric, and PNM Resources. Environmental Defense

Why do these companies hate America?

The PNAC once again reminds us who is the President's puppet master

The Project for the New American Century, a criminal neo-conservative organization and the architects of the Iraq war have been growing vocal lately. Despite congressional aversion to the White house buildup to launch an attack on Iran, PNAC member Richard Perle stated that the president will indeed invade - as per the PNAC's wishes.

"Would this president do it? I think that until the day he leaves office, this is a president that, if he is told, 'Mr. President, you are at the point of no return,' I have very little doubt that this president would order the necessary military action." [...]

"I'm not convinced that we have a lot of time. Given the peril that would result, its astonishing to me that we do not now have a serious political strategy with Iran," he said, adding he thought regime change is "the only significant effective way" to deal with the Iranian threat.

"If we continue on our current course, we have only a military option. So what I'm urging, and this should have happened a very long time ago, is that we make a serious effort to work with the internal (Iranian) opposition," Perle said. Think Progress

So it would seem that whatever Richard Perle and the PNAC want from the president, they expect to get.

Another neo-conservative and PNAC member attempting to flex his political power is neo-conservative Bill Kristol, who wises that the congress would just "be quiet" about Iraq for at least six or nine months so that President Bush's "surge" plan can have a "chance to work."

Sunday morning on Fox News, Weekly Standard editor William Kristol said that Democratic congress members are "so irresponsible that they can’t be quiet for six or nine months and say the president has made a decision, we’re not going to change that decision, we’re not going to cut off funds and insist on the troops coming back, so let’s give it a chance to work." Video: Raw Story

Video Link Dump

The really cool beginning credits to two really awful cartoons, The Jackson 5 and the The Osmonds. As kids we used to watch the introductions to these cartoons, and then switch over to the other cartoons after the intro music ended. I am sure that we totally screwed up the Nielsen Ratings. Also for your edification, an additional spoof of the bubblegum pop band’s Saturday morning cartoons genre (Ack! Too many adjectives!) featuring Black Sabbath

Video: Music videos that are embarrassing to watch: The Brady Bunch - "Good Time Music", Saved by the Bell - "Break a Sweat", and Full House - "Michelle, Jesse & The Rippers" via busy, busy, busy

Some of the greatest fight scenes are from martial arts films presented by Maxim with all of the hokey dialog and plot development removed. Included are Kung Fu Hustle, Fist of Legend, Enter the Dragon and my favorite of the collection, Jackie Chan in Drunken Master.

Video: A favorite Japanese superhero, soon to capture the hearts of Americans everywhere: Pepsiman! He's actually kind a super thirst-quenching klutz. Pepsiman Japanese commercial, Wikipedia.org/Pepsiman via No Smoking in the Skull Cave

Parking hubby the Canadian way: Husband Day Care. Damn you, socialized medicine!

I had never even watched the television show "Scrubs" until it came on Comedy Central. Here with a homophobia-generating musical interlude, TV's Scrubs answers all of the musical questions about Guy Love via Like Kryptonite To Stupid

This entry is from back in the days when advertising made sense: the Devo Honda Commercial.

Triumph the Insult Dog takes on the Star Wars universe in Star Wars Nerd Bashing. (I actually hate that mutt.)

Julian Morrow sets out to prove that Americans know little about the world around them, and is proven wrong. Americans actually know far less than that. Chasers War On Everything. More here and here. Via Bacon Eating Atheist Jew.

Flash Animation: The definitive musical adaptation of the present American foreign policy in Iraq, Brought to you by the Huffington Post. Iraq: The Musical!

The Partridge Family solves the Iraq war, with special guest star Britney Spears!

Tonight's episode: Special guest star Britney Spears has talking underpants, and the Partridge Family solves the crisis in Iraq!

If you enjoyed the "The Partridge Family solves the Iraq war" story, you might also enjoy "Jesus Convention" with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, and "Archie's Intelligent Design Adventure," - With Special Guest Star Test Tube Jesus.